What doesn't kill you...

Anu

2011-12-10T08:09:00.004Z

So... five years today. I can hardly believe it as I write those words but there it is.

I just read our mails again, and the letter you hastily wrote by hand as the parcel guys waited impatiently for you to finish (and yes, Ganesh still sits on my shelf, keeping an eye on the path ahead). And I must be honest - yet again, I shed some tears for you. Well, in a way they were for me because I know that wherever you are you'll be filling all around you with joy.

Just like you filled me with joy, Anu, for which I thank you.

Edit: It occurred to me after I posted this that all those wonderful comments that were left after Anu's passing have gone forever. Luckily, they were included in the letter that I subsequently posted to her parents, and I've reproduced them as comments to/on this post as I believe them to be a more fitting memorial than my words alone:

Musical Monday

2008-07-07T06:47:00.009+01:00

Ashes and Snow

Just a temporary return, perhaps, but for what I think is a special reason - even if it isn't (strictly speaking) a Musical Monday post. However, this video stopped me in my tracks, and I can only urge you to play it when you're able to afford it your complete focus. And play it in full screen mode.

"Gregory Colbert has used both still and movie cameras to explore extraordinary interactions between humans and animals. His exhibition, Ashes and Snow, consists of over 50 large-scale photographic artworks, a 60-minute film, and two 9-minute film haikus. This excerpt is entitled Feather to Fire, and is narrated in three languages by Laurence Fishburne (English), Ken Watanabe (Japanese), and Enrique Rocha (Spanish).""

You can read more at http://www.ashesandsnow.org/, where you'll see that the exhibition in Mexico that closed last April attracted more than 8.7 million visitors in 100 days. As I said, something special.

Thank you for asking...

2008-04-05T12:38:00.005+01:00

I'm sure it hasn't escaped the attention of those that (kindly) check in here from time to time that my intention to return to the world of blogging has largely fallen by the wayside. And the truth is that I'm not entirely sure why it's happened.

I do know that when I started my blog I was single, angst-ridden and under some strange belief that I had a story to tell. At times it’s been an exhilarating ride and at other times it’s been somewhat painful, but I feel that - at the very least - there's been a reality to my life that might just have been missing once upon a time. Perhaps it’s just that, in order to grow, we need to really understand ourselves; and for some of us it takes a life-changing circumstance to start that process of self-evaluation and self-discovery. A lot of things have happened over those two and a half years, and at the very least I can say that I've given it a go.

And now I look back at this little world I shared with anyone who chose to stop by with a sense of comfort. I’ve given glimpses of the physical, the spiritual and the sexual… always honest, always genuine. I’ve also learnt that one can make very real connections without ever meeting in person, and without any likelihood of ever meeting in person. (Mind you, I have met a few, and have never been disappointed or found myself under any kind of misapprehension.) It’s all… well, kind of reassuring. You know what I mean, don’t you?

I have no idea whether I’ll come back here again (maybe I will, soon or not so soon), start afresh at some point, or just put the whole blogging thing down to experience. I will, however, make a serious attempt to keep in touch with you, through the occasional visit to your world online or through more direct means. And please feel free to contact me too, if the mood takes you.

In the meantime, I’ll leave this blog here so that I can carry on where I left off if I choose to. And, of course, as a little reminder of Musical Monday, HNT, nights of lust and madness… in other words, the world of WDKY. And I have to tell you… it’s not a bad world. Not a bad world at all.

Errr...

2008-02-18T19:30:00.007Z

I guess I'm back. A little wrinkled around the edges because life has taken its toll, but then again it's never easy, is it? Anyway...

I've been to Istanbul two or three times, and will be going again in a week or two. I had hoped to meet up with Keda over there but it's looking like that won't be happening as I don't have a great deal of time to go off gallivanting (as my dad would have said). But I have to tell you... it's a crazy city, the people are as friendly as you'll meet anywhere, and I rather like it!

I've also had drama upon drama with Livvy, and at one point she even decided that she was no longer going to grace me with her presence. It did cause a fair amount of upset and i spent more than a few nights sleeping very little over it, but having changed my strategy (I've decided to that I'm just NOT going to get cross with her, or at least not so as she'd know it) she seems to be reverting to the girl that she's been pretending not to be.

Oh yes, and my house project is finished! Remember the bedroom as it was originally?

And after I decorated it in a rather strange style, with the ex-marital antique pine still very much in evidence?

Well, now it looks like this, after a good brightening up, some inset halogen lights and some deliciously walnutty fitted cupboards (sorry about the blurriness - they were snapped on my mobile and I was in a rush)! Unfortunately, that gorgeous leather bed of a few posts ago was a little too big, and I had to change it for the simpler one in the photo below. Shame, as I hate the new one :-(

Actually, the entire house was decorated and Livvy had some cupboards built in her bedroom too. It was a fucking nightmare, not helped by the fact that I work from home, but it was over in about three weeks. Thank god.

To be honest, there's been quite a lot of "stuff" going on, but this post was really just to say that I'm back in the land of the living, and that I'll be trying to post as regularly as I can in future. I can see that a lot of people have been checking in to see what's going on, and there are also a couple of new readers who have left comments or dropped me a line. That's really nice, and all in all it makes me feel quite committed to coming back.

Or maybe I should just be committed :-)

Sometimes...

2008-01-20T17:46:00.000Z

Life just throws too much at you.

Just time for a quickie

2008-01-07T08:50:00.001Z

I can’t believe it’s been a week since I last posted, but there’s no Musical Monday today I’m afraid… I’m about to jump on a plane and head back to Istanbul on business. The truth is that I just haven’t had time to think musically this week. What I would like to do, though, is to thank everyone for some very thoughtful and considered comments on the subject of teenage and parental angst. It looks like something of an ongoing project to me. Hmmmmm.

I have a suspicion that this year – in fact, the next few months – are potentially going to be life-changing, and my head is so full of questions that I’m finding it difficult to sleep. I’m tense, and I don’t like it. Firstly, I’ve been handed a proposition with regard to work that was completely unexpected and that will need me to make some big decisions soon. Essentially, someone I know well has been handed a vast sum of money (I mean vast) to start up a new venture, and he wants to bring me in as a partner. It would mean saying goodbye to the company I’ve built as it would be surplus to requirements, but with a clear exit strategy after 5-7 years it might just be the best opportunity I’ve ever had. I need to think carefully, but I’m beginning to warm to the idea. In fact, it’s getting hot in here…

I’m also doing a load of work on the house, because I’d like to move in the summer and I’m a big House Doctor fan. It needs totally brightening up and there’s so little storage space that I’m having some fitted cupboards built in the bedrooms (in a dark walnut, with light walls - mmmmm!). If the house does go on the market it will be in absolutely perfect condition for selling, and if it doesn’t… well, we’ll be much happier here. Oh, and I’ve bought this gorgeous leather bed to frolick in.

Bea starts a new job (same hotel, different department) today, so it’s goodbye to late shifts and hello to a sex life again. I’ll keep you advised of developments… oh, and I’ll visit soon. I promise. No, really.

Musical Monday

2007-12-31T08:16:00.000Z

I’ve been thinking over the last few days. It occurred to me that this business with Livvy has thrown me more than I realised, and because of that I’ve forgotten some fundamental principles that I try to bear in mind as I meander through this ridiculous life of mine. In any event, why would I be so stupid as to assume that nothing was ever going to change? That my relationship with my children would just go on as it was, without the need for continuous emotional and physical investment on my part and without ever being threatened? Whoever said that it was going to be easy?

Somehow, I’ve believed my own hype… I’ve believed that I’m being the best father I can be when the truth is that I’ve been coasting. Somewhere along the way my relationship with my daughter has suffered, and now I need to put that right. It’ll need effort from Livvy too, but maybe the Big Talk that I saw coming needs to be more of a continuous… I don’t know. A “re-connection”. I think that’s a far better idea than risking driving a wedge between us, and although I don’t do New Year resolutions, this is going to be mine for 2008.

Musical Monday

What with Christmas, New Year, angst regarding Livvy and a bad back, I hadn’t really given much thought to a Musical Monday selection today. But I sat here thinking (well, smoking and thinking) this morning, and realised that some things just take time to resolve. And frustrating though it might be, there are times when we all need... well, a little Patience.

Have a wonderful New Year, and an even more wonderful 2008!

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post and get some music up there!

<a href="http://wdkylondon.blogspot.com/2006/03/musical-monday.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y123/LightestTouch/mmwithcolour.jpg" border="0" height="160" width="120" /></a>

Goodbye to '07

2007-12-28T18:58:00.000Z

So… that was Christmas, then. Due to plans that had to be changed at the last minute as a consequence of various coughs, colds and other maladies, I ended up cooking two Christmas dinners, one on the day and the other on Boxing Day, and fed a total of 16 members of family. I’ve had a bad cold myself for a week and a really painful back (I’m finally going for an x-ray after the new year), so I feel like it was something of an accomplishment. Now I just want to sleep…

Anyway, I know you guys over in the US have a habit of summarising your year in the form of a Christmas greeting. Us Brits actually find it all a bit weird - well, we're a pretty conventional lot - but nevertheless I’m going to give it a shot. Call me a hypocrite (I’ve been called a lot worse, believe me)…

Relationships

What can I say about the events of this year? First of all, after three or four years of playing the eternal bachelor (and, to quote the gorgeous NML, seeing more arse than a toilet seat), I find myself living with a woman 18 years my junior and rather enjoying the experience. Many people have wondered how two people as different as me and Bea have made it work – age, culture, background, even language all seem to dictate otherwise – and the truth is we’re not entirely sure ourselves. All I can say is that she’s the most loving and affectionate woman I’ve ever met, and when you add to that her simmering Latino sexiness… well, give me a break. I’m a lot of things, but I’m not stupid. I'm not one for looking too far ahead because the one thing I know about plans is that they invariably get fucked up, but we're certainly enjoying the here and now. I don’t see any obvious reason for that to change.

This year also saw something of a milestone (how ironic that I almost typed "millstone") so far as my ex-wife is concerned, as now she really is my ex-wife - our divorce became absolute in December after about 5 years of formal separation. The truth is that I was momentarily overjoyed, after which I didn’t think about it again. That said, I find it hard to believe that we were ever together because I really don't like her at all, and her behaviour is becoming more and more unpleasant. She’s now completely unable to communicate other than by being blatantly rude (best case scenario) or screaming down the telephone (normal behaviour). She’s due to give birth to twins some time in January (7 in one house???) and all I can say is… yikes!

Work

In October 2005 I did something rather strange... something that was the consequence of an increasing sense of frustration and dissatisfaction that I knew only I could change. During the course of a routine monthly review meeting with my then-MD Tricky Dicky, I asked if he would be kind enough to make me redundant because "lets face it, we just don't like each other", and even though I had my heart in my mouth it was worth it just to see the look in his face. Priceless!

Last year I was just getting myself up and running, so in reality this has been my first full year of trading. I set myself what looked like a pretty tough target and – having just checked my figures as the year-end approaches – I’ve beaten it by 100%. At times its been soul destroying, and at other times I’ve hated the sense of responsibility – for everything, because there's no-one else to delegate to. I’ve also learnt some tough lessons about business and friendship – sometimes they can go together but often they can’t, and in a sense that has been the toughest lesson of all.

But most of the time I’ve loved it, and I can’t imagine what I'd be feeling now if I hadn't taken the chance to do this when I did . I have a couple of great clients that I've been working with for almost 18 months, I've seen (glimpses, at least, of) countries that I wouldn't otherwise have visited, and I've proven to myself that having the courage of your convictions can make all sorts of things possible. It just takes balls. Now, can I bill you?

The Sprogs

Wow – what changes so far as the kids are concerned. Sam has become so grown-up, and now represents not only the school but one of the local under-11 sides at football (that’s soccer to you lot across the pond). Our relationship is closer than ever, and I’m proud of the kind and sensitive child he’s become (in fact, that he’s always been). Next year he starts secondary school, and I can hardly believe it, but he still curls up with me on the sofa just as he did when he was a toddler. Mind you, he doesn't go upstairs to change into speedos just to watch WWE these days! Bless...

Livvy has begun her tortuous journey through adolescence, and the truth is that it’s not been easy on either of us. She’s often withdrawn, moody, rude or just uncommunicative… aside from when she wants something – usually money – in which case she talks to me as if I’m a human being and even smiles at me sometimes. I’ve come to realise with a reasonable degree of certainty that she’s manipulating her mother, her mother’s manipulating her, or they’re both manipulating each other – whichever it is the result’s the same, it's to my detriment, and it’s reached the stage where its becoming damaging to our relationship. The whispered conversations on mobile phones are increasingly irritating and Bea agrees with me that something needs to be done, so I guess we have a Big Talk coming. I’m not exactly confident that things can be resolved that easily, but I miss the girl she was (and that I know she is), so I have to keep on trying.

There you have it, then… in anyone’s language that was quite a year, but it was also a year that I could never have predicted. And if there's a moral in this story, the moral is this - sometimes we get stuck in what seems like an eternal rut, and it looks like nothing will ever change. But we can make it happen. Of course I know that other factors play a part, but ultimately we're all in charge of our own destiny, and just having the courage to face change in a positive way can transform change itself.

And now, all that’s left is to wish everyone reading this nonsense a happy and healthy 2008. To quote a rather clever guy with even bigger ears than me, may you live long and prosper.

Beam me up, Scotty…

Musical Monday

2007-12-24T13:59:00.000Z

Well, here we are then... a Christmas Eve Musical Monday. And can you imagine how hard it's been to ignore Wizard, Cliff Richard et al and come up with something relatively normal today? In fact, "relatively normal" is something of an understatement because today I'm paying homage to Van the Man. And, that said, what track could I possibly choose other than Moondance?

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas, whether or not it has any religious significance for you. Even for me, the Jewish atheist, I kind of like exchanging gifts, seeing family and friends and generally being decadent for a few days.

Unfortunately, for the second year running I've neglected helping out with Crisis Open Christmas as I've just had too much to do at home, but I shall endeavour to do my bit over the coming year to make up for it... and my thoughts are with anyone for whom Christmas is anything but a time of joy. It can be a difficult few days (as I know from experience all too well), but if nothing else I can give you music!

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post and get some music up there!

<a href="http://wdkylondon.blogspot.com/2006/03/musical-monday.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y123/LightestTouch/mmwithcolour.jpg" border="0" height="160" width="120" /></a>

Musical Monday

2007-12-17T14:18:00.000Z

It's a while since I've posted for Musical Monday. Much has happened in the intervening period, and I'm sure my dwindling band of loyal readers are beside themselves with curiosity. So...

10 er reef (err... thanks, Susie) - we went for 5 days, staying in Bea's apartment with her parents. We drunk a lot, did bad things with substances that shall not be named, slept too little and came back thoroughly exhausted. In other words, we had a good time.

Istanbul - I was there on business for a couple of days, and stayed in a shit-hot hotel. It's a mad but brilliant city, and I'm due back there in early January (and again in February). Unfortunately, I failed to hook up with Keda on her patch as one of the Lets had hurt herself and the timing was difficult. Maybe next time, though...

My face - is now sporting a goatee. It's a while since I've had one and its quite short and (this time around) rather grey, but apparently its very sexy. And it tickles...

Vista - I HATE IT. In fact, I hate it so much that I had it removed from my laptop, and I won't touch it again until well after SP1 has been released (and maybe not even then). A pox on all connected with its development. Or lack of development.

Musical Monday

So, here we are then... and in my usual fashion I shall now proceed to fuse past with present, classic with avante guarde...

Well, anyway, you should all know by now that one of my favourite tracks ever is Massive Attack's "Teardrop", and of course it's been featured before as my MM choice of the week. I also featured a cover recently by none other than Jose Gonzalez, and I thought that version was pretty good too. This week, it's another cover of this wonderful track - this one's even better and it's by Newton Faulkner. The album (Handbuilt By Robots) is excellent, so stick it on your Amazon Wishlist for Christmas if you haven't already got it.

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post and get some music up there!

<a href="http://wdkylondon.blogspot.com/2006/03/musical-monday.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y123/LightestTouch/mmwithcolour.jpg" border="0" height="160" width="120" /></a>

Just to say...

2007-12-09T20:06:00.000Z

I've barely been around for a week or three, although in that time I've been to Tenerife and Istanbul and worked my proverbial balls off before, during and after. It'll be no different for a while yet, and although my Reader is currently well over the 400 mark I simply have no time at all to visit everyone, let alone to leave comments.

To be honest, in other circumstances I wouldn't have posted now but would have waited until things had quietened down a bit. In fact, my reason for doing so is something of a sad one... believe it or not, tomorrow mark's the first anniversary of Anu's death and I just felt that I couldn't let it pass without a word or two.

So, Anu... I want to say that I miss you. I miss the way you made me feel, and I miss posting sometimes, realising that you'd be smiling your beautiful smile as you read it before leaving one of your wonderful comments. You made me believe that I was special, like you made everyone who knew you believe that they were special.

I know you'd rather I didn't cry when I thought of you, but I can't help it... I've never been short on emotion, have I? And, anyway, you're aware of what you meant to me. What you mean to me.

Did I say that I miss you?

Love always,

T x

Chao chao

2007-11-22T20:17:00.000Z

It's been an unbearably hectic couple of weeks, but we're off to Tenerife for a few days, leaving at sparrow fart tomorrow. To say that I need the break would be akin to describing the Mona Lisa as a good drawing.

Apologies for not visiting everyone, but thank you for commenting, as always. It always makes me feel guilty when I don't respond, but the truth is that I was just too busy to do anything other than work.

Right... I'm off, and a Happy Thanksgiving to one and all.

Chao chao.

A Special Musical Monday

2007-11-19T11:59:00.000Z

Musical Monday

I'm frantically topping and tailing some bid documents at the moment, and what with a shitload of other work to do I've barely been around for the last week or two. Consequently, my post today is just going to be about music, but that's quite fitting. because this is a very special Musical Monday indeed.

Some of you may remember my friend "Zoozan" who used to have a blog entitled A life More Interesting but subsequently decided to concentrate on culinary delights (including one of mine!) in For The Love of Food. I've had the pleasure of getting to know her amazing family - including boyfriends, lodgers and pets - rather well over the past few years, and she's rightfully proud of her two gorgeous daughters, Laura and Ali. Whilst Laura's been busily setting about putting the world to rights, Ali has shown that she has a real musical talent, and a genuinely beautiful voice.

You can see something of Ali and the band - Koro - over at their MySpace page, but here's a track fresh from the studio. Ali, you sing like an angel, darling...

Koro, and This Way

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post and get some music up there!

<a href="http://wdkylondon.blogspot.com/2006/03/musical-monday.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y123/LightestTouch/mmwithcolour.jpg" border="0" height="160" width="120" /></a>

A night at the opera

2007-11-17T08:32:00.000Z

I'm not sure how many of you guys have been to the opera, or would even go should you ever get the chance. I must admit that, when Bea suggested seeing Carmen at the London Coliseum a while ago, it wasn't something that was at the top of my list of things to do; but the truth is that I really, really enjoyed it. Not just the production itself (it was a contemporary version, by the English National Opera) but the fact that I was there, in a place I hadn't been to before. And I was doing something new.

Its a funny thing, living by yourself for a few years after spending a large chunk of your life playing your part in the traditional nuclear family. Its so easy to get into a routine, and to just keep doing the same thing week in week out, year in year out. Because there's a rather insidious allure in doing what you want, when you want... in not having to please anyone but yourself. I know that's what I was in danger of doing, even though I wasn't exactly living a conventional life (ahem), and sometimes I look at others around me and see the rut that they've got themselves in. And its frightening.

Life can just pass you by without you even realising that its happened. The time we have is short, and its precious, and even when things seem to be going badly - and trust me, I can relate to that - its an amazing world out there. And maybe this journey of ours can sometimes see like one long test of endurance, and can be painful... but you never know what's around the corner. The thing is, you have to have your eyes open to see it.

Musical Monday

2007-11-12T09:23:00.000Z

It’s been a week since I posted - doesn't time fly?! Partly, it's the consequence of being madly busy – I have three projects on the go right now, and what with that and Sam’s footballing exploits I barely have time to breathe. But it's also the consequence of just needing something of a break from the computer, and from Blogging in particular... I’m sure you’ve all been there.

One of the projects I mentioned is going to take me to Istanbul (if you're really old, you may be calling it Constantinople) three times over the next two or three months, and all being well I’m hoping to meet up once again with the lovely patchouli girl, Keda… we did manage to hook up in London for a drink a while back, since which time both of our lives have changed somewhat. Maybe I’ll meet the lovelylets as well this time, but it'll be nice to see her again and maybe it'll keep me out of trouble while I'm there!

Anyway, tonight we're going to the opera (no, not me and Keda... me and Bea!), so maybe a bit of culture will re-energise me or something. That aside, I’ll try to work through my Reader over the next day or so, and in the meantime thanks for the (one or two) emails I received to check if all was okay. Oh, and for the comments, a couple of which, in particular, made me smile.

Musical Monday

A while back, I featured Bjork for Musical Monday, and – not for the first time – I was pointed in the direction of Sigur Ros, also from Iceland, as a band I should get familiar with.

Formed in 1994, they were named after the sister of one of the founder-members (Sigurrós, born on the day the band officially came into being), and achieved critical acclaim in the late nineties with the album featured today.

So, this week Sigur Ros it is, and a video that I really do suggest you take some time to watch in peace and quiet. The track is beautiful, and the video is haunting. All in all, a breathtaking combination.

Vidrar Vel Til Loftarasa, from the album Ágætis Byrjun.

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post and get some music up there!

<a href="http://wdkylondon.blogspot.com/2006/03/musical-monday.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y123/LightestTouch/mmwithcolour.jpg" border="0" height="160" width="120" /></a>

Musical Monday

2007-11-05T07:33:00.000Z

I’m off to the gym in a minute. Over the last few months, I seem to have put on about 7 or 8 pounds in weight (no, I have no idea what that is in kilos – I’m British!) and its proving a little difficult to get off again. With Christmas coming, I’ve decided that it needs a concerted effort, because otherwise I’m risking looking like a right porker come January.

A few years ago, I just had to think about losing weight and it would fall off. Age takes its toll, and it was only recently that I was playing in the park with the kids, jumped up to grab a low-hanging bough so that I could climb a tree… and fell crashing to the ground. All in all, it’s seriously depressing.

Anyway, as well as refereeing Sam’s school matches I’ve now been asked to referee the S* A****** Rangers home games, so I need to get myself in good shape for that too. And I’ve decided that when I’ve done it I’m going to reward my (ever-dwindling) loyal readers with a beautifully-slimline HNT. Yes, even the guys, so prepare yourselves!

Musical Monday

Booster asked last week if I could post some Joni Mitchell for Musical Monday, and I’m delighted to oblige whilst also feeling a little embarrassed that I haven’t done so already – it’s very remiss of me. Joni is not only hugely successful as a singer/songwriter, but she’s also been hugely influential - her work has had an enormous influence on artists as disparate as Annie Lennox, Elvis Costello, Tori Amos, Clannad, Madonna, Prince, Björk, George Michael, Conor Oberst, Morrissey, and KT Tunstall amongst others.

She has received five Grammy Awards during her career, with the first coming in 1969 and the most recent in 2000. She also received a Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award in 2002, with the citation describing her as "one of the most important female recording artists of the rock era" and "a powerful influence on all artists who embrace diversity, imagination and integrity."

This song, from the album “Blue”, is possibly my favourite, although as is so often the case it was a close call. It also has a very personal, very intense meaning for me... from another life, a long, long time ago. But sometimes it seems like yesterday...

“A Case of You”.

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post and get some music up there!

<a href="http://wdkylondon.blogspot.com/2006/03/musical-monday.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y123/LightestTouch/mmwithcolour.jpg" border="0" height="160" width="120" /></a>

Flash 55 Friday...

2007-11-02T22:15:00.000Z

Or something... anyway, I thought I'd play today.

Darkness. Nothing moved, but the shadows seemed to watch me, mocking. Laughing.

The rain fell in torrents, but at least nobody had noticed the cold sweat clinging to my body, chilling me beneath my clothes.

My whole life had lead me to this moment, to my destiny behind this faded, peeling door. Trembling, I knocked.

I enjoyed that... Kudos to Susie!

Musical Monday

2007-10-29T09:38:00.000Z

It was something of a mad weekend, and one that was indicative of how little time I have these days... to wander around with my camera, get myself to the gym... or just do nothing at all. Anyway, Saturday morning I was at football training with Sam, followed by some food shopping in the afternoon in preparation for a couple of friends coming round for dinner in the evening. Has anyone ever cooked on a raclette? If not, try it – its messy, and its fun, especially when copious amounts of wine are flowing… we had a kind of charcuterie thing going on, with melted swiss cheese, some chicken and vegetable kebabs, baby new potatoes, fresh baguettes... mmmmm! All followed by fresh fruit salad and lots of ICE CREAM!

Then on Sunday morning it was time for Sam’s second competitive match for S* A****** Rangers and this time they reversed last weeks defeat in winning 10-2!!! Sam played in midfield this time, but some of his touches, and his passing & dribbling generally, were sublime and he was delighted afterwards (well, who wouldn’t be?). So was I, naturally.

Later it was off to Tottenham for the latest saga in a very sad season to date… but with a bit of luck the dream ticket of Juande Ramos and Gus Poyet as head coach and first team coach respectively will give us a bit of hope for the season and put us back where we belong next year. I'm not going to get melodramatic over our horrendous start to the season and say that it feels like my life has come to an end... but I must admit, it feels like my life has come to an end. (It was the great Bill Shankley who said "Football's not a matter of life and death. Its more important than that"!)

Musical Monday

I was challenged indirectly last week by the rather cheeky Jay, who suggested that I wouldn’t know an up to date track if it hit me between the eyes!

I almost rose to that challenge too, until I played an album that dates back to 1972. Then, with a sigh, I bowed to the inevitable, knowing that this week was destined to be like so many others… what can I say? I’m just a musical dinosaur!

Anyway, a few years ago I went to see a Lou Reed gig at the Royal Albert Hall. He was excellent, but I left thinking that Transformer was still his best album. I think, after listening to these two gems, that you might just have to agree with me.

Perfect Day

Walk on The Wild Side

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post (by the way, this is the code if you want the new image link, i.e. the colour version. Go on, you know you want to change it…):

<a href="http://wdkylondon.blogspot.com/2006/03/musical-monday.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y123/LightestTouch/mmwithcolour.jpg" border="0" height="160" width="120" /></a>

Family

2007-10-26T09:15:00.000+01:00

I went to see Mum on the way to football last night. She’s recovered well from the recent operation on her ankle and – although she’s presently walking with the aid of a frame – the plaster comes off her leg in three weeks and she’ll be better able to get around than she has been for years.

All things considered, things have been pretty good between us over the last few years. I say “all things considered” because my relationship with my parents was always difficult. In fact, difficult is something of an understatement… when my father was terminally ill in hospital a few years ago I went to see him, seeking a reconciliation after an estrangement that had lasted six or seven years. He sent me away with the words “You’ve never been a proper son, so don’t try to be one now”. He died shortly afterwards, and the ambivalent feelings towards him from which I seem unable to escape have been a constant in my life both before and since. Not necessarily an issue that anyone else would be aware of, but one that nags away in the shadows nonetheless.

Yesterday, Mum wanted to talk to me… to explain that – even though it might not seem like it sometimes – she loves me as much as she does my brother and sister. I didn’t ask for that conversation to take place but it was the culmination of a few painful exchanges this week. And I was asking myself, as I lay in bed in the early hours this morning, why a guy of 47 is still seeking answers to questions that stretch as far back as his childhood. I know I’m not unique in this respect, but I find it unsettling. As if it's indicative of some kind of failure in my life.

Sometimes, I try to analyse the way I am with my own children, and to determine whether the mistakes my parents made with me are mistakes that I’m now repeating myself. It’s a useful benchmark, I guess, albeit a negative one. And I know that being a parent is never easy, and that it doesn’t really get any easier. Maybe all that really matters is that your children know you love them.

And maybe that’s what Mum was hoping I'd understand last night.

Telepathy

2007-10-24T13:56:00.000+01:00

I was on my own in the lounge with Sam on Sunday afternoon, watching yet another debacle for English sport as Lewis Hamilton’s gearbox problems cost him about 12 places in the field during the course of the Brazilian Grand Prix and – ultimately – the F1 World Championship. Anyway, for some reason my eyes were drawn to the new and unused 3-wick candle (still wrapped in cellophane) that’s sitting on the hearth in front of the fireplace.

“Sam, why has my new candle got a big dent in the side and a piece missing?” I enquired.

“I don’t know” he replied. “That’s weird, though.”

Then, on Monday, I was in the kitchen with Bea. “WDKY, what’s happened to that lovely ornament that was on the mantelpiece in the lounge? The one Sue bought…” she asked (sorry Zooz – it was that one!). In a flash, the mystery of the dented candle was solved and all became clear.

“Hah!!!” I cried. “I told him about that bloody football…”

I called Sam at his Mum’s house. “Now listen carefully, Sam” I began, “You have one opportunity to answer these questions truthfully, and only one. I'm pretty sure that I already know the answers, so be very, very careful. Okay?”

“Errr… okay Dad…”

“Okay... 1. When did you break the ornament in the lounge? 2. Were you playing football? And 3. Where have you hidden it?”

“Don’t be cross with me, Dad…”

“Sam…!”

“I broke it yesterday – the ball came off the wall at a funny angle.”

“And?”

“I hid it under my wardrobe. Sorry, Dad.”

“What have I told you about playing football in the lounge, Sam?”

“You said I’d end up breaking something.”

“And what am I going to say now?”

“No more football in the house, Dad.”

It’s good to have such a telepathic understanding with your children, don’t you think?!?

As an aside, Sam played his first ever competitive match on Sunday morning (other than for the school team) when he turned out for S* A***** Rangers Under 11's. Like any good kid who realised that his father was almost overcome with pride would do, he scored in the first few minutes with a cheeky volley from a corner that he skillfully sent over his shoulder and into the goal.

His team went on to lose.

10-1.

Photos courtesy of Olivia...

Musical Monday

2007-10-22T16:49:00.000+01:00

Musical Monday - Part 3 of 3

Well, as you can imagine things have been a bit hectic since Paris last week, and consequently it's been something of a struggle to get around my Blogroll since I got back (I'll try to do something about that, though). I also don't have time to post much more than my music selection today, which is the last in a series-style tribute to the great songwriting duo of Burt Bacharach and Hal David.

As it is the last, I've opted for two great tracks from two great singers, and next week will see something of a return to the present. It should be obvious that my taste in music is pretty eclectic, but I must admit that I sometimes listen to older tracks and sigh wistfully... even if some of them were from era's that were even before my time. (Shut up - I'm not that old!) Right - here you go then... and as always, enjoy!

Sandy Shaw - (There's) Always Something There To Remind Me

Bobby Gentry - I'll Never Fall In Love Again

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post (by the way, this is the code if you want the new image link, i.e. the colour version. Go on, you know you want to change it…):

<a href="http://wdkylondon.blogspot.com/2006/03/musical-monday.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y123/LightestTouch/mmwithcolour.jpg" border="0" height="160" width="120" /></a>

Paris

2007-10-20T17:14:00.000+01:00

Well, we're back, and what a wonderful few days we had. It didn't start as positively as it might have done, mind you... as soon as we arrived at the Eurostar terminal at Waterloo we were advised that the train and bus drivers in France were all on strike for pretty much the whole duration we were there. That meant no Metro (which was how we intended to get around the city) and a possible cancellation of the Eurostar we'd booked for the journey home.

Consequently, we did a lot of walking for a couple of days (and when I say a lot...) and then decided to stay an extra night to be sure we could get home when we wanted to. It all worked out pretty well in the end, actually - the extra night was perfect, and the Metro was operating again by lunchtime on our second day there. Which was just as well, as the city was slowly being invaded by English and South African rugby fans going for the World Cup Final this evening.

I've posted a few photos below, although many of them were just snapped as we wandered around. That said, there's some at the Louvre, Notre Dame, Sacré Coeur and The Arc de Triumphe as well as a number of general shots. And for anyone who hasn't had the joy of visiting Paris, I can only suggest that you do your damnedest to get there some time... it's the most beautiful city, and somewhere I'd live at the drop of a hat if I could. Everything centres around the bars and restaurants - it really is the epitome of café culture, no more than where we were staying... directly opposite the Café de Flore and Les Deux Magots - the two most famous in Paris and right in the heart of St Germaine in the Left Bank's Latin quarter.

And I proved one thing to myself... my French is a lot better than my Spanish. I can't say the same for Bea's, though ;-)

Musical Monday

2007-10-15T09:44:00.000+01:00

Yes, I know… it’s actually Sunday over here, but I thought I’d get this post done and dusted (you’ll get that one later) because I’ve been a little excited about it since last week. And anyway, this will probably be my last post of any substance before we go to Paris for a few days in celebration of Bea hitting the big three zero!

The last month or two have been kind of difficult for us in some ways. Bea’s hours have been rather anti-social and I’ve had a lot of pressure through work (and pig-headed clients). We’ve battled through, though, and this trip has been one of the things that we’ve been really looking forward to. The Eiffel Tower, Sacré Coeur, the Louvre, Notre Dame, the Arc de Triumphe, Champs Elysées (and yes, the Buddha Bar itself)… so little time and so much to see. I’ll be taking lots of photos, hopefully, and may well post some of them on here.

Musical Monday - Part 2 of 3

Mary Isobel Catherine Bernadette O'Brien's first professional musical experience came in 1958, when she joined the British vocal group the Lana Sisters and recorded a number of singles with them over the following two years.

In 1960 she left the Lana Sisters and formed the pop-folk trio the Springfields with brother Dion O'Brien and Tim Feild (the two of whom had been working together as the Kensington Squares). According to Tim Feild, the new trio chose "the Springfields" as their name while practising in a field in Somerset in the spring of that year. So Mary (who had been nicknamed "Dusty" as a child) became Dusty Springfield, and the rest is history.

Springfield had become a fan of Burt Bacharach in the early 60’s (largely influenced by Dionne Warwick’s collaboration with him, and later with Hal David), and recorded a number of Bacharach/David compositions including "I Just Don't Know What to Do with Myself", which reached number 3 in Britain. She was chosen to record the original version of "The Look of Love" for the 1967 Bond movie Casino Royale and it was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Song of 1967. In 1968 a cover version by Sergio Mendes and Brazil 66 became a bigger hit than the original; however, the song has remained more closely associated with Springfield, whose interpretation is widely regarded as definitive.

Before releasing her final album, A Very Fine Love, in 1995, Springfield was diagnosed with breast cancer. She received treatment and, for a time, the cancer was in remission. Unfortunately, howver, it was detected again in the summer of 1996 and Springfield, after a spirited fight, was eventually defeated. She died, aged 59, just ten days before her induction into the US Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. The day she died was also the day she had been due to go to Buckingham Palace to receive her OBE medal.

Right… here it is then – part 2 of my tribute to Burt Bacharach and Hal David, and The Look of Love. A beautiful song, delivered to perfection by the late Mary Isobel Catherine Bernadette O'Brien. That’s Dusty Springfield to you.

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post (by the way, this is the code if you want the new image link, i.e. the colour version. Go on, you know you want to change it…):

<a href="http://wdkylondon.blogspot.com/2006/03/musical-monday.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y123/LightestTouch/mmwithcolour.jpg" border="0" height="160" width="120" /></a>

More black ties and carriages

2007-10-11T12:37:00.001+01:00

Well, I should probably apologies for not being around much this week. The project that I'm working on - and have been for the last few weeks - reaches a critical milestone tomorrow, when the pack of documents I've been putting together have to be issued to various parties who are still involved at this stage of the process. it's meant some very late nights and not much time for anything other than working. that said, everything seems to have come together over the last 24 hours and I'm reasonably sure that we'll avoid any last minute crises. Now I've said that, of course, there'll no doubt be some last minute crises.

The function I went to on Monday was unfortunately not open to partners to attend as well (boo), but all is not lost as there's another one tonight that is (yay).

This time it's in a castle that dates back to the 12th century, would you believe, and Bea - who's getting her hair done as I type - is coming too. She's a little nervous and will no doubt be on the look-out for these illusive carriages she keeps hearing about. If we see any, I'll be sure to take photos :-)

I think I'd better get back to these documents, as I only have until late afternoon before we have to set off. Hopefully I'll have an opportunity to be a little more sociable as the week draws to an end!

Musical Monday

2007-10-08T08:02:00.001+01:00

Tonight I'm off to one of the nicest hotels in London for a black tie dinner. (I would tell you which one it is, but then someone else who's also going might do a search on it and end up here, so I'd better not. Because that would be... bad!)

Anyway, the dinner is work-related and I'm a guest on the table of a company from which I'm hoping to get a nice project at the end of the year, so I'll have to stay (relatively) sober and try to leave my bow-tie on at least until after dinner. I have been known to misbehave at this event in the past, as it happens (no, there's no surprise there...).

I was looking at the invitation earlier, and was laughing at Bea's face as she read the phrase "Carriages at 1am"... this country really is steeped in tradition, but the truth is that I like it. Tradition can be... well, comforting sometimes, and although I only go to two or three black tie functions in any year there's something about walking through the West End looking like a penguin that I enjoy.

Musical Monday - Part 1 of 3

So, given that I'm a throwback to Victorian times, I decided that I'm going to do a Musical Monday series - reminiscent of some of my more popular HNT's - to demonstrate the fact. The next three weeks, therefore, are going to be a kind of musical tribute to two of the greatest songwriters of modern(ish) times. Burt Bacharach and Hal David, or just "Bacharach and David". If you fancy reading something about them and their amazing collaboration have a look at this article; otherwise just sit back and enjoy Dionne Warwick singing "Walk On By".

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post (by the way, this is the code if you want the new image link, i.e. the colour version. Go on, you know you want to change it…):

<a href="http://wdkylondon.blogspot.com/2006/03/musical-monday.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y123/LightestTouch/mmwithcolour.jpg" border="0" height="160" width="120" /></a>

You gotta love 'em

2007-10-05T09:56:00.000+01:00

Clients, that is. After adding more than two weeks leeway at the tail end of a project I'm working on, I booked a short holiday in Tenerife so that Bea could see her family and we could unwind a bit. Safe enough? I thought so too, but now it seems that - because my client has failed to meet all his deadlines (his deadlines) for document approval and sign-off Bea will probably have to go on her own.

I know I've been moaning about work a lot recently, but this kind of thing fucks me right off. I could remain resolute in my determination to go, but if I do it will probably cost me about £2000 in respect of missed days when I'm needed over here. I'm tempted to cut off my nose to spite my face, but the truth is I doubt that I will. I can't write off that kind of money - I wish! - and I'll probably have to end up biting the bullet and smiling politely! (Update: he's been a star, and has insisted in reworking the programme around my holiday! There is a god)

To make myself feel better I went for a walk on my way back from a meeting yesterday, and took a photo of "The Gherkin", one of my favourite buildings in London . It's actually in the City - that's the financial district that originally encompassed precisely one square mile (although the boundaries long ago extended and have since become slightly blurred). Anyway, Wikipedia's take on the building itself...

30 St Mary Axe is a building in London's main financial district, the City of London. It is widely known by the nickname "The Gherkin", and occasionally as The Swiss Re Tower, Swiss Re Building, or just Swiss Re, after its previous owner but principal occupier. It is 180 m (590 ft) tall, making it the second-tallest building in the City of London after Tower 42, and the sixth-tallest in London as a whole. The design is by Pritzker Prize-winner Lord Foster and ex-partner Ken Shuttleworth and Arup engineers. It was constructed by Skanska of Sweden between 2001 and 2004.

It looks a lot more impressive when you click on the image and see it in it's true size. Actually, here's a much better one, although I didn't take it. It's the view from Bishopsgate, in case you're interested :-)

Spreading the love

2007-10-03T07:39:00.000+01:00

Anyone with kids in their last year of primary school (no, I have no idea what that's called in the States - perhaps Junior High - but here they change schools after Year 6/aged 11) will appreciate what a difficult time it can be. In fact, its a bloody nightmare.

After watching Sam play football this afternoon, we're off for a tour of yet another possible destination although this time it's a single-sex school. I'm really not even sure why I'm taking him to see it (I'm much, much more in favour of co-ed) but in this area there's a real dearth of schools that meet the criteria were looking for - good results, state of the art facilities and decent kids - and we have to look at all the possibilities.

It's actually not that unusual for families to move simply to get inside the catchment area of a school they particularly like, and the whole process can end up being more than a little trying. All in all, then (what with client troubles, school angst and rather depressing football results) it seems like a perfect time to push all the problems of everyday life to one side and think about something altogether nicer...

Every now and again I post video on here, and there's always a good reason for my doing so. This occasion is no different, and the short movie below is well worth 8 minutes of your time. Because sometimes its nice to have a smile put on your face, and to know that there's a little love out there, isn't it?

(And this little gem has apparently won in the order of 35 film awards. Within that context... what's 8 minutes, eh?)

Musical Monday

2007-10-01T11:08:00.001+01:00

Well, I got through last week relatively unscathed. Unscathed, that is, aside from a "difference of opinion" with the client for whom the work was being carried out that made me realise why so many of my friends in the same line of work as me refuse to go down the consultancy route... it's a fucking hard way to earn a living, and it can be soul destroying at times.

I felt better when I emailed my invoice, though. Much better, actually.

Musical Monday

I'm particularly pleased with my musical treat today. I imagine everyone knows by now that I love the Bristol music scene over here, of which Massive Attack is a major part. I also really do enjoy the music of José González, although I'd be the first to admit that they're poles apart. Well, how about a a José González cover of my favourite track by Massive Attack? "You're mad", I hear you cry, but I kid you not. This is Teardrop (live), and I like it. I like it a lot, in fact.

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post (by the way, this is the code if you want the new image link, i.e. the colour version. Go on, you know you want to change it…):

<a href="http://wdkylondon.blogspot.com/2006/03/musical-monday.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y123/LightestTouch/mmwithcolour.jpg" border="0" height="160" width="120" /></a>

The second coming

2007-09-27T08:34:00.000+01:00

Two more days of madness. I’m not quite wilting under the pressure, and it’s true that I found the time to go watch Spurs win yesterday, but the demands of this week have been unrelenting. Anyway, you know what they say... when the going gets tough…

Things at home have been difficult lately, with Bea having had to work a couple of weeks of late shifts (which entails coming home at 3am, when I’m fast asleep and not easily roused) and me having had a bit of a cough and cold. This week, though, I’m better and we’re managing to spend some proper time together; consequently we’ve lived what feels much more like a “normal” life, and slowly but surely everything is falling into place again. For some reason, as I typed that sentence the words from that wonderful W B Yeats poem sprang to mind… you know the one.

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Was that a little melodramatic? Probably, but I must admit it takes me back… A-Level English Literature, smoking behind the 6th-form block, those parties I was writing about the other day… 18 hour days seemed easy then!

I'll catch up with you all soon, I hope. In the meantime, the poem’s called The Second Coming. It really is one of my all-time favourites, by one of my all-time favourite poets... you could do worse than to check it out.

Musical Monday

2007-09-24T10:57:00.001+01:00

So... the week of complete madness has started, and if I seem to be less visible than normal just blame the fucking ridiculous deadlines that I'm working to. Is it worth it? Ask me when I've banked the cheque!

In the meantime, let's seek solace in some music... this week, I've gone back in time again to an old staple from the days when the simple things in life were all we cared about... a few friends armed with a bottle and a spliff, some beautiful young thing for the night, and the next football match.

I have no idea why things become more complicated as we get older, but I wish they wouldn't, or didn't have to...

For those of you with long memories - or shorter memories but a taste for vintage music - how about some JJ Cale and, perhaps, a little... Cocaine?

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post (by the way, this is the code if you want the new image link, i.e. the colour version. Go on, you know you want to change it…):

<a href="http://wdkylondon.blogspot.com/2006/03/musical-monday.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y123/LightestTouch/mmwithcolour.jpg" border="0" height="160" width="120" /></a>

The one where...

2007-09-22T09:00:00.000+01:00

…he moans about work.

It’s Saturday morning, and I’m working. There’s nothing unusual about this, as it happens, and I’ll no doubt work tomorrow too – the only difference this weekend is that Bea’s got her days off, and so I’ll feel a little guilty about it as well as being slightly more cross than I usually am that I can’t just switch off for a couple of days like most other people.

For the last few weeks, my work day has tended to start at around 6.30am and finish somewhere near 10pm… not every day, but most days. From Monday it’s going to get worse, because I have one project that’ll be hitting a peak and another (involving some work in Turkey) that’s about to start. The reality is that there’s no divide between my working day and whatever everyone else seems to have – I think it’s called “leisure time”. And it isn’t just me, I know, because a friend who’s running a similar business (another consultancy in the same sector) works longer hours than I do.

This year – from January to December – it looks like I’m going to bill double what I earned in my last year as a salaried employee. My costs (overheads and subcontractors) only amount to around 20% and I pay less in tax than I would have done as an employee, so I should be happy. But the truth is that any surplus income I have needs to be set aside in case next year is a quiet one; I don’t even feel like I’m reaping the benefits because the consequence of this constant uncertainly is that I don’t actually spend any more than I used to. I just don’t have any immediate financial worries like I might have done, and perhaps used to.

I’m sorry if this sounds like I’m complaining when, instead, I should be rejoicing in my good fortune. But I’m fed up with being tired, and I have a headache. My friend (who I referred to above, and who’s also effectively the subcontractor I mentioned) has let me down big time on a piece of work he was meant to be doing for me, and I’m probably going to spend much my day doing what I’ve paid him to do. And I have a headache - did I mention that?

Enjoy the weekend… those of you that have one. Normal service will be resumed shortly.

Love is blind

2007-09-19T10:23:00.005+01:00

So... there you go, then. In all the excitement of the new dishwasher’s arrival and impending project deadlines, I would have forgotten if Bea hadn't looked at me earnestly this morning and said "Congratulations". I looked back at her quizzically for a moment, and then it dawned on me. I suspect that it would have completely passed me by in other circumstances.

I have a little bit of child-related drama going on with my ex at the moment, and its driven home to me yet again that she’s a woman full of anger and bitterness. She probably always has been - she certainly has a history of treating those around her (those that she purports to “love”) with contempt. Not always, but ultimately always, if you get my drift. Well, I don't often quote the Bible (Jewish atheists tend not to) but I'm bound to say... as you sow shall you reap.

Understandably I imagine, I’ve asked myself how I didn’t see all this from the beginning, and maybe the answer lies in some of the comments one or two of her oldest friends have made to me over the last few years… “This is the woman that we all know - the one you see now. The woman you thought you married was in temporary residence…” But actually, amongst all the bad there was a lot of good, and even a bit of great. And if ever there was a reason (well, two actually) not to look at those thirteen years of my life as a mistake... well, I'd better go and check their bolognese sauce.

Because if there's one thing they love it's their Dad's bolognese sauce.

Musical Monday

2007-09-17T16:32:00.000+01:00

After all the soul-searching of late, I decided that I needed to get out and play more. What with one thing and another, though, getting out proved to be harder than anticipated so staying in and playing therefore became a slightly more viable option. Well, who would have thought that our friends at Blogger would be so helpful?

I was on my Dashboard yesterday (intending to try a template tweak or two) and stumbled across Blogger Play (in fact, that's quite an approriate expression because it's not dissimilar to StumbleUpon in concept). If I've got the tag right, clicking on the image below should take you straight there. The photos you'll see are uploaded by Blogger in real time - in other words, as they're posted to blogs you see them appear on the screen. And by clicking on them, you'll be taken straight to the blog post concerned.

Its intriguing. And its fun.

Musical Monday

For a while there I was stuck in a rut of my musical past, but you'll be impressed to learn that this week I'm not a great deal more than a decade from being up to date. And this track is one I heard a few weeks ago purely by chance, and I liked it so much that I did a Victor Kiam and bought the album. In fact, I bought two because it was 2 for 1 (give or take an extra 50p) on Amazon that day!

Anyway, a little about Fiona Apple, courtesy of Wikipedia... "Apple is a member of a family rich with roots in entertainment. Born in New York City, she is the daughter of singer Diane McAfee and actor Brandon Maggart. Her older sister, Amber Taleullah, sings cabaret under the stage name Maude Maggart. Her brother Spencer is a director and directed the video for her single "Parting Gift". Her half brother Garett Maggart starred in the TV series The Sentinel. In addition, her maternal grandparents were Millicent Green, a dancer with the George White's Scandals, a series of 1920s musical revues similar to the Ziegfeld Follies, and Johnny McAfee, a multireedist and vocalist of the big band era; her grandparents met while touring with Johnny Hamp and his Orchestra.

Hmmmm... quite the pedigree. In 1996 Apple's debut album, Tidal, was released by a subsidiary of Sony. The album went on to sell 2.7 million copies and was certified three times platinum in the U.S. My favourite track (and the one I was referring to earlier) is Shadowboxer, and that's what I give you today.

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post (by the way, this is the code if you want the new image link, i.e. the colour version. Go on, you know you want to change it…):

<a href="http://wdkylondon.blogspot.com/2006/03/musical-monday.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y123/LightestTouch/mmwithcolour.jpg" border="0" height="160" width="120" /></a>

A question answered

2007-09-14T08:35:00.000+01:00

I seem to be starting each of my posts lately with a reference to the one that came before, but on this occasion I felt that I had to acknowledge (and say thank you for) the comments that were left following - yes, you guessed it - my last post. I appreciated the sentiments expressed very much.

I’m not sure whether that one post had any particular influence on my Mexican chick but whether it did or not she saw fit to ask me a question as part of a game of tag along the following lines (and I’m not being narcissistic in any way, just trying to adhere to the rules)… “You're also one of those bloggers who can string thoughts together in such a way that probes the deeper recesses of my mind. You make me think. Who or what inspires you to write like you do?” That’s some compliment – which I'll accept, even if I do so with a degree of embarrassment – and I think I’ll go back to the beginning in trying to formulate some kind of coherent response…

I think that I’ve hinted more than once before that I consider myself to have gone some way in terms of my… I don’t know. Let’s call it personal development. I certainly wasn’t always “the person that I am now” and some of that change has come about because I didn’t like what I saw back then. In fact, I’ll be more brutal with myself, and admit that I didn’t like some of what I did back then either. Can we all say that? Frankly, I don't know, and in any event I'm not sure that I want or need to benchmark myself in that way. But for me, it was true.

I guess, like for all of us, there were things about my childhood, my adolescence, my relationship with parents and other influential people in my life… I could go on, but what I’m saying is that there were things that played a part in shaping who it was that I was becoming. But somewhere along the way, I think that I realised (and accepted) that responsibility for who I was had to rest with me, and me alone; it wasn’t enough to be a passenger, and it wasn’t acceptable to try to reason away my behaviour when – deep down – I didn’t necessarily like that behaviour. I suspect that this thought process came to a head when I was in my late twenties and my first marriage ended, but the knowledge that in some way – in any way – I had to keep on looking at myself in the mirror (and questioning what I saw) continued as the paths I took in my life meandered in unexpected ways.

One of the things I strive for in trying to be the person that I want to be is honesty… in both thought and in expression of that thought - even if it hurts occasionally. Because, you know, it’s just as easy to be dishonest with ourselves as it is to be dishonest with other people. Perhaps I’m fortunate in being able to express myself in the way that I want to, at least most of the time, and that’s really all I try to do in this medium of ours. To express myself with as much honesty as possible.

Whether I succeed or not may just depend on how I feel about what I write. Or maybe its about how able I am to make some kind of connection with whoever chooses to read. Maybe its a combination of the two? And I’m not even sure if that answered the question, but I hope it was close enough as makes no difference! And apologies for making this a long and slightly rambling post... I wasn't going to, but it just happened that way (so shoot me...).

The company you keep

2007-09-12T09:17:00.000+01:00

Ever had one of those weeks when things just seem to… happen? The kind of things that halt you in your tracks for a moment. That make you stop and think for a second.

Anyone who’s been reading this blog since the early days will know that I’ve been separated from my ex for some time (in fact, it’s about four and a half years). Those days were not the most pleasant of my life… she was unfaithful and I went against every instinct in my body in giving her a second chance. It all became quite traumatic as the lies and deceit continued, and if I learnt one thing it was that second chances are not things that should be given without a great deal of thought! Anyway, I digress…

A few days ago, I received a letter from the solicitor who’s been dealing with my divorce proceedings (finally). It seems that the Decree Nisi is to be granted on 18th September; and thereafter, the Decree Absolute will be granted on 31st October.

I read the letter and then tried to determine what it was that I felt, and the conclusion was stark and mildly surprising. I felt nothing.

Then - yesterday - I was taking Sam to buy a new pair of football boots, and I decided to question him, subtly, about a text I received a couple of days ago that seemed slightly strange at the time. He was a little reticent at first but then gladly relieved himself of the burden of information that for some reason he'd been made to promise not to divulge; it seems that my ex – who’s now 40 and was sterilised whilst we were married – has successfully undergone IVF and is now expecting in February. In fact, she’s expecting twins (god help her!).

As we sat in the car, and indeed later that evening, I again tried to determine what I felt, and the conclusion was just the same. Again, I felt nothing… save for trying to ascertain how it would impact the precious time that I spend with my children.

We’re all shaped by the sum of our experiences. Those experiences can be hard to deal with but deal with them we must, because the alternative doesn’t bear thinking about… a life in which we deny ourselves the opportunity of finding contentment. Of being happy again. And I don’t mean happy with another person; I mean happy with who we are, as individuals. Because in a sense we have to get through life alone, whatever our circumstances.

I realised with a degree of certainty that was comforting that I now find myself in that position – happy with who I am. And it reminds me of a few lines from The Invitation, by Oriah Mountain Dreamer…

“I want to know if you can be alone with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.”

I can, and I do.

Musical Monday

2007-09-10T12:21:00.000+01:00

Well, there’s clearly no doubt that the BBC documentary (Guys and Dolls) featured in my last post was both fascinating and disturbing, and I enjoyed reading the comments that were left. Many of my own thoughts were expressed in those comments, and I was left with two overriding feelings after watching it. (Twice, I might add!)

Firstly, the objectification of women as sexually-compliant, non-thinking/speaking, commodities; available whenever required, never complaining, toys to be hung from a chain (like a carcass at an abattoir) until – or when no longer – required... well, it left me feeling that something here was very, very wrong.

Secondly, the rather sad and pitiful proposition that (most) of these guys believed that they were enjoying a “relationship” with their dolls… that is, a relationship with a piece of plastic (okay, plastic with interchangeable tongues and vaginas, but inanimate nonetheless). What on earth does that say about the parental and other role models/influences that have resulted in them being so completely unable to relate in a social context to REAL women? (And what about the guy with EIGHT dolls, all modeled in accordance with some sleazy, stereo-typical fantasy of woman-as-sex-toy?)

I don’t have any problem at all with sex-aids as masturbatory devices; in fact, I find the double standards thing that normally seems to apply in this area of sexuality (and which, ironically, are generally "in favour of" women) quite worrying at times. Neither do I have a problem in recognising that some people have severe social deficiencies, and that these deficiencies need to be recognised and – in some way – treated so as to ensure that no harm comes to others as a consequence.

But… I don’t know. Somehow, this just doesn't seem right. And I can’t really put it any more intelligently than that, I’m afraid.

Musical Monday

I’ve gone unashamedly commercial with Musical Monday this week, for three reasons…

Firstly, I think a lightening of the mood is in order, after all this talk of the objectification of women and men’s social inadequacies!

Secondly, I LOVE this song (it’s one of a very few that I’ve actually bought as a CD single).

And finally, these women are DAMN SEXY (shame the guys had to be in it, though!). So damn sexy, in fact, that I’ve posted the video as well as the music player so that you can all drool along with me. And I have only one more thing to say…

Yum!

(And no, the irony wasn't/isn't lost on me, in case you were wondering.)

Liberty X - Just a Little Bit

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post, but change ALL the brackets to the pointy ones first (by the way, this is the code if you want the new image link, i.e. the colour version. Go on, you know you want to change it…):

(a href="http://wdkylondon.blogspot.com/2006/03/musical-monday.html" target="_blank")(img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y123/LightestTouch/mmwithcolour.jpg" border="0" height="160" width="120" /)(/a)

Challenging convention...

2007-09-07T08:28:00.000+01:00

Or, perhaps, challenging yourself...

There are times when all of us want to push back against the rules, regulations, expectations, moral values... the conventions that are forced upon us. And at the same time, we probably all think that the framework that we build around ourselves in order to give our own lives some kind of self-imposed order is the "right" one. But if we make assumptions in this respect, aren't we also guilty of imposing our own conventions on others?

Time and again I'm reminded that it's a strange, and often perturbing, world out there, and some questions don't have an easy answer. This video from a BBC documentary runs to about 46 minutes (yes, it's a long time, but its compulsive viewing so you may want to kick off your shoes...), and if it doesn't leave you with a slight feeling of unease I'll be more than a little surprised. And you tell me... where do you draw the line with regard to your own comfort zone, and does this fall outside of it? Are you disgusted, or did it give you cause to question yourself as to what's... "acceptable"?

As I said, you tell me...

"Guys And Dolls"

Life balance

2007-09-04T17:29:00.000+01:00

A while ago, I was talking to someone about the joys of running a business, and in discussing why I was actually happy to walk away from a relatively high – and secure – income I used the phrase “work/life balance”.

“I hate it when people say that” she responded, “It’s about life balance, not work/life balance. Work is just one part of the whole, and shouldn’t be any more important than the others.” Now, it doesn’t matter whether you think she was right or not, but it is an interesting subject to mull over. I was thinking about it yesterday evening, in fact, because I was preparing some papers for a hastily-arranged meeting with a client today and had been rather put out at having to don a suit (although no tie, you can be sure) and get myself on a train a touch too close to sparrow fart for comfort.

In a (vaguely) similar vein, Bea’s struggling with one or two issues at the moment, having had to work until 1.30am for three days running; we’re also getting slightly pissed off about the fact that it’s impossible to plan ahead due to the uncertainty surrounding her days off and shift rotas. The job itself is great, but there’s a downside; it’s just affecting her life balance a bit (see what I’m saying?).

Anyway, more on this subject another time. The client I met today was actually my first for the business, and we’ve been working together for about a year and a half now. It’s something of a consultant’s dream because I’m regarded as an integral part of the internal management team these days, and that can be a hard thing to achieve. In fact, it can be an impossible thing to achieve. The offices are on the river, situated between London Bridge and Tower Bridge, and as it was a nice day when I left after lunch I decided to go for a walk.

Now, I didn’t have my camera with me, but even so decided to take a few shots on my mobile (that’s cell-phone to most of you lot!); the results weren’t so bad (they can’t have been, considering that I was pleased enough with them to give them names). Just cut me some slack, because I’ll be going back some time soon to give my Canon an airing.

And don’t take that the wrong way.

Please.

(Oh, and the mobile's a Nokia N95, for those that asked!)

Musical Monday

2007-09-03T10:26:00.000+01:00

Well, here we are again. In reality its not quite Monday, but even so I find my thoughts turning to music; however, not before a bit of a ramble, as is my wont. Old habits die hard and, anyway, this is a habit I enjoy…

I seem to have managed to persuade one or two new readers to stick around lately; that being the case (and having had some messages expressing a degree of surprise on the matter) I should probably clarify that from mid-February '06 and earlier the original comments that were left on here have all disappeared. That’s because I switched to Haloscan at that time, and had to archive the Blogger comments to avoid having two platforms running simultaneously. It’s therefore always nice when people delve into the archives and leave a thought or two – thank you for those who have. Okay...

On Saturday night, we went over to Zooz for dinner (remember Zooz?), in celebration of one of her daughter’s recent graduation – with a First, I might add. And what a superb dinner it was, cooked and presented to perfection. As always, there were a liberal number of spliffs working their way around the table, and I must admit to being rather stoned by the time we left. Bea was more drunk than stoned, and had one of those “moments” on the way home, caused in the main by frustration at not being able to articulate herself in the way that she wants to and culminating in a few tears. And I’m sure that it is frustrating, but there’s no point in worrying about it. It just needs a little time, and a little patience… (Bea, everyone loves you, darling. Don't worry about it.)

Musical Monday (and my leg) now comes to you in glorious Technicolor. A while ago, we were in Brighton for the weekend. On the Sunday I was wondering around one of the little art & craft shops when this track came on the stereo and, not really concentrating, at first I thought it was Portishead (listen for the similarity). But it wasn't, as you'll have gathered by now.

If you can be bothered to follow a link, there’s some information about Björk Guðmundsdóttir (that’s Bjork to you) here but suffice it to say that she’s one of the most original, interesting, quirky and innovative artists around. And – let’s face it – Iceland isn’t exactly known for having a production line of original, interesting, quirky and innovative artists, is it? Anyway, this is from her album Homogenic, although it has to be said that she looks a whole lot cuter on the cover of Debut! It really is a near-perfect track...

Hunter. And, thinking about it, it's a perfect track.

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post, but change ALL the brackets to the pointy ones first (by the way, this is the code if you want the new image link, i.e. the colour version. Go on, you know you want to change it…):

(a href="http://wdkylondon.blogspot.com/2006/03/musical-monday.html" target="_blank")(img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y123/LightestTouch/mmwithcolour.jpg" border="0" height="160" width="120" /)(/a)

Interviewed by...

2007-08-29T20:10:00.000+01:00

I volunteered to be interviewed the other day. It’s not something that I’d normally do, but I made an exception because of the esteem in which I hold the interviewer… none other than the lovely Finn.

I expected some thought-provoking questions and I wasn’t disappointed…

If earning a living were not an issue, what would you do with your time?

Hmmmm. Ironically, what I love the most – photography – proved to be rather more fulfilling as a hobby than as a career. Wandering around with a camera in some of the places I (one day) want to visit would be a lovely way to spend my time, though, and I’d have no problem filling my itinerary as there are so many destinations to choose from. India, Mexico, Peru, Madagascar, Haiti, China, most of the Far East, etc etc etc…

The reality, of course, is somewhat different and having failed to earn more than a meagre living as a photographer I was reduced to baring my all in the seedy world of male modelling.

(Joke.)

What's the most important thing you've learned in your life?

I’ve spent much of my life paying emotional penance for things done that, given the time again, I’d know better than to do. It took me many, many years to realise that making mistakes is part of being human. In learning that, I managed to come to terms with myself, and eventually to like the person that I had become. It was a valuable lesson.

There are still things that haunt me from my past, but I’ve managed to find a kind of peace with them, at least most of the time. And I might still make mistakes, but at least they’re different mistakes.

What thing do you find sexiest in a woman?

Well, I’m assuming that you don’t mean physical characteristics (although if you did – bottom, lips, eyes, hair). Being serious, though, the things that attract me the most have nothing to do with looks; they'd include intelligence, confidence, sexuality, spirituality, and self-awareness.

Nothing unique there, I know, but a beautiful concoction (wouldn’t you say?). Now, spice that up a little with the physical, and… mmmmmmm.

What is your worst character flaw?

That’s a difficult one, because I have a few too many for comfort (and I’m also unsure that I want to expose them in such a public forum!). But as my arm’s being twisted I’d have to say that I’d like to be less stubborn than I am – a lot less stubborn, actually. I tend to be pretty sure that I’m right, and pretty much all of the time… the truth is that every now and again I’m not, and it always comes as something of a shock.

If I was permitted to add a second, I’d probably mention something about crying uncontrollably when I watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.

Is that a character flaw?

You have one entire day to yourself -- what are you going to do?

Now that’s not an easy one, because frankly I’ve never thought about it. And if I did (for too long, anyway) I’d probably come up with something that’s more a figment of my imagination than anything I’d really desire.

That said, I’m a thinker, and I find that time on my own gives me the opportunity to make some sense of all the crazy stuff that we’re immersed in every day. I guess the question, then, is where – and the perfect place would definitely be characterised by blue water, hot sun and a cool breeze. No sounds other than the sounds of nature, and nothing to interrupt me in my quiet contemplation of life.

Can I do that for an entire day?

Interview directions:

1 Leave me a comment saying “Interview me.”
2 I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3 You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.
4 You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5 When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Musical Sunday Monday

2007-08-27T22:02:00.000+01:00

Well, first of all I should say thank you for all the kind comments regarding Mum’s operation. She’s absolutely fine, and looking & sounding better than she has for months – already. Hopefully, all will go according to plan so far as her recovery from the surgery is concerned.

I’m posting for Musical Monday a little early this week, as it’s actually Sunday night as I’m writing this post. Bea was working until about 8.30 this evening, but texted me to say that she was going to go for a drink with one of the girls from work. That's fine, of course, but it got me thinking about trust for some reason. Because without trust a relationship is doomed, and that trust was so abused during the course of my marriage that I wonder sometimes why it isn’t still an issue. Not just with Bea, but in a general sense.

I guess the answer is that you’ve got to just leave the past in the past. Other than with regard to music, because this week I’m still stuck in a time warp. I was determined to post some Supertramp this week, but Hipcast wasn’t playing ball. In the end, I had to resort to some video clips but at least it’s a chance to remind everyone of a certain age what we must have looked like back then. Terrifying, isn’t it?

Anyway, I've always been something of a... well, a Dreamer, actually (in fact, I wanted to play Crime of The Century, but I didn't like the live version I found on YouTube and didn't have the time to keep looking). In any event, when was the last time you saw someone playing the wine glasses?

Okay, I've relented... because i just love this track! Crime of The Century... and I want that to be ME with my beautiful red and gold sax! At least i'd be a bit more flexible!

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post, but change ALL the brackets to the pointy ones first:

(a href="http://wdkylondon.blogspot.com/2006/03/musical-monday.html" target="_blank")(img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y123/LightestTouch/musicalmonday.jpg" alt="Image hosting by Photobucket" border="0" /)(/a)

Family

2007-08-24T08:34:00.000+01:00

Anyone who knows me well, or has known me for some time, will also know that my relationship with the rest of my family has been a particularly difficult one. For six years or thereabouts – and until about 4 years ago – I was completely ostracised for reasons that even now are effectively unbeknown to me, and during that period I not only lost my Dad (and missed his funeral, as no-one deigned to tell me of his death until such time as it was too late for me to attend) but also went through some personal traumas that I never want to go through again. My life at that time was hard indeed and I had to contend with everything that was happening in the knowledge that my only support would be the strength that I found within myself. I still have issues with regard to Dad, and my relationship with him, but fortunately I no longer take responsibility for his bitterness towards me and the jealousy he felt.

The first time that I spoke to Mum again was when my ex-wife was in the final stages of destroying our marriage. I was at a conference in Cambridge, and she had been particularly horrible to me on the telephone that morning; I recall that I had a seminar to attend, but in my angst I just wanted to be alone and so went back to my hotel room to sit and… well, think. At some point, I realised that tears were rolling down my face and I had the phone in my hand.

It took three or four attempts before I got Mum's number right, and at first she thought that it was my brother on the phone. But as soon as she said my name I started to cry again, and continued – unable to speak – for about half an hour. Then I managed to describe for her the mess that my life had become; she just told me to get round there the moment I arrived back in London, and since that time we’ve been as close as we could possibly hope to be under the circumstances. But it can be hard at times to separate present from past, and consequently we don’t really talk about what happened between us. Some things simply can’t be resolved, and I guess that’s one of them.

Mum turned seventy-five last January, and as I write this post she’ll be succumbing to a general anaesthetic whilst her surgeon prepares to operate on one of her ankles, fusing the bones together and (hopefully) giving her the ability to walk without pain again. I found myself in a panic last night when I thought about her age and her vulnerability, and now – this morning – I’m keeping myself busy before going to spend some time at the hospital with her. I’m not allowing myself to think anything other than “Everything is going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay.”

I could go on, and on, and on with this post. But actually, all I really want to say is this…

I love you, Mum, and I’ll see you later.

Well I never...

2007-08-21T08:14:00.001+01:00

I was stopping over at Trouble’s for a coffee the other day, and followed a link she’d provided to this rather funny site. Now, as a cat lover of unrivalled magnitude I felt it necessary to bookmark it, send the link on to all and sundry, and re-visit it periodically to see if there were any new little gems worth forcing on my friends.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered this is not just a matter of cute pictures with clever captions. Oh no… have a look at Wiki if you want to know about the Lolcat phenomenon, and follow the links there because it gets… well, worse. All of which goes to prove that there's a lot of strange, strange stuff going on out there that we know fuck all about. Well, that I know fuck all about.

Whilst I'm a bit discombobulated by it all, my salvation (in the shape of my 40" Samsung) should be arriving any time now. Whether I can enjoy it's 1080p splendour without being distracted by thoughts of Lolcats remains to be seen, but I'd say the chances are pretty good. And there's always Lola, who does tends to loll (I admit) but in a slightly more conventional sense.

Speaking of Lola, she's now forgiven me for going on holiday and is more or less back to normal. Every year I go away, I come home to find her rotund and happy having spent two weeks on a local kitchen crawl to ensure that she has multiple meals in addition to those my neighbour leaves for her in her bowl twice each day. Then she makes a point of ignoring me and staying out all night, just to make sure that I know that I'm dispensable. Luckily, I'm a parent so I've seen it all before.

Right, I'm rambling a bit, and I have work to do...

Musical Monday

2007-08-20T18:24:00.000+01:00

I’ve been a very, very bad boy. Finally – after weeks of agonising over what can only be termed as my intended overt consumerism – I’ve allowed myself to accidentally hit the purchase button on an audio and TV website; consequently, the delicious beast you can see below will be arriving on Tuesday. Forty widescreen inches of 1080p high-definition Samsung gorgeousness… yummy!

Notwithstanding the mounting excitement in respect of the above, Musical Monday is about... well, music. And in terms of real stars over the last decade or three there's no doubt that one man from these shores has stood the test of time. Not only has his music continuously evolved, but he's also been a pioneer in utilising the new media to make his art more accessible, to more people, than ever before.

When I was in my early teens, my sister had every one of his albums and whenever she went out I'd be rooting around in her bedroom in order to borrow my favourite, which I'd then play on Mum and Dad's stereo downstairs (they had one of those "Radiograms" - wooden cabinets with the speakers on either end; you had to lift the centre section at the top to get to the turntable... remember them?). I'd usually find one or two other items of interest in there too, most notably the magnificent hardcore porn collection she thought she'd hidden under the bed, but I tended to hang around in her room with that... well, I was adolescent and overflowing - almost literally - with testosterone. What else was I to do?

For those of you who are now overcome with the tension and suspense that I very carefully created above, I should probably tell you that the man in question was David Bowie, and my favourite album was The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders From Mars. The track I've chosen is the very last on the album, Rock 'n Roll Suicide. And I love it just as much now as I did then.

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post, but change ALL the brackets to the pointy ones first:

The funniest thing...

2007-08-14T09:20:00.000+01:00

Happened to me last night...

I was at the local supermarket, getting the usual kind of stuff (you know... panty pads, make-up wipes, leg wax, etc) and must admit that I extended what was supposed to have been a five-minute job to something a lot longer - even though I forgot half of what I went there for in the first place. (I love supermarkets - so shoot me.) I probably got back home about an hour later, and as I walked through the back door Bea shot over with an expression reminiscent of one of Sam's - when I catch him playing with his Nintendo (!) under the duvet. It was hysterical.

Anyway, a while later I noticed there had been a bit of a spike on my statcounter whilst I was out, and guess what? Yes, it was the consequence of a trawl through the archives from my own IP address. Anyway, I'm out at football tonight and this blog will be completely unprotected, so if you'll excuse me for a second...

Hi, beautiful. I love you xxx

Talking of which, it's Bea's birthday in October, and what could be more romantic than a few days in Paris? I've been a few times, latterly on business, although whilst I love the city I'm a little dubious about the Parisiennes themselves; but all is now booked. Feast your eyes on this... and if you want to meet us over there for some moules fritte on the Boulevard St Germain just let me know.

Musical Monday

2007-08-13T07:35:00.001+01:00

I don’t know how many of you have tried to get into Spanish TV (not many, I imagine), but trust me when I tell you that it’s not the best in the world. So much so, that Bea and her family are all fans of imported dramas and comedies, their favourite by far being CSI.

Now, CSI is a series that I never watched until I imported something for myself a few months ago (get it?). Now, I’m a big fan of both Miami and Vegas, the latter currently being trailered to the beautiful accompaniment of Nina Simone. Every night when we go to bed, Bea has a shower and whilst waiting for her I turn on the TV in the bedroom – CSI is running on satellite every night, and we generally get to see about 20 minutes of it after Bea climbs into bed with me. After that, it’s off and we’re making our own entertainment between the sheets.

So, as evidence that a TV in the bedroom doesn't have to be the beginning of the end so far as an active sex life is concerned (take note, all you guys who are into your gadgets), I give you Nina Simone and “I Put a Spell On You”. Bea claims that I put a spell on her which is why she’s still here, and more in love than ever. I think it’s got more to do with my cooking, though… and now I'm just waiting for a new series of CSI, featuring the last 40 minutes of all the previous episodes. I think I might have a long wait, but I'm sure I'll find something to do in the meantime!

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post, but change ALL the brackets to the pointy ones first:

HNT. Not.

2007-08-08T20:36:00.001+01:00

It’s a funny thing, this blogging. Not that many months ago, the thought of missing an HNT post would fill me (and, it seems, others) with dread. I was getting about 300 hits a day, and maintaining the momentum of my posts was almost a full-time job. Now, I get one-tenth of the hits and often go a week or more without posting.

Partly, it was pressure of work – I had 3 large projects on the go, and barely had time to eat, let alone do the blog rounds. But it’s also the consequence of being in a relationship again. My time at the computer needs to be regulated, and in any event I find myself wondering where the hours have gone. And the nights spent ruminating, vodka on the desk and cigarette in hand, are gone. Although not forgotten.

This week, in particular, I feel a bit discombobulated. I think it might be post-holiday blues, but I can’t seem to focus on much, and what I do focus on has little to do with work. I’ve also put on a few pounds, and consequently rejoined my local gym to help work them off. I know I’m in good shape for a guy of 47, but I can’t help comparing myself to the WDKY of 10 or 15 years ago. Unfortunately, the aging process is something that just seems to happen when you’re not paying attention, and there’s no stopping it. Such is life.

The holiday was… well, perfect. The hotel was quiet, the kids had a marvellous time, and we all did things that we don’t normally do when we’re away (the consequence of Bea being back on home ground). We did see the Scottish Sisters, but they were distant and a little… well, bitchy, actually. Bea thinks it’s because they know they’re not going to be getting inside my pants – maybe she’s right. Whatever, I guess that's one holiday friendship that isn't going to stand the test of time.

I think it’s good to be back, but the truth is I’m not really sure.

PS If you want to read some real writing, have a look at this!

Musical Monday

2007-08-06T20:31:00.001+01:00

It’s occurred to me that I might have been a little negligent in failing to mention that we were going off on holiday a couple of weeks ago. Well, we were, we did and we’re back and I have to tell you that I’m a rather lovely shade of brown. So lovely, in fact, that I’m thinking seriously about a return to the ranks of HNT this week if only to prove that not a single pair of Speedos made it to my suitcase. I have the tan lines to prove it.

That can wait, but today I want to talk and think music. I mentioned previously that the Floyd always took me back to my late teens/early twenties, and I kind of like being transported back in time like that. Tonight, though, while we were making dinner, I was playing – at a VERY high volume – another album from a band that epitomised the same period of my life. We would go to house parties most weeks, and having drunk some Southern Comfort and smoked one or two joints, we’d wait for this band to make it to the stereo. Then we’d ask the girl we wanted to dance, and we’d hope to end the night fucking in glorious youthful abandon. God, I loved those days.

So, today’s Musical Monday is from Lynyrd Skynyrd, and the album “Pronounced Leh-nerd Ski-nerd”. I resisted the temptation to choose Freebird even though it’s their signature track and opted for two others instead. Simple Man (because a simple man is what I am) and Tuesday’s Gone… I really love them both, and as always I would ask you to play them loud and right to the end. And think of me at those parties…

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post, but change ALL the brackets to the pointy ones first:

For all you...

2007-07-14T15:11:00.000+01:00

...football fans out there (that includes you, Aidan!), here's a little something that made me smile today. We're off to Brighton for a bit of sex, drugs and rock 'n roll, so have a good one (or a wet one) and don't do anything I wouldn't!

After that, I'm off to Milan on Monday & Tuesday and then Brussels again later in the week, so I'll try to stop by when I get the chance. Oh for a quiet life... that said, I've achieved the revenues that I need for my second year in business and it's only July - I'd be a bit of a prat if I complained about it. So I won't.

There's quite a lot that I could bore you with, but we're about to jump in the car... another time, then ;-)

(Oh, before I go... something here for all us bordering-on-suicidal parents!)

Musical Monday (a cross one)

2007-07-09T16:47:00.000+01:00

Do things happen to you sometimes that force you to reconsider the way in which you regard yourself? I find myself in a very strange situation these days, and try as I might I’m feeling a growing desire to react in some way. Even though I know there really isn't any point.

What am I going on about? Well, the truth is that I’m a 47-year old man, who no doubt looks his age… in fact, most of the time I feel my age too (don't let those HNT photos fool you - I'm fairly handy with a camera!). And yet, here I am in love with a woman of 29 – a woman who probably looks at least 5 years younger than she is. In my own social circles, I’m accepted - indeed, by some, even admired - for who and what I am, and yet now I find myself the recipient of quizzical looks, as if there’s no earthly reason that anyone can fathom as to why I should be so “lucky”. As if I’m some kind of freak of fucking nature.

Well, as much as I generally don’t give a toss what other people think, there’s a distinct possibility that I’m going to get very cross with somebody soon. Yes, I know I should just laugh, but even so I’m only human. Bea thinks that I’m mad even thinking about it, mind you… then again, she's not the one getting the looks. At least, not those kinds of looks.

Musical Monday

Anyway, to Musical Monday. It seems ages since I played anything from The Greatest Band Of All Time (although I must admit that I couldn’t be arsed to check… if probably wasn’t). So here for your delectation is On The Turning Away, from the album A Momentary Lapse of Reason (god-al-bloody-mighty... was it really as long ago as 1987???). And yes – it’s the Floyd, of course.

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post, but change ALL the brackets to the pointy ones first:

Just goes to show...

2007-07-05T22:26:00.000+01:00

In not a great deal of time, we're all off on holiday - to Tenerife again, naturally, but this time there'll be four of us. And it got me thinking about last year to the point where I decided to have a quick recap of my returning from holiday post. And if I may, I'll quote...

And I was quite good in a relative sense, barely getting up to any mischief whatsoever. I did get a little bit tempted by one of the girls that worked in the bars at the hotel, mind you; her name is Beatriz, she’d been there last year (when we’d got on really well) and it was great to see her again. This time, she was even more tactile than I remembered, touching my hands, my arms, and my chest as we were talking (no lower, unfortunately). Then, one evening, she said something to me and stroked my face, and that point my resolve broke completely and I must admit I asked her out for dinner. Much to everyone’s surprise (including my own) she said yes, and we ended up having a fantastic meal in a seafood restaurant tucked away in a little fishing village overlooking the sea. Afterwards, she took me to a salsa bar to meet her sister, and then we drank, clubbed and chatted until about four in the morning. She's beautiful, intelligent, and funny, and has decided that she wants to pop over to London for a visit.

Oh, and she's 28. And Cuban. And the most fucking amazing dancer I’ve ever seen.

You have to laugh! To be honest, I'm not sure what it proves (if anything), other than the fact that you can't predict the future. Or, perhaps, a 47 year old Londoner and a 29 year old Cuban can have more in common than you'd imagine. But what it definitely illustrates is that the strange mystery of life doesn't become any clearer however old you might be getting, or might have gotten (!). You've got to love it, haven't you?

Care in the community

2007-07-05T07:35:00.000+01:00

She's back - leaving silly comments on Haloscan and generally acting like the psycho that she is.

customer2274.pool1.Croydon-GLN2000-BAS0001.orangehomedsl.co.uk

IP Address 91.104.72.233

Country United Kingdom

Jackie, if you want to be properly named and shamed then carry on doing what you're doing - I really don't care.

I actually feel like a bit of a ramble, but I'm in a meeting all day today... maybe this evening. But it was nice to see a few old faces visiting, and it gave me a slightly warm feeling in my tummy :-)

Later, gator...

Lazy & Useless MM

2007-06-18T09:46:00.000+01:00

Actually, I have to say that – whilst I might be useless – I’m definitely not lazy! Last week I was in Brussels for a series of meetings and presentations; this afternoon I fly to Milan for a few days (and with a bit of luck I should get to see something of the city as a couple of my meetings might have to be canceled!); and next week I’m off to Zurich for a three-day conference. In fact, I’ve not paid the exorbitant charge for the conference sessions themselves so I’ll be spending my time talking (I’m good at that), eating (I’m very good at that) and drinking (need I comment?).

A month ago, I’d have said that the workload that I’d given myself was impossible, but having worked my clean-shaven balls off (don't ask - it's Bea's decision... she likes them smooth) for the last three weekends on top of the 15 hour working weekdays of the last few weeks, all seems to be falling into place. Now, if I can get some projects booked for the end of the year and the beginning of next, I can probably say that this ridiculous idea of starting my own company has been something of a success. It just goes to show that having the courage of your convictions is no bad thing!

There’s more to life than working, though, and I have to say that – when Bea came over to live here a month and a half ago – neither of us could possibly have predicted how well things were going to go. She’s now working in one of the world’s top hotels that’s just a few miles away from the house, driving quite happily on the "wrong" side of the road, keeping my bed - and one or two other things - warm at night and looking forward to going on holiday to Tenerife for a couple of weeks soon. She’ll be able to see her family and friends again, and as she said to someone on the telephone last night, “I’m trying to think of something that isn’t perfect, but to be honest there isn’t anything”.

Musical Monday

I’m still determined to share my music with anyone who cares to listen, although I accept, of course, that the number of such people is slowly dwindling away as a consequence of my lack of time to visit, comment, and generally participate in the strange world that we call the Blogosphere.

This week, I was listening to something on the hi-fi at home as I was pottering around with the vacuum cleaner, and it happened to be Elvis Costello singing his greatest hits. And the choice of track was easy, because… well, it’s been a good year for the roses!

Happy Musical Monday!

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post, but change ALL the brackets to the pointy ones first:

I know...

2007-05-30T18:51:00.000+01:00

I'm terrible - I don't call, I don't write and I DON'T VISIT!! Everything's cool, I'm just really, really busy, so in order to post something - anything - I'm just going to give you... this!

It's very funny.

Really.

Musical Monday

2007-05-14T18:01:00.000+01:00

Well, I guess I’ve been AWOL for a couple of weeks... I hadn’t intended to disappear but there’s just been too much going on to be able to spend time posting or reading (yes, that’s yet another apology). Not just with Bea being here, but with work too as I have two big projects on the go and not enough hours in the day. But it's good to be busy, and hopefully my year will be secure by the end of July and I can relax a little bit. And maybe take us all to Tenerife for a couple of weeks!

Work, though, has been pretty secondary in the scheme of things, as my beautiful Cuban has been... well, making her presence felt. Aside from her (what can only be described as) incredible physical demands, she’s coming up with a series of culinary delights in the kitchen as well as job hunting and taking a few lessons to acclimatise to driving on the wrong (right) side of the road. This is good, as last time she was here she managed to destroy a couple of the alloys on my baby, which I was not very pleased about. Not very pleased at all!

But - being serious - we seem to be getting along perfectly, albeit that there's a certain amount of adjustment required by both of us. For some reason, though, the age gap and cultural differences just don't seem to matter... they are there, but they're irrelevant. In fact, Bea seems to revel in the fact that I'm so much older than she is, and I'm sure finds something very sexy about it. And who am I to argue? And the good news is that we’ve only just (after about three weeks) had our first sort of very small mini-row, as a result of the fact that I just can’t understand her Spanish. Anyway, it’s not proper Spanish and I’ve got a terrible cold, so it obviously isn’t my fault at all. Fortunately all seemed to be resolved shortly afterwards, in the wake of Bea's three swift, powerful orgasms and a strong cup of Spanish coffee (its good to know that everything still functions nicely, even after yet another birthday!). If only everything in life were so simple, eh?
Yes, Musical Monday, the craze that's still trying desperately to sweep the blogosphere. And this week I’m going for something from a band I first heard in the late eighties when I inadvertently stumbled across a banned video from their album “Infected”. I immediately loved every track, and whilst I don’t know anyone else at all who listens to them I always take pleasure in supporting my friends’ musical education by popping the CD on the hi-fi and daring them not to like it. In fact, I had a real problem picking the track I wanted to feature, and even as I was hitting the publish button I could have changed my mind.

So, here are The The with Sweet Bird of Truth (and, believe me, it was a close call). Its one of those tracks that needs to be played loud, and right to the end. Tell me what you think...

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post, but change ALL the brackets to the pointy ones first:

Change? What change?

2007-04-26T07:47:00.000+01:00

Well, first of all – thank you for the comments on the last post. I would have responded to all of them (I know, I’m getting lazy, aren’t I?) but I’ve been a little preoccupied. I was pleased with the letter too, and no, I haven’t had a reply as yet. Mind you, the postal service to and from Mumbai is notoriously bad, and I had to send the letter c/o Anu’s address in any event. So we’ll see, and if I do get a response I’ll let you know.

Now, I suppose I should tell you what happened when I went to Tenerife to collect my, errrmm… package. There were some tears, but they were Mami’s and weren’t entirely unexpected, and we duly arrived back here on Tuesday evening. Poor Bea looked a bit like a rabbit caught in the headlights at first, but after some food and other physical requirements were addressed (!) she was fine. As I’m typing this – it’s about 7.30 in the morning – she’s keeping the bed warm, but I need to get the kids some breakfast and take them off to school. After that, it’s a visit to my solicitor to sort out some details relating to my divorce and by then it’ll be a little late to go back to bed, I imagine! Seems like a waste, doesn’t it?

I won’t pretend that we both feel like things are completely normal, because they actually feel slightly… well, different. But I guess that’s to be expected, and the hardest thing is going to be to just take a little time in sorting out all the things that need to be done (finding work, registering with a doctor and dentist, getting a National Insurance number, etc etc etc). I feel a huge sense of responsibility to get everything organised as quickly as possible, but at the same time I’m incredibly busy and have the children to take care of. And I want things to be seamless for them so that they don’t feel as if there’s been a huge change over here. I think that’s important.

So the adventure has started. Are we completely mad? Probably. Do we care? Not at all. Personally I think you have to take some chances in life, because anything worth having carries some degree of risk. And the main thing, above all else, is that my Spanish will come on a little quicker now!!! Hasta la vista, baby.

Remembering Anu

2007-04-21T08:30:00.000+01:00

I hadn't intended to post today, but last night one or two things that occurred turned my thoughts to Anu, and I found myself reading various tributes to her (including the comments on my own post of December last year). And whilst doing so it occurred to me that I hadn't let anyone know whether their comments had been passed on to Anu's parents or not, and that it might be important to you... something for which I apologise.

Well, I did indeed write to them although it was something that I found quite hard to do, and I also wanted to wait a respectful amount of time... but fairly recently I sent the following letter. I attached all the comments that were left on my original post - although I removed any specific blog references, because I thought Anu's own thoughts should remain something between her and whoever she had made them known to before her death - and I hope that I managed to do justice to how we felt about a truly wonderful person.

You know, the tears still come sometimes, for someone I never met in person. That say's it all, I suspect.

Dear Mr and Mrs Xxx

Even though this letter is one that I’ve delayed writing for some time, I’d like to start by saying that it’s an honour to be finally sending it. An honour because in Anita (or Anu, as I knew her) you raised the most wonderful human being who ever crossed my path; for that reason, whilst you may consider this in some ways an intrusion, I felt that I had to write to you to express how I – and many others – were left touched forever by her spirit, and her beauty.

I should explain that she and I “met” through an on online community that writes and publishes journals or “Blogs” on the Internet (often, but not always, for others to read and comment on). To be honest, I can’t recall how Anu and I stumbled upon each other, but we developed a truly wonderful relationship. Not only did we communicate through the medium of blogging, but we wrote to each other often and - after a short while – spoke on the telephone; and it was such a pleasure actually hearing each other’s voices that we did so subsequently a number of times. In fact, we exchanged Birthday presents and other small gifts by post too, and I soon considered her to be a very special and close friend, and loved her very much.

I knew that I was going to write to you at some point, but really didn’t know how best to articulate what I and others felt about Anu’s sad passing. But then I realised that there was indeed a way in which I could show you the joy that she brought to so many of us… and so I posted an entry on my journal, and invited those that knew her to leave their comments in the knowledge that they would ultimately find their way to you.

And so, below, I’ve reproduced that journal entry, together with the comments left “in memorium”. Being strong regarding Anu is something that I find quite difficult at times, but the love expressed below is something that can only bring joy and wonder. I can’t imagine ever knowing anyone again who will have such a profoundly positive impact on everyone she touched. She was a brave, kind, and wonderful girl, and whilst I offer my condolences for your sad loss I must also thank you. You must both be so immensely proud of her.

Below is my journal entry (dated 19th December 2006) followed by the comments left by others. I’m sorry if they cause you any pain, but I know that they’ll also bring you much joy.

With love and best wishes,

Xxxx Xxxxx

And now I'm off to bring my Cuban home. Have a lovely weekend, all of you.

One small step for man...

2007-04-17T18:45:00.000+01:00

What do you do with a blog when you’ve got time to post occasionally but your life’s so mental that despite the best of intentions getting around to leave comments is nigh-on impossible? Do you stay or do you go? (Okay, it’s a rhetorical question so no need to answer… but it really has been impossible). So, no Musical Monday this week – I was working until 1am – and just one last post before the weekend. This one.

And the truth is that this is quite an important post in the scheme of things. If you’re wondering why, I’ll tell you… it’s effectively my last as a single man. Single in the sense of living alone, because next time I do this Bea may very well be in the lounge… or making one of those gorgeous Spanish meals that she knows I love. I don’t think she’ll be looking over my shoulder, but you never know.

I’ve had quite some time to think about these developments in my life, most recently when I was sitting listening to some music during a work-break yesterday. And he thing is, I really Ido love my life right now; and I love living alone. It’s strange, but from the moment I split with my ex everything just seemed to fall into place. In fact, I can’t actually remember a single occasion when I’ve wished for company, or felt in any way that life was passing me by. And now – well, in a matter of days – all that is going to change.

The journey I’ve been on for the last three plus years has at times been an intense one. I’ve scrutinised and considered every element of who I am, and at times I’ve not been particularly happy with the result. But I’ve also grown as a person, and realised that I can cope with almost anything that life can throw at me. And, despite the fact that I’m comfortable with how things are right now, I know I’m ready for this next adventure. I have no idea how sustainable things will be, but I do know that Bea and I really love each other, and have an almost tangible connection that makes all the differences between us unimportant. Is this enough?

I think maybe it is.

Sorry...

2007-04-12T16:26:00.000+01:00

Oh god... what an awful day. I've had BIG computer problems, thanks to Windows (fucking) Vista. I've barely been online for two days, and have had no chance at all to visit or comment. Sorry, I know it's rude of me ;-)

I feel like I want to throw my laptop off the roof. Or pull my hair out. Or punch someone in the mouth! But there is some news that isn't bad, fortunately... firstly, I'm typing this whilst looking at a rather funky 24" widescreen monitor! Honestly, it's like being at the movies. Oh, and a client who was giving me endless grief has come back with a job, and whilst it'll be a complete nightmare it'll secure my year for me, all being well. Three months of very hard work, but with two other projects on the go I should be able to keep Bea in the manner to which she'd like to become accustomed!

Speaking of Bea, she's now sold her car (bless) and is apparently looking forward to dinner with another one of her gay male friends tomorrow night (ha ha - of course, all her male friends are gay. She must think I was born yesterday). Luckily, I'm a trusting sort of guy without an ounce of jealousy in my entire body.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Right, got to get on, and see what's wrong with this bloody computer.

(My god, it's another week closer... )

Musical Monday

2007-04-09T19:54:00.000+01:00

My ex is in Las Vegas for her 40th at the moment, which means I have the kids for a week – until Thursday morning. It’s been lovely, because they’re off school and so don’t need to stick to their usual routine. Late nights and late mornings, and as I don’t sleep more than a few hours a night anyway it’s been kind of relaxing as the mornings are nice and chilled. Today we went to the movies AND I stayed awake throughout the film. RESULT!!!

The Date is getting closer, of course, and it’s becoming slightly all-consuming. I’m trying not to get nervous, but I’m not entirely sure that it’s working… but then I guess that’s understandable. And I’m so busy at the moment that the last week and a half of my present lifestyle is going to just slip past unnoticed. Maybe that’s the best way, though… no time to worry about anything, save for clearing out some drawers and wardrobe space (and that’s no easy task).

Well, it’s another late one this week but I’ve managed to squeeze it in whilst it’s still Monday. Better than last week, then… my penultimate Musical Monday as a “single” man. And I realised today that I’ve been quite remiss in that I’ve never featured a track from The Smiths. They’re a band that people seem to either “get” or… well, not get (and if they’re new to you they’re worth a bit of perseverance.)

I’m putting matters right this week, with one of my favourite tracks – That Joke Isn’t Funny Any More. My advice? Play it loud, and listen to the end. Then play it again, and wallow in it a little. After that, go check out Amazon.

By the way, it was touch and go whether my track was going to be Bigmouth Strikes Again instead. Maybe next time…

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post, but change ALL the brackets to the pointy ones first:

What if...

2007-04-06T21:42:00.000+01:00

I went to Rochester, in Kent today. I was with my brother and the kids, and we were going to pick up a car that he’d bid for on eBay. It was a Fiat Coupé 2.0 Turbo (I’ve owned one myself, and they’re like bullets) and he’d foolishly left a £200 deposit on it and then found it wasn’t in the condition that he’d been led to assume by the listing description. Suffice it to say that there was almost a fight in the street (I even took off my sunglasses in readiness) and on the way home Dan said to me “What if…” because I’d talked him out of buying the car he originally wanted.

Anyway, I started thinking, and concluded that our lives are shaped by the choices we make, almost unthinkingly, but that have so many repercussions for us afterwards. I mean, what if…

I hadn’t checked the strange mobile I found that night in my ex-wife’s jacket pocket – just to see if there were any messages on it. And yes, there were messages – they just weren’t the kind of messages I wanted to hear…

Or I hadn’t written a silly little note to Bea when I was on holiday with the kids, because she’d stroked my face when she was talking to me at the bar one night. I thought I was acting like an idiot even as I sealed the envelope and wrote her name across the front…

Or I hadn’t been such a fool during my first marriage, because my behaviour didn’t give the relationship much chance of survival. I doubt we’d have stayed together, but what twists and turns would our lives had taken…

I could go on. So many instances where choices were made without any inkling of the consequent impact. We try to plan ahead, but the truth is that none of us can… not really. And maybe that’s what makes everything that happens to us along the way manageable, somehow… because we don’t know what’s around the corner. Good or bad, things never stay the same for long.

I sometimes think that the choices we make go some way to defining who we are. Not because of what we did at the time, but because of what we learnt by doing it. And as someone or other said once, “To err is human, to forgive Divine". Or something along those lines.

Musical Monday Tuesday

2007-04-03T16:57:00.001+01:00

Well, you may have noticed that I’ve been AWOL for a few days (then again, you may not have noticed). Actually, I’ve been continuing my whistle-stop tour of Europe, seeing but not seeing some of its finest cities. This time it was Brussels... up at 4am, home again for early evening... although I must admit that I was so knackered that I just fell asleep in front of the TV after dinner. C’est la vie, as they say (in, errrmm, France).

All this loitering at airports is beginning to get on my nerves, but it’s paying the bills. And I need all the cash I can get because if all goes according to plan I’ll have a little surprise waiting for Bea when she gets here (shhhh... don’t say anything but I’m hoping its going to have four wheels and an Alfa Romeo badge. I said SHHHHHH!)

I had a Spanish lesson this morning, and because I’m tired and have loads of things on my mind, I was complete crap. Cristina didn’t seem to mind, because she spent the lesson laughing so much that she wasn’t listening anyway. I’m not sure what set her off – it might have been when I kept saying (in Spanish) that Bea’s hair is blonde (she kept telling me I’d got it wrong) or when she asked again how old she is. All I had to say was “veintenueve” and she was almost on the floor again. I think I’m going to ask for a rebate :-)

Anyway, it was Musical Monday until not that long ago, and as its my game I’m going to cheat and post a Musical Tuesday this week. I was wondering what to offer you all, but then had a bit of an epiphany as I drove past a local underground station. So today it’s Faithless, and “Flowerstand Man”. (They're a bit like whelk stalls, but you can still see one or two if you look hard enough.) Oh, and that was a good call, J... Dido's brother Rollo is indeed one of the band, and that was her singing. She was a guest vocalist on Reverence, which was Faithless' debut album.

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post, but change ALL the brackets to the pointy ones first:

Change

2007-03-29T08:28:00.000+01:00

Last night, I was tired. I’d spent most of the afternoon struggling to come to terms with a new laptop that came with the Windows Vista OS pre-installed (don't go there - trust me), and I’d been up since 6.30am finishing off a report that had to be with a client before the end of the day. Oh, and my job in Russia was put on hold, probably indefinitely, which has cost me a small fortune. All in all then, I was fed up and had the beginnings of a thumping headache... it was one of those days.

At around 10ish in the evening, I made a coffee, logged on to MSN and there she was... within seconds I could see her beautiful smile, and within minutes the troubles of the day were a distant memory. And that’s how it’s been since the summer – when we’re not with each other, we’re in communication in some way. Life now, in my own mind, always includes Bea, whatever I’m thinking about.

And its this that I've been thinking about lately, because if one thing has surprised me above all else since I’ve been single it’s that... I LOVE my time alone. I can’t remember a single moment in the last 3 ½ years when I’ve felt lonely, or in need of company. Is that unusual? To be honest, I have no idea, but I do know that those precious moments of solitude will soon be much, much harder to find. My space, and my life, are going to be shared with someone else again.

Talking to Bea lately, she’s clearly feeling the pressure now, and who can blame her? A new country and challenges she can only imagine await her, and her parents will suddenly be a four hour plane journey away. And this guy from London – will he change when the circumstances are different? Can he sustain the kind of love and attention of the last 9 months? All these things and more will be spinning round in her mind, but I really don’t think she can begin to understand what this means for me, too. And yet, I’m not fazed by it... more just aware of the impending changes. It’s what I want, even if – to be completely honest – I can’t quite believe its happening.

Yet.

Musical Monday

2007-03-26T17:45:00.001+01:00

Unless you're the arsehole this is intended for, skip this bit and read the post below:

Okay, I've warned you to stop leaving abusive messages, so here's what I'm going to do. Each time I get another message/comment from you that I don't like, I'm going to reinstate one of the items that I'd previously removed. I won't mention what I'm doing, I'll just do it. And - if you really piss me off - I'll reinstate them all and then make the blog private so that you can't even access it again (then I'll really have some fun).

Don't say you haven't been warned.

It’s been a funny few days. My back is better, fortunately, and I’m exercising again every day (let me know if you want pictures – oh no, you’ve already seen them!) but I don’t feel as fit as I want to be. I reckon I have about 7 pounds to lose within the next month in order to get a semblance of a six-pack showing, and I’m determined. Well, I’m motivated, that’s for sure. Because the countdown has well and truly started, if you know what I mean.

Today, though, was something of a disappointment. I had a new laptop delivered to the office, and although it’s a blinding spec the bloody thing wouldn’t boot up. I was mortified, and after going through a few diagnostics whilst on the telephone it’s now going to be exchanged as it appears to have a faulty hard drive. How fucking frustrating is that?

Aside from that, and one or two work-related disappointments, it’s just been a very, very busy week or two. I feel a bit guilty for not visiting anyone much of late,. But I’ll try to get around later this evening. In the meantime, here’s a little Musical Monday treat for you. So, about Susheela Raman, in her own words...

“I was born in London in 1973 to South Indian parents. My family moved to Australia when I was very young and were eager to keep our Tamil culture alive. I grew up singing South Indian classical music and began giving recitals at an early age. As a teenager I branched out into more blues-based music, which demanded quite different voice techniques. The question then was how to bring these streams together. In 1995 I went to India to study with Shruti Sadolikar, one of the greatest living Hindustani vocalists. This was a challenging experience as I had to let go of what I thought I knew and find a new, more insightful approach to my craft...

... Salt Rain was recorded between October and December 2000. We were lucky to collaborate with some unique musicians who live mostly in London and Paris but are of diverse origins: Guinea Bissau, Cameroon, India, Romania, France, Greece, Egypt, Kenya, America, and Spain. Any record is a meeting of many minds and, now more than ever, it is networks of people, not just individuals, who spark new and exciting work. Everyone brought their own special energy to the music and I am very proud of what we all worked together to create.”

Actually, I’m not surprised that she’s proud. It’s a great piece of work, and the track I’ve chosen is called Kamakshi. Again, in her words, “Kamakshi is another song to a divine enchantress, ‘she whose eyes hold the power of attraction’. The beautiful musical scale of this song could almost be Near Eastern... Everyone present in the studio was momentarily stunned into silence by it….and then we all clapped!”

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post, but change ALL the brackets to the pointy ones first:

Hell...

2007-03-23T14:13:00.000Z

Well, I've survived yet another long commute - this time to Dublin and back in a day - and now I'm nursing a sore back and looking forward to the weekend. My laptop is such a beast that it's almost impossible to regard it as a mobile computer. After much thought, and with the pain in my lower back inching down my bum cheek and onto my leg, I've bought a rather funky little 12" alternative, and now all I have to do is fight the demon that is... Windows Vista. It never rains...

Anyway, to cheer me and everyone else up I thought I'd post something that I received by email today. I've seen it before, actually, but it always makes me smile.

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University chemistry mid-term paper. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well!

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my first year that "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

This student was the only recipient of an A-grade!

Musical Monday

2007-03-19T00:16:00.000Z

It’s not that long since I decided to reopen this blog. I’ve posted, commented when I can... generally I’ve tried to pick up where I left off when everything got a bit too much to manage comfortably.

But you know, it isn’t the same. Every day I look at my comments, and I know with a sinking heart that she isn’t going to be there. She wasn't there to tell me how beautiful that house in Italy was, or to laugh with me at the guy at the Comedy Barn. She didn't tell me how thrilled she was that Bea's actually coming here, to live with me and the children.

It hurts, and it feels like it just isn’t going to go away... and even if I try to push my feelings to one side it makes no difference. Every time I think of her I can feel tears waiting to fall down my cheeks.

So this one’s for you, Anu, because I miss you.

Leonard Cohen
Hey, That's No Way To Say Goodbye

If you want join in with Musical Monday, just stick this in your sidebar or on your post, but change ALL the brackets to the pointy ones first:

Crazy times

2007-03-17T07:09:00.000Z

They really are. The times, I mean... so much happening at once, and with everything on my mind at the moment it's not surprising that sleep is proving hard to come by.

So... we now have a date for The Arrival. Not too long to go but still a little while to get fully used to the idea and clear some wardrobe space. And - this year - I'll be celebrating my Birthday as part of a couple again. The kind that live together, and that love each other - it's been a while since that happened and it seems like it's worth looking forward to.

I'm trying to get my head around the whole thing at the moment, but with me here and Bea a four hour flight away it still lacks a certain reality. The enormity of what we're doing isn't lost on me, though, and I'm aware that this a life-changing decision. For both of us, of course.

Anyway, this week has been slightly manic, in part because I had to fly off to Italy for a couple of days on some client business. In theory at least, I was in Milan and Rome but with meetings planned throughout I ended up seeing nothing of one and very little of the other. I'll have to go back, but the highlight of the trip was undoubtedly the olive tree-filled estate just outside Rome where we spent Thursday night and part of Friday. To say that it was beautiful would fail to do it justice, as you'll see from the photos below. The Italians - at least the men - are mad though, so intent on macho posturing that reality just seems to escape them (sorry Nukie... I'm sure that you're the exception!). I think it's going to be an interesting project!

Ciao...

I want...

2007-03-14T09:34:00.000Z

To brighten your day :-)

Update: Sorry - just got back from Milan and Rome on business. I'll try to catch up, just give me time...

Musical Monday

2007-03-12T12:51:00.000Z

I must admit, I had an interesting night on Saturday, and it almost took me back to the madness of my pre-Bea life momentarily - almost, but not quite. Some time ago I posted about the mad girl from the park bench and this weekend - following a very strange set of circumstances - I ended up meeting her again for dinner (and that was meeting...). Bearing in mind that she was a bit of a nutter, this was potentially a dangerous course of action, I know. But it was really just a way of catching up and in (in any event) it was completely platonic. Well, it was completely platonic - no, really - from my point of view, even if she took a little convincing that I really meant it.

Now, some of you may recall that I’ve had something of a habit of meeting strange (and in some cases, more than a little deranged) women over the last couple of years. There was this loony, GG, CFG... it’s enough to put a sane man off women for life. But Saturday night was fun, and I’m glad that I decided to let curiosity get the better of the sense of foreboding I was feeling as I was getting showered. Anyway, to cut a long story short we talked, we ate, we drank, we talked some more, we drank some more, and I got to bed at 4am on Sunday morning. If I'm completely honest, I did spend much of the evening with a hard-on, but then it's what you do with it that counts, isn't it? As opposed to what you don't do with it...

Four hours later I was up and getting ready to watch a truly great FA Cup tie in which Tottenham were desperately unlucky not to go through to the semi-final. In a week’s time Chelsea have to come back to The Lane, though, where they’ll be very lucky indeed to escape a good hiding. Perhaps.

Well, I wasn’t sure what to play for Musical Monday this week, but it just so happens that I was surfing the net to read about the latest album from Air. And then I remembered that I really enjoyed the soundtrack from The Virgin Suicides (a great movie) and decided to play one of their tracks from that today. In fact, the title track. So pour a coffee, put your feet up, and close your eyes for a minute. Yes, yes, yes - I know it’s Monday. But let them wait!

Click here to listen

Want to play? Just stick this in your sidebar or on your post, but change ALL the brackets to the pointy ones first:

Thank god for small arses

2007-03-09T11:47:00.000Z

You know, I’d never have believed that learning a language was so difficult. I was so naive... I genuinely thought that I’d pop along to my lesson for an hour each week and – like magic – I’d be speaking fluently after two or three months. Reality appears to be a little different, unfortunately.

I was talking to Cristina this morning about it, and she just threw back her mane of long black hair and laughed. “Is that it, then?” she asked, as if she’d been anticipating a real problem... “Well, forget about it and open your book.”

You’ve got to love the Latino temperament. And speaking of which, Bea’s now handed in her notice at the hotel in Tenerife. ETA is mid-April and I’m seriously starting to worry. Not about Bea, but about her shoes and boots. Where the fuck I’m going to put them is anyone’s guess, because she has A LOT. Then again, her thongs are rather small, so that may make up for it.

I have an interesting weekend planned, but I think I’ll save that for next time. This evening I’ll be doing the rounds, but in the meantime I’ll just say have a great one yourselves. Over here, at least, the sun has started to shine and Spring is in the air. Last night, I even got out my garden design book in honour of the changing season.

Hasta luego.

Musical Monday

2007-03-05T00:39:00.000Z

Yesterday was one of those lovely Sundays that are always nice as a precursor to another working week. Going into this year I'd been thinking about the possibility of moving house but with a couple of large prospects now looking like they're going to come to nothing it's seeming more likely that we're going to be here for another year or so.

I'd really like to make more use of the garden (over and above sunbathing and football, that is) and a while ago I splashed out on a book on garden design which has since sat unopened on my shelves!. But I'm determined to do something funky out there - particularly with Bea coming over now - so I invited a friend who's into garden design over for lunch along with Zooz (remember her?) and rustled up a rather nice tofu and king prawn stir-fry. With chinese noodles and a fresh green salad, I might add. It all went down rather well, and even now plans are being hatched that involve a lot of digging and a rather hefty expenditure at the local plant centre. Wish me luck!

Well, for Musical Monday this week I thought it might be a nice idea to go upmarket. I don't often listen to classical music but when I do I always enjoy it. On Saturday, in preparation for the lunch I referred to on Sunday, I was cleaning the house and I couldn't make up my mind what I wanted to listen to as I was wandering around with the polish and vaccuum cleaner. But fortunately I had something of a brainwave, so here's a couple of tracks from a very chilled out hour or two. I hope you enjoy them.

Barber - Adagio For Strings

Albinoni - Adagio In G Minor

Want to play? Just stick this in your sidebar or on your post, but change ALL the brackets to the pointy ones first:

Don't you just wish...

2007-03-03T19:33:00.000Z

You know, every time I get a call at home and the caller ID display says "Out of area" I just know it's going to be someone wasting my time. Spam calls are even more annoying then spam mail, because of the time and effort they demand in getting to the phone, listening to the crap on the other end, trying to persuade the caller that you really, really don't want to be on their database, and then finally getting rid of them.

So, when you come across somebody that adopts a slightly more... direct approach it's hard not to feel just a little bit of admiration. And maybe think about adopting a similar strategy yourself in the future.

Well, here's an example that I thought worthy of publicising a little. Now - what can i call it? I know... how about this?

JUST F*CK OFF!!!

Oh, and kudos to the guy at BT, because he managed to keep to his script... well, almost!

But hey, listen... if that's not enough for you, take my advice. Have a listen to this! Yes, British radio at it's very, very best!

Spring cleaning

2007-03-02T09:58:00.000Z

I’m having something of a crazy week at the moment. I’ve been working some long days, and too many of them have become long nights... but I think I see some light at the end of the tunnel. Yesterday was another day presenting a training seminar, and when I got home I sat down on the couch after I’d made some dinner and woke up (fully dressed) at 3am. Don’t you hate it when that happens?

Bea’s been working some ridiculous hours too, and it’s made it slightly difficult to catch up with each other on MSN/webcam. I think she’s handing her notice in at the hotel this week, though, so in that respect it’s an important time over there. I’m trying not to dwell on it too much, as it could be quite scary if I let it! Running from commitment had a certain feeling of familiarity that I miss sometimes ;-)

I did have a few things to post about today, but instead I’m going to devote the rest of this one to a response to a rather unpleasant character that I referred to last time out... not because I want to, but because - unfortunately - this is the only means I have of making contact. So, here's a message to "N" (with apologies to anyone else who ends up reading it too)...

You’re deluded, and you’re a liar (in fact, that applies to both of you). Neither of those things means anything to me whatsoever, but you should know that every “message” and every “comment” you’ve ever sent has been copied and saved, along with details of all the IP’s you’ve used. Don’t make threats, because I really couldn’t give a shit, and I'm also quite capable of looking after myself.

The only thing I regret is that you’ve forced me to implement comment moderation, which is mildly inconvenient. However, in order to divert your attention to some other area of cyberspace, I’ve removed any reference to that person who I mistakenly thought of as a friend, along with any comments left by her (nearly a year ago now - my my... you've been searching hard, haven't you?) that I managed to find. I guess you live and learn, eh? In any event I consider the whole episode to be something of a pitiful joke, and I can only wish you both the very best of luck. Because you’re going to need it in that fantasy world of yours.

Whilst I'm aware of every occasion that you choose to immerse yourself in the contents of this blog, this is the only ackowledgement of your existence you're going to get, so I really wouldn't bother wasting your time again. Now - in the words of the famous Chinese philosopher - go fuck yourself.

Okay... normal service will be resumed as soon as possible, and apologies for the interruption! You've gotta love cyberspace though, haven't you?

Musical Monday

2007-02-26T08:11:00.000Z

Amazing. I woke up, realised that it was Monday, and here I am... posting for Musical Monday as if I hadn't been away. Just goes to show that you should never say never, eh?

I'm actually off to a meeting in a minute, so I won't ramble on about Cubans, sex (or the temporary lack of it), deluded cyber-twats or anything else right now. And believe me when I say that there's plenty to write about on each of these subjects... even if I am a little out of practice. Still, it'll save for another occasion, I'm sure! Instead I'll just mention "Leaders of The Pack - The Very Best of The 60's Girls" and one of my favourite albums at the moment. And ask if you remember... walking in the sand?

Have a lovely Monday, everyone, and I'll try to pop over when I can... but bear with me. I need to get back into the swing of this blogging business. No, really I do...

Hi honey... I'm home!

2007-02-22T19:07:00.000Z

Well, I must admit that this is something of a surprise. The truth is, though, that I’ve had some really nice mails from one or two people recently, coupled with an update request with regard to Bea. Not being one who’s particularly dogmatic about such things, I decided it would be fun to post again... maybe with more to follow, maybe not. Time – as always – will tell.

Anyway, life here in Olde London Towne has been good... the kids are fantastic, work is interesting (and there is work) and generally speaking the time has flown by. Much of this has had to do with Bea, and I guess that’s what this post is about. So for anyone who’s interested...

She came over here for the first time in January, unfortunately just for five days. I was cleaning the house for her impending arrival like a complete lunatic, and after much expectation I duly drove myself off to Luton Airport to meet her and bring her home. We had a blissful time, savouring every second (many of which were spent buried within those famous red sheets). But the few days we had together went far too quickly, and she was soon packing her thongs and other assorted accessories into her case with the promise that she’d be back for a longer stay in a couple of weeks.

Well, that couple of weeks ended a week or so ago, during which time we found ourselves having the talk. And the thing is, we had to admit that every second we’d spent together since the summer had been absolutely perfect. The kids adore her (and she them), sex – don’t ask, but the words “four”, “times”, “a” and “day” spring to mind – is amazing, and she even thinks the stories about our weather are wildly exaggerated. She even came to watch a Tottenham game with me, for god sake!

So, to cut a long story short... in not much more than a month from now I’ll be off to Luton Airport yet again, this time making sure that there’s room in the car for one or two extra cases. Because (wait for it...)

Drumroll...

Bea’s moving over. Permanently. (And yes, Kimmy, "moving over" = moving in)

Yes, this beautiful and slightly mad Latina from Cuba, 17 years younger than me at the last count, is totally in love. And so am I, and all I can hear at the moment is her soft whisper in my ear... "Te amo, Papito". Who said that romance is dead?

Anu

2006-12-19T17:48:00.000Z

Thank you for these comments, which are very kind and much appreciated. As I indicated in my post I will be sending them on, with a covering letter, to Anu's parents. I know that it can sometimes be difficult to find the right words in these circumstances, but please read her own words through the links below and I'm sure they'll inspire you.

Thank you again.

It really is with the most incredible sadness that I find myself posting on this blog again.

My friend, the amazing girl that we knew in this environment as Anu, was killed in a car accident on 10th December and anyone who has been touched by her radiance and love will understand the depth of the pain I'm feeling as I write this post. She was an example to all of us through her strength, her optimism and her love of life. The irony of her death, having fought such an inspiring battle against her illness, is plain to see and – angry though I feel at this waste of life – I shall try to emulate her in some way and focus on all the positive things that knowing her brought to my life.

I know this will be a hard request to respond to, but I’d like you to post your thoughts about Anu through my comments, and at some point soon I’ll send them with an accompanying letter to her parents. I can’t help believing that if they had even an inkling of the impact she had on so many people they’d feel an immense pride, even through their sense of loss.

Thanks to those that do feel that they can respond and I’m sorry, of course, if this has come as something of a shock. I consider myself exceptionally lucky to have transcended the constraints of this medium in knowing her in a real sense, and I’ll miss her greatly.

Appreciate Yourself

Little Miss Anu

Thanks, everyone...

2006-12-07T07:52:00.000Z

I'm touched by the number of comments to my farewell post, and wanted to say thank you properly. So...

Thank you.

I've actually just returned from Tenerife, where Bea is now the proud owner of a new Spanish passport. I'm pretty busy having been away, but by the weekend I'll be in a position to start visiting you guys again. And - if you were wondering what it's like to suddenly stop blogging after a year or more, I can sum it up for you in one word. Painful.

Take care of yourselves, and for now at least, adios. Don't forget all my music's here, though x

It's been a blast...

2006-11-22T07:52:00.000Z

At least, for a while...

Well, I started this journey over a year ago. At the time, of course, I didn't really think anyone would ever read the nonsense I wrote, and had a notion in my mind that "What doesn't kill you..." would be some kind of family journal, plotting the day to day trials of a single father and his children as they came to terms with their newly-defined lives. And - in a sense - I suppose that's what it's been. But along the way it's become more personal than I envisaged and at some point, almost unintentionally, I decided to focus on relationships, on sex, and on love... in other words, on some of the other things that have shaped my life in the recent past.

For a while, I also played with the notion that revealing myself in a physical sense would be possible, but the content of some of the posts on this blog made that almost impossible. Instead I discovered HNT, and if I may I'll quote from an email I sent to someone who questioned it's validity and it's worth: "What Osbasso has achieved is quite miraculous really... an amazing way in which people – if they choose to – can say "This is me, and, for better or worse, I think I can love myself". And the response to that is a quite incredible network of support. Because we all know we're not perfect physical specimens, but those who comment have only one message to relay... that perfection is irrelevant. That beauty comes from within, and every photo is beautiful in its own way. I admire him for having started it, and applaud every single person who participates."

Well done Os - you should be proud. And in a sense, I'm proud too, because Musical Monday has been a revelation at times, and I hope it continues, and grows, because I genuinely believe music to be a very special gift and one that can bring joy at the darkest of times, as well as just getting those hips moving now and again.

Now though, it's time for me to take a break - for a couple of weeks, or a couple of months, or for longer - I really don't know. And I'd like to thank everyone who's read, and particularly everyone who's commented along the way (and yes, NYM - although my earlier comments are no longer visible, I won't forget you were the first; I'll buy you a drink when you finally make it to London!). Life right now is too full for me to devote enough time to this site, and to my friends out there in the blogging world... and after a year of change, there may just be some special things about to happen. Time will tell, but I have to give it/them my full attention as some opportunities are only fleeting. Blink, and they're gone.

I think I've managed to remain authentic, and consistent, and I'm grateful that most of the people with whom I've formed bonds along the way have proven themselves similarly. Some of those bonds will, I'm sure, have a resilience to them that will enable us to remain in touch, as friends; others have proved to be more fleeting, but that's fine too and I'm happy that all of them have "happened" in their own way. And now I'm going to stop rambling, make my breakfast, and see what this particular day has in store for me. I'm still here, still contactable on email, and I may well pop up in your comment boxes. As for when I'll re-open this blog - well, I have no idea. Until I do, keep well, stay positive, and try to LIVE every day. There's no rewind button, remember...

Musical Monday

2006-11-20T00:50:00.000Z

So... it looks like I’m upping sticks again. As Bea’s Spanish passport will take a couple of weeks to come through and she’s already booked her holiday from work, I’m going out to Tenerife again a week on Monday. Now don’t get me wrong – it’s great to have the opportunity, and it’s relatively inexpensive; and of course I'm going to see my beautiful Cuban again. But the cost mounts up month after month, and I can’t work whilst I’m out there.

Luckily – this time – the week I’m away is going to be a quiet one, before all of the European stuff kicks off in early December, but somewhere long the line it’s going to become difficult. Anyway, London’s next - at the beginning of January - and after that I guess we’ll see what happens. (I don’t mean to sound negative, but trust me... it’s getting kind of difficult to jet off every month!)

I was just sitting here typing, and thinking it’s got cold in the house. It is a cold evening for sure, but what I've just realised is that I’ve lost the power to the boiler (that's "furnace" for you lot across the pond) for some reason, and for the life of me I can’t work out why. So, after having to spend about £300 last week sorting out some electrical problems (and the guy stood on my loo seat and broke it, so add another £50 to the equation!), I could be looking at twice that amount this week if my boiler's shot, and it's been playing up a lot lately. This is not good. In fact, it’s fucking bad. (Look, I know that was a lot for a loo seat, but I don't park my cheeks just anywhere you know! Ed.)

In view of the fact that I’m clearly not having the best of days today, I need something to chill me out nicely. With that in mind, this weeks selection will do just that.

It’s Peace Orchestra, and the album of the same name. And this rather gorgeous, soothing track is called The Man Pt 1... as always, enjoy. Actually, put your feet up and enjoy.

Want to play? Just stick this in your sidebar or on your post, but change ALL the brackets to the pointy ones first:

Just what I needed!

2006-11-16T21:41:00.000Z

Sorry I haven't been around much - I'm very, very busy work-wise, and also spending most of what spare time I have trying to help Bea sort out her visa application so she can go ahead with her visit to Chez WDKY. But - just when things were looking kind of bleak, she got an unexpected letter in the post today. And guess what?

She's been granted Spanish nationality.

How fucking cool is that?

Good news & bad news

2006-11-15T17:08:00.000Z

Well... I'll start with the good news. Having had a couple of client meetings since my last post, it would seem that I have a bit of a window before having to dash off to foreign parts. It looks like Moscow will be first in early December, followed by Milan during the middle of the month. The project in the UAE is subject to a bit of a rethink with regard to strategy, and we don't reckon we'll be going out there now until early January. All of this means, of course, that I won't have to leave my Cuban beauty to fend for herself. Or organise raves in my house while I'm gone!

Want some more good news? Okay... she's applied for Spanish citizenship (as opposed to the residency that she already has) and she's due to get an answer in January. All being well, the application will be pretty straightforward after 7 years in Tenerife - fingers crossed, though, because it'll make life a LOT easier.

So, what's the bad news. I hear you ask? Well, the fucking visa didn't come through yesterday, and so far as I can tell, it didn't come today either (or I'd have received a text by now - and it's nearly 5.30pm!). And that means that all the plans I'd made for the next few days are probably screwed, including our weekend with the Scottish Sister by the sea.

Update: The bastards at the British Embassy in Madrid have said that Bea has to attend in person, so that they can take fingerprints. Yes, they've just changed the process!!! But to get an appointment, you have to use their online calendar, which isn't working... how fucking ironic is that? I guess the phone lines are going to be hot tomorrow, but a Plan B is being hatched, just in case. Whatever happens, my carefully thought out itinerary can go in the bin, though. AGGGGGHHHHH!!!

Now, even though I'm kind of pissed off about it, I'm going to be pragmatic. And so I'll leave you with a touch of humour... or, perhaps, evidence that this particular hospital in Northampton could do with checking it's quality control procedures. What do you reckon - deliberate or not?

An early Musical Monday

2006-11-12T09:11:00.000Z

Well, it’s been a very strange week, and one that hasn’t seen much posting or commenting from this neck of the woods. Sometimes life takes priority, and whilst I won’t apologise I’m always conscious of those times when I don’t get to sit in front of the computer and play. Mind you, it’s probably a good sign, when you think about it...

Anyway, “The Trip” is fast approaching. And whilst Bea is meant to be flying over on Thursday, her Visa isn’t scheduled to arrive until Tuesday! Which means she can’t book her flight yet, and there’s a small chance that things won’t go according to plan, and that the timing of her trip will have to be changed by a day or two. I’m going to call the British Embassy in Madrid tomorrow, but you know what they say about the best laid plans...

Aside from this slight uncertainty (and the fact that we’re meant to be staying with one of the Scottish Sisters next weekend!) work is throwing up a few problems of its own. I have a meeting on Wednesday to confirm the programme for the work out in Russia, Italy and Belgium; this is great, but it seems likely that I’m going to have to fly out to Milan and Moscow over the course of the next two weeks. Not so great with regard to timing, is it? And to add to that little conundrum, something rather weird is happening that’s also throwing a little confusion into the pot.

About a month ago, a friend and I decided to bid jointly on a very, very, very large project out in the UAE. Now, his company is about the size of mine (i.e. tiny!) and the competition comprised the large multi-nationals who practice in our field, all of whom are already based out there in the Middle East anyway. We didn’t think we had a snowball’s chance in hell of getting past the first stage, but the scale of the opportunity was such that we were just excited to be participating; now, and after a meeting with the potential client in the UK last week, we find that we’ve got to the last three! And more than that – because our solution is a bit novel (it involves setting up a Special Purpose Vehicle and doing all sorts of smart things with it) we appear to be the favoured option at the moment.

So the next stage is that we have to fly out to the UAE to deliver a presentation... yes, over the course of the next couple of weeks. This is fucking incredible, of course, but what it means is that by the time Bea gets here, she’ll be spending her time babysitting Lola. To be honest, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry!

An Early Musical Monday

I’m not sure if I’ll have time to play tomorrow, so I thought I’d take the opportunity to put up my Musical Monday contribution a day early. And, of course, I did hint at what it was going to be when I posted the Boots ad last week (that’s “Boots, The Chemist”, by the way - the ad is about their range of cosmetics!) So this week, it’s a track from The Gotan Project, and their album La Revancha Del Tango.

The Gotan Project is a musical collaboration based in Paris and consisting of Philippe Solal (French), Eduardo Makaroff (Argentinian) and Christoph Müller (Swiss). This unlikely trio formed in 1999 and their first release was Vuelvo Al Sur in 2000, followed by La Revancha del Tango in 2001. Their music is clearly tango, but also uses electronic elements such as samples, beats and breaks. In fact, “Gotan” is an anagram of "tango", which is not a coincidence.

If you like this track – Epoca – I’d strongly suggest that you get yourself over to Amazon. The entire album is very good, but then it would be wouldn’t it? It comes highly recommended, after all ;-)

The goose is getting fat

2006-11-07T11:42:00.000Z

I know a lot of readers of this rather wondrous blog are from the other side of the pond, but if any of you over there have had more than a passing exposure to British television you’ll have realised that the standard of advertising in this sceptered isle is light years ahead. In fact, I still remember some Stateside ads with a certain fondness - or do I mean bemusement - from my many visits to NY... most of them about haemorrhoids, for some reason. Oh, and the one that ended with “That was the most thu-row eye exam I’ve ever had” – remember that one?

Anyway, around this time of year the marketeers’ battle for the punter's festive pound really heats up, and some fantastic ads start to hit our screens. Usually, Woolworths wins hands down with it's 3-minute epics (historically, the time allotted to ads during programme breaks) but this year it seems that there may be a new winner. This one, from Boots, is my favourite for a long, long time and also features a soundtrack that I’m selecting for Musical Monday next week (so if you know what it is, keep it to yourself). Oh, and watch out for the girl stuffing the turkey, because she is fucking hot!!

As an aside, long-standing readers of this blog will possibly recollect my dissatisfaction with Weetabix, specifically with regard to the loading of Alpen with raisins. Well, I’m pleased to report that my latest box averaged just 8 raisins per bowl. Yes, eight – a bit of an improvement on 42, wouldn’t you say?

Musical Monday

2006-11-06T07:46:00.000Z

You’d be forgiven for thinking that my absence over the last couple of days was indicative of my failure to survive "The Sleepover" on Friday. Well, as it happens, you’d be wrong, because it all went pretty well. In fact, whilst I’m not going to say it was easy, it wasn’t exactly difficult either; you just feed them (light on anything that induces hyperactivity, of course), crack a few jokes, compliment them on their make-up, occasionally yell “Will you please keep the noise down?” and let them get on with it.

I’m available, and my rates are pretty competitive.

As for everything else – you know, life - I have one thing to say... no more bullshit. It’s always interesting to find out who your friends are, and who’s just playing lip service, or playing games. And frankly, I don’t have the time or the patience, so...time to move on, I think.

Although this track has been played by one of my MM friends before (yes, you, CeeCi) it’s so beautiful that I have no qualms in choosing it for myself this week. It’s from the album 1 Giant Leap, which should be on everyone’s shelves, and it’s Michael Stipe and Asha Bholse with “The Way You Dream”. I know you'll love it - and in the meantime I'll just bask in the first Tottenham victory over Chelea in 33 attempts. Heaven.

Oh my god!

2006-11-03T18:43:00.001Z

I say this for two very specific reasons, as it happens. Which are as follows...

This morning I had my first Spanish lesson. Now, my teacher (Cristina) is lovely – very friendly, very helpful, and very, errmmm... cute. In fact, she told me that I would make an ideal student, although she didn’t elaborate as to why, other than saying something about my accent, and my imagination. I’m not entirely sure that I want her to know too much about my imagination, or why it’s relevant for that matter, but I do know this.

It was fucking difficult.

Anyway, I have a few one-to-one lessons ahead before I join a small group, and with luck on my side I won’t make a complete and absolute prat of myself. Oh, and I’ve just spent about £40 on Amazon, buying coursework and “501 Spanish Verbs”. I imagine it’ll keep me out of mischief for a while!

The second reason is that – as I sit here typing this post – there are EIGHT children in the kitchen. Allegedly they’re eating, but there’s so much noise from them that I think it’s virtually impossible that any of them can have even a molecule of food in their mouths. And even worse, they’re all sleeping here tonight. Me and eight children... god give me strength.

Okay, I’m going to open the door and attempt to restore some order here. And you know what? After that I’m going to pour myself a very, very large drink and go seek refuge in my room. Unless anyone wants to come round and help?

This & that

2006-11-01T17:13:00.000Z

It’s funny... I noticed (almost by accident) that the hits on this blog broke the 60,000 barrier during the last 24 hours. There was a time I’d have got rather excited about a statistic like that, and probably posted about it. Hang on – I just did, didn’t I? But you know what I mean... I feel like I’m a blogging veteran these days, and things have in some way gone full circle. I started off just using it as a vehicle to post some thoughts, and I feel like I’m doing that again. I’m not a purist, necessarily, but it seems right somehow.

I’ve been talking about starting language lessons for a year or so now, and this morning I booked up for classes... a trial class next week, followed by enrolment for a further twelve. It won’t come as a surprise if I say that I’ve opted for Spanish over French, but to be honest I’d almost certainly have done that even if it weren’t for “extenuating circumstances”. Talking of which, Bea seems to have had a tough few days, feeling the effects of what a LDR can mean, I guess. It isn’t necessarily easy, and despite the cheerful tone of recent posts I don’t have my head ~~up my arse~~ buried in the sand. I’m sure there will be difficulties ahead, but I’m going to remain positive.

Oh yes, and I’ve just printed off and framed a few photographs for various rooms in the house, and a couple of the kids were nice enough that I thought I’d post them here. Well, I’m a father... I’m allowed to act like one now and again, aren’t I? (And yes, I know the backgrounds are crap, but with mounts inside the frames they look okay!)

Musical Monday

2006-10-30T09:12:00.000Z

I woke up this morning, and the sun was actually streaming through my bedroom blinds. As I got out of bed, I felt a smile play across my lips and I realised that I really am happy at the moment. Not that fleeting happiness that goes as quickly as it appears, but a real feeling that I'm in a good place. It's not a place that I've always been, and I don't need to be told to appreciate it.

Bea and I were chatting on MSN/webcam last night, but after looking at her face on my screen for a while I had to speak to her properly, and hearing her voice was what I needed. We talked about London, and she told me about the jumper (!) and boots that she'd bought earlier in the day. And we both know that something... important is happening right now. It's scary, but it's also exciting.

My track this week is from one of those albums that - whenever you put it on - it sounds... right. I've copied this from Wikipedia...

"Eagle-Eye Cherry (born 7 May 1971 in Skåne, Sweden) is an American-Swedish musician. His sister Neneh Cherry, father Don Cherry and halfsister on his Swedish side, Titiyo, are also musicians.

Soon after he was born, he moved to New York with his father, where he began acting and playing music. After his father's death in 1995, Eagle-Eye moved to Stockholm with his girlfriend, and began to focus on songwriting. He recorded Desireless, which was commercially successful in Europe and was released in the United States in 1998.

Cherry found commercial success with the song "Save Tonight". He released his second album in 2000 (Living in the Present Future) which was remixed for the American market (released as Present/Future), but did not sell well. His subsequent album (Sub Rosa), as a result of the prior album's sales, was not released stateside. He remains very successful in other countries.He was also featured on Santana's (Supernatural) album."

There you go, then. And this is "Worried Eyes", from the album Desireless.

Random thoughts

2006-10-28T17:21:00.000+01:00

Sometimes I think that my children are even funnier than I am (really, I mean it!). Livvy (that’s “O”, by the way) talking to Bea on MSN this afternoon...

“When you come over, will you take me to my bus stop so I can show you to my friends?”

I’ve spent the day cleaning the house from top to bottom, and tonight I’m rewarding myself with dinner. I’m actually seeing my friend Michele, who I’ve written about in the past as someone with whom I’ve been happy to share a bed on many an occasion (we both maintained that we were completely terrified by the “R” word. Clue – it has four syllables.) Anyway, tonight it’s just going to be dinner and a spliff, because I’m not into fucking around when I’m seeing someone. And anyway, I’m in... (Ha! Got you!)

I looked at some new cars yesterday, and was seriously thinking about trading in my beauty for the new Alfa Brera 3.2 litre. But I was chatting later to a friend of mine, and subsequently decided that I’m going to save as much as I can over the next year, and then try to give myself the option of moving to a slightly bigger house if all goes well. Or maybe buy a little place in Spain if things really do take off with this European project I’m working on. That said, I’m only dreaming really... but the point is something is telling me not to waste money on a car that I don’t need. It’s interesting, because it’s a while since I allowed myself to even begin to make any plans, even fairly tenuous ones. I’m going to have to be very, very careful, I think...

Have a great weekend, all of you. I’ll stop by tomorrow and see what’s going on in your neck of the woods. Or necks of the wood... no, that sounds completely ridiculous, doesn’t it?

Exotica

2006-10-26T13:44:00.000+01:00

I miss the beach, and the sun. I seem to have got myself into a kind of mind-set where I expect to work for three weeks and then holiday for one. I have a suspicion that it’s not sustainable, however much I enjoy it! Instead, then, here’s a photo of the beach in Tenerife, to make me feel better even if it doesn’t mean that much to you... Actually, I’m having a quiet month work-wise, just putting the foundations in place for November onwards. I do keep thinking about Moscow and Milan, though - and counting my lucky stars... oh, and I have a couple of bids out there, one of them for an enormous project in Dubai which I doubt I’ll get but which is exciting to think about anyway.

It got me thinking about how easy it is to get in a rut... not just with regard to work, but with regard to life generally. And we can sit and dwell on it, or we can try to do something about it. When you’re pissed off, or depressed, being positive can take what seems to be a mammoth effort, but it’s an effort that has to be made. Change isn’t always good, but it’s inevitable, and we can influence it – or maybe manipulate it – if we're determined enough. If we want something enough.

I spoke to Bea last night, and we’ve made some plans for when she comes over... I’ve organised a bit of a party, in fact, which should be fun. One of the Scottish Sisters from Tenerife (who now lives in Torquay, famous for Fawlty Towers if nothing else) is coming up with her husband, so at least there’ll be a couple of familiar faces for her (she’s very nervous, poor thing). The two of them (Bea and Scottish Sister, that is) went out for dinner last night, as SS is actually in Tenerife with the kids this week for half-term, and no doubt the rather uncomfortable burning of my ears all night was a direct consequence of their little get-together. Oh, to have been a fly on the wall! In any event, I got a message from Bea at 3am this morning saying she was back home, and

You have nothing to worry about. Or do you???

Bea xxx

Hmmmm. I actually knew what she meant. Women have such a perverse sense of humour sometimes!

Musical Monday

2006-10-23T02:55:00.000+01:00

Well, I spoke to Mike (my friend who had the quadruple heart bypass ten or so days ago) today, and he's back at home & sounding pretty chirpy. Apparently it only hurts when he laughs or sneezes, and considering I'm reasonably funny and I have a cold I suspect that I'm not the best company for him at the moment. But he and I appear to have a lot of work coming up, and all of it looks like it'll involve overseas travel - initially to Moscow, Milan and Brussels. You've got to love this consultancy lark, haven't you? Anyway, next year is beginning to look reasonably hopeful and my Air Miles account might actually be worth something by the summer!

Mind you, I won't be taking any more holidays for a while now. And anyway, Bea's coming over to stay in three weeks to sample some REAL weather for once. In fact, one of her friends bought her a jumper (that's a "sweater"! Ed) with a matching scarf, hat and mittens for her birthday, which she found quite hysterical. I don't think she's ever experienced weather below the mid-70's (in old money) so London in November should be quite an experience!

I'm going through a bit of a retro phase at the moment, and my track for this week makes me think of Terence Conran wallpaper, swirly patterned carpets and flared Wrangler jeans. It also happens to be my very favourite song to play on my iPod when I'm running, and it seems to spur me on to go just that little bit faster than normal. I should also thank the lovely Mez for the heads-up a few months back, although it subsequently transpired that virtually all my friends have this album in their collections and thought I was completely mad for not having bought it a long time ago.

So... enough mystery then - this is Air and La Femme d'Argent, from the album Moon Safari. And I challenge you not to absolutely love it!

Back to reality

2006-10-21T16:22:00.000+01:00

Well, here I am... back in front of my laptop in the office, kids in the lounge watching That’s So Raven, and Lola at my feet crying for (another) lunch. The past few days in Tenerife might have felt like some kind of dream if I wasn’t so tired - the last three nights we got to bed at 4am, 6am and 5am respectively, and I now feel like I could go into hibernation for about a week quite happily. And I have an absolutely awful cold, and a sore throat, so today I’m going to do absolutely fuck all other than watch some football and catch up on the last week’s episodes of 24 and Battlestar Galactica! For a guy, could there be a better day than that? (Errr, yes actually, but it’s not bad as days go!)

If you’d suggested to me a while back that I’d find myself in Tenerife one warm night in October, standing in the middle of a football stadium with about 40,000 screaming Latin Americans watching Marc Anthony on stage with his wife (yes, Jennifer Lopez herself) I’d have thought you were completely insane. But what an amazing experience – and each one of those 40,000 sang every word to every song, with a passion that bordered on hysteria.

Also pretty amazing was the birthday party for Beatriz the night before, with about 20 members of her family, and friends, of who 2 could speak just a little English... although the after-party, with one or two substances of an illegal nature making a belated appearance, was also something of an experience. And everyone went out of their way to make me feel comfortable, knowing that I’d potentially be feeling a little out of place amongst them. Especially as Beatriz’ mum kept asking me what my name was, which was marginally disconcerting!

But now, it’s back to reality for me... and that means blowing this rather red nose of mine again, and then taking more washing out of the tumble dryer. I think I preferred it on the beach, frankly! Well, wouldn't you?

Looking for the stars

2006-10-15T07:34:00.000+01:00

So... it’s Sunday morning, the cat’s crapped on the rug in the lounge (I so hate that), and I’ve just had a very strong cup of coffee as I contemplate this strange thing that I call my life. All these twists and turns that just go to show, time and again, how unpredictable it all is... and how things can change from one moment to the next.

A year ago, I’d just handed in my notice at a job that was slowly wearing down my spirit, and was wondering if I'd effectively signed my own professional death warrant. But I’m still here, my children have been on holiday and have had everything they need, and it looks like I have work going into 2007. I’m amazed, and just a tiny bit proud of myself – yes, I know that pride is “bad”, but now and again I misbehave. Shoot me.

Not everything is perfect... the ex is being a prize bitch, quite a few of my friends are going through a hard time in one way or another, and there’s still a degree of uncertainty in my life which might be worrying if I allowed it to be. But essentially I’m a very lucky man, and as I pack the last few things in my case for another instalment of this ridiculous adventure I seem to be on, I’m very thankful. If there was such a thing as Gratitude Sunday I might be tempted to play, but I won’t be here on Tuesday and – anyway – it’s the letter L this week. That’s a dangerous one, and best left well alone.

I tried to visit everyone last night, but Haloscan was playing up and I wasn’t able to leave a comment everywhere I wanted to. But now I just have time for a good run, a shower, and a few minutes to relax before I set off for the airport again. I hope you all have a good week, and a positive one. And remember that line from a song by Tindersticks that I quoted on the very first Musical Monday? The one about how we spend our time with our eyes on the ground, looking for the stars?

See you when I get back.

Random thoughts

2006-10-12T08:02:00.000+01:00

Well, my friend Mike will have had his operation yesterday. I’m not close enough that it was appropriate to call, but I may do so this evening, just to make sure that everything went well. Consequently, though, it was a strange day yesterday... and just recently, another friend/business associate (who reads this blog, actually) had something of a trauma when his little grandson fell out of a 4th story window. He’s making a good recovery, but when I was listening to the story I found myself crying on the telephone, which was perhaps a little less than supportive. Or, at least, less supportive than I wanted to be. There's so much personal "stuff" going on, everywhere, it seems... and usually we just see a microcosm of each other's lives. Sometimes it pays to remember that everyone who walks past us in the street has a story...

My trip to Brussels was called off at the eleventh hour, as a consequence of some politicking in the client organisation. On the one hand, I wanted (and needed) to go, but it wasn’t good timing for me, and I’ve taken the opportunity to invite Mum over for dinner tonight. She’s 75, bless her, and I have to look after her... bloody shame she doesn’t drive, though, as I feel like a taxi service sometimes. Anyway, I’m cooking lamb medallions, baby roast potatoes and a selection of vegetables, and she can see the changes I’ve made over here since she last came to visit. I’ve also just printed off a lot of my photos, mostly black and white, and hung them all over the house. Now, every room I go in I have the children looking down on me. Even when I’m doing a wee, which is a little disconcerting.

Before I go, I just want to send some positive thoughts to another - special - friend who’s going through a hard time at the moment. Everything will work itself out, I know it will. It always does, given a little time... and, as you know, timing is everything. (Oh, and I hope you all didn’t come here expecting an HNT, by the way... I said I was retired, and I meant it. Check out the archives if you want some flesh – there’s plenty there to choose from!)

Musical Monday

2006-10-09T01:28:00.000+01:00

My life has descended into complete madness.

I mentioned my friend being hospitalised (he has heart problems)... well, I spoke to him today and after having had an angiogram to see how severe the problem was he's scheduled for a quadruple heart bypass on Tuesday. He sounded scared, and I'm worried for him, but he's in a good hospital and - luckily - he hadn't actually suffered a heart attack when they took him in. In other words, there's no damage to the heart tissue, and the prognosis looks as good as it can look at this stage.

Anyway, I'm covering his work for him, but unfortunately that involves flying out to Brussels at sparrow fart on Thursday, returning late on Friday evening. Now, normally that wouldn't be too much of a problem, but I'm also scheduled to fly out to Tenerife on Sunday for a few days to see Bea (I know, I know... there's a lot to explain). I have other things to do besides sitting in aeroplanes, and the week is just about unmanageable. But at least I have my health, which is more than some people have, eh? Keep you fingers crossed for him please, and I'll let you know how he's doing later in the week.

Today's tracks are from an album I really love - a compilation called Nirvana Lounge, produced by Claude Challe and Ravin. Claude Challe is heavily involved in the Buddha Bar series, and this album is very similar... eclectic, trancy/dancy and very good get stoned to. And fuck to, actually.

Anyway, the first of these tracks, "Yarada" by Amar, fades nicely into the second - Karunesh and "Punjab". That's why I've posted both of them, and if you can listen to them one after the other I don't think you'll be disappointed. I have to say, though, that as I listened to the rest of the album I could have gone back and changed both tracks for any of the others, because its that kind of album.

Happy Musical Monday

Okay, here's the thing...

2006-10-06T23:02:00.000+01:00

A day or two of reflection and things seem different... not quite as important as they did. And I have to say that I'm rather touched by the comments on my ranting apology of a post below, to the extent that I feel kind of wanted. It's nice, and I don't think I can turn my back on all this warmth and affection... so you're stuck with me. Sorry.

But there are going to be a couple of changes around here (he says in his sternest voice). For a start, my last HNT was my last HNT... it was fun, but for now its over. My body is a temple, after all, and giving of it too freely can't be a good thing. Secondly, I intend reverting to the (even more) open and honest style of posting on which this blog was always based. It's who I am, and how I am, after all... for better or worse!

So, this weekend, I'll be visiting you all, and whilst I intend getting round to everyone it may take a while - a friend and business associate has just telephoned me to say that he's in hospital for a few days so I've agreed to take on the work he had in order that he can still achieve his deadlines. It's put me in a fair bit of trouble myself, but I really couldn't say no. Oh, and I shall endeavour to respond to comments... I know its nice to see a response and I've always done my best to oblige. I like to, anyway.

And at least it means that I probably won't have time to bore you with posts about the flights to faraway places I've just booked, but you wouldn't want to hear about that anyway. Would you?

And seriously - thank you.

Bear with me...

2006-10-04T22:26:00.000+01:00

Okay, I'm going to have a bit of a brain-dump. I hope you don't mind...

Firstly, I think I have a case of the blues. I'm in a foul mood, which has meant that I haven't posted, commented, or generally been particularly sociable. I'm sorry - I'm not being rude, it's just one of those things. It's partly a kind of post-holiday reality, and partly pressure of work (and, conversely lack of work, which might sound strange). In any event, I've simply not been in a frame of mind that's condusive to sitting down in front of the laptop and playing. And I just shouted at my Mum.

Secondly, I came very, very close to deleting this blog today. There are a whole host of reasons, none of which I want to go into in detail. One or two things, though, have pissed me off and I'm becoming increasingly aware that when the lines that separate blog from "life" become blurred things tend to get... difficult. And, frankly, I don't need to come here for grief... there's more than enough of that in RL, thanks.

I'm not looking for a chorus of "don't do it"s but merely stating that I may have reached the end of the blogging road. I'll take a bit of time to think about it, and in the meantime will post when I feel like it and - for that matter - what I feel like. (It's not Fuck You Friday yet, is it? Shame.) That said, I appreciate the comments from those of you who saw fit to welcome me back... I'll visit you as soon as I can, although tomorrow is a bit manic as I have an interview in the afternoon arising from an unexpected call from a head-hunter a day or two ago; after that I have a friend/colleague coming over to stay in the evening so we can do some work on a bid whilst he's down in London. There'll be no HNT this week, as I can't be arsed (excuse the pun, which wasn't actually intended) and, in any event, I'm not in the mood. Sorry!

You may think this was something of a rant, but believe me if I'd posted what I really wanted to post you'd have been left in no doubt about it. The trouble is, I can't help behaving like a gentleman. Maybe it's an English thing, or maybe it just isn't worth it.

Thanks again to those who stopped by to say hello...

Was that a week? Really?

2006-10-02T11:04:00.000+01:00

Well I guess it was... but to be honest I feel like I've been in a time warp. Or in some other, parrallel universe where the usual laws of nature no longer apply. And I have to say that - as weeks go - it was pretty perfect. So perfect, in fact, that I'm going to say very little on the subject, and instead give you a typical day in pictures.

By the way, have you ever heard of a Cuban Makeover? NML would be proud of me.

Adiós mis amigos

2006-09-23T19:09:00.000+01:00

Es hora para mí de ir. Deséeme la buena suerte.

Hasta la vista.

PS I'll have no access to a computer whilst I'm away but I'll catch up with you all when I get back. And my beautiful friend celebrates her birthday tomorrow, so don't forget to stop by there to wish her a good one.

Tears of a clown

2006-09-22T07:01:00.000+01:00

I had the strangest experience last night, and it took me so unawares that I’m not entirely sure that I’ve got over it just yet. But it told me that when it comes to feelings it’s best to expect the unexpected.

I’d had a busy day, finishing off a piece of work that was already slightly late, getting some washing done for Sunday and touching up some of the paintwork in the hall. When the phone rang at about 8 o’clock I nearly let it go to answerphone, but I saw that it was PTFE and decided that I wanted to speak to her. So I took the call.

She was fine... we’ve been in sporadic contact since we split up anyway, and I knew she’d been busy working but was generally okay. Then she told me that she was seeing someone, that it was quite serious, and that he knew me. I could feel my stomach churn slightly as I asked who it was, and it turned out to be the guy that had tried to repair my laptop a while back when I had some problems that were the consequence of downloading a dodgy Windows Update. The funny thing is, he charged me £40 and couldn’t trace the problem – I ended up fixing it myself!

PTFE asked if he could pick up her make-up bag (remember the make-up bag?) and he duly arrived about an hour later. We chatted for a few minutes and then off he went, with his tight black t-shirt, new haircut and a twinkle in his eye. And you know what? I felt sick. I was no better hours later when I went to bed, and slept eventually having poured myself a large Scotch and popped a Melatonin or two.

So... what was that all about? I was adamant that I wanted to finish with her when she pleaded with me not to, and the only thing I can say in my own defence is that it wasn’t because I didn’t have feelings for her... they were just not quite as intense as the feelings she had for me. Yet now... well, I know what I’d say if it were someone else having this conversation with me. And although I might couch my advice in diplomatic terms, the message would be “live with it”.

Emotions – feelings – can be unpredictable sometimes, can’t they? But then I'm sure that a little pain is good for the soul... that’s what I’m telling myself, anyway.

HNT 47

2006-09-21T07:24:00.000+01:00

This week is just flying by... some hair-brained idea weeks ago, and suddenly it's nearly the weekend and time to pack. Yes, I may really be a lunatic, but at least my headstone won't be saying "He was bored". My life's a lot of things, but boring definitely isn't one of them.

Anyway, I'm now walking around the house enjoying the new floor downstairs and the rich colours of the bedroom upstairs. Amazing, isn't it, that after all the activity in my pink-ribboned-wallpaper-with-floral-border room, now it looks so nice it's just been me and, errmmm... well, Lola. And as she spends her time under the bed she doesn't even get to enjoy it.

So, Monday becomes Thursday yet again here at Chez WDKY and I think it's appropriate in the circumstances to leave you with the second installment of New Sheets. After all, life is just a series of installments, isn't it? Something of a black comedy in my case, but there you go...

New Sheets - 2 of 2

Happy HNT