Another year...

The years... pass. I'm not going to pretend that I think about you all the time, but I think about you, especially on this particular day. It prompts me to read your letter, and reminds me that a person's love can still be felt long after they leave us.

Except you never really left us, did you?

Anu

So... five years today. I can hardly believe it as I write those words but there it is.

I just read our mails again, and the letter you hastily wrote by hand as the parcel guys waited impatiently for you to finish (and yes, Ganesh still sits on my shelf, keeping an eye on the path ahead). And I must be honest - yet again, I shed some tears for you. Well, in a way they were for me because I know that wherever you are you'll be filling all around you with joy.

Just like you filled me with joy, Anu, for which I thank you.

Edit: It occurred to me after I posted this that all those wonderful comments that were left after Anu's passing have gone forever. Luckily, they were included in the letter that I subsequently posted to her parents, and I've reproduced them as comments to/on this post as I believe them to be a more fitting memorial than my words alone:

Musical Monday

Ashes and Snow

Just a temporary return, perhaps, but for what I think is a special reason - even if it isn't (strictly speaking) a Musical Monday post. However, this video stopped me in my tracks, and I can only urge you to play it when you're able to afford it your complete focus. And play it in full screen mode.



"Gregory Colbert has used both still and movie cameras to explore extraordinary interactions between humans and animals. His exhibition, Ashes and Snow, consists of over 50 large-scale photographic artworks, a 60-minute film, and two 9-minute film haikus. This excerpt is entitled Feather to Fire, and is narrated in three languages by Laurence Fishburne (English), Ken Watanabe (Japanese), and Enrique Rocha (Spanish).""

You can read more at http://www.ashesandsnow.org/, where you'll see that the exhibition in Mexico that closed last April attracted more than 8.7 million visitors in 100 days. As I said, something special.

Thank you for asking...

I'm sure it hasn't escaped the attention of those that (kindly) check in here from time to time that my intention to return to the world of blogging has largely fallen by the wayside. And the truth is that I'm not entirely sure why it's happened.

I do know that when I started my blog I was single, angst-ridden and under some strange belief that I had a story to tell. At times it’s been an exhilarating ride and at other times it’s been somewhat painful, but I feel that - at the very least - there's been a reality to my life that might just have been missing once upon a time. Perhaps it’s just that, in order to grow, we need to really understand ourselves; and for some of us it takes a life-changing circumstance to start that process of self-evaluation and self-discovery. A lot of things have happened over those two and a half years, and at the very least I can say that I've given it a go.

And now I look back at this little world I shared with anyone who chose to stop by with a sense of comfort. I’ve given glimpses of the physical, the spiritual and the sexual… always honest, always genuine. I’ve also learnt that one can make very real connections without ever meeting in person, and without any likelihood of ever meeting in person. (Mind you, I have met a few, and have never been disappointed or found myself under any kind of misapprehension.) It’s all… well, kind of reassuring. You know what I mean, don’t you?

I have no idea whether I’ll come back here again (maybe I will, soon or not so soon), start afresh at some point, or just put the whole blogging thing down to experience. I will, however, make a serious attempt to keep in touch with you, through the occasional visit to your world online or through more direct means. And please feel free to contact me too, if the mood takes you.

In the meantime, I’ll leave this blog here so that I can carry on where I left off if I choose to. And, of course, as a little reminder of Musical Monday, HNT, nights of lust and madness… in other words, the world of WDKY. And I have to tell you… it’s not a bad world. Not a bad world at all.

Errr...

I guess I'm back. A little wrinkled around the edges because life has taken its toll, but then again it's never easy, is it? Anyway...

I've been to Istanbul two or three times, and will be going again in a week or two. I had hoped to meet up with Keda over there but it's looking like that won't be happening as I don't have a great deal of time to go off gallivanting (as my dad would have said). But I have to tell you... it's a crazy city, the people are as friendly as you'll meet anywhere, and I rather like it!

I've also had drama upon drama with Livvy, and at one point she even decided that she was no longer going to grace me with her presence. It did cause a fair amount of upset and i spent more than a few nights sleeping very little over it, but having changed my strategy (I've decided to that I'm just NOT going to get cross with her, or at least not so as she'd know it) she seems to be reverting to the girl that she's been pretending not to be.

Oh yes, and my house project is finished! Remember the bedroom as it was originally?


And after I decorated it in a rather strange style, with the ex-marital antique pine still very much in evidence?



Well, now it looks like this, after a good brightening up, some inset halogen lights and some deliciously walnutty fitted cupboards (sorry about the blurriness - they were snapped on my mobile and I was in a rush)! Unfortunately, that gorgeous leather bed of a few posts ago was a little too big, and I had to change it for the simpler one in the photo below. Shame, as I hate the new one :-(




Actually, the entire house was decorated and Livvy had some cupboards built in her bedroom too. It was a fucking nightmare, not helped by the fact that I work from home, but it was over in about three weeks. Thank god.

To be honest, there's been quite a lot of "stuff" going on, but this post was really just to say that I'm back in the land of the living, and that I'll be trying to post as regularly as I can in future. I can see that a lot of people have been checking in to see what's going on, and there are also a couple of new readers who have left comments or dropped me a line. That's really nice, and all in all it makes me feel quite committed to coming back.

Or maybe I should just be committed :-)

Sometimes...

Life just throws too much at you.

Just time for a quickie

I can’t believe it’s been a week since I last posted, but there’s no Musical Monday today I’m afraid… I’m about to jump on a plane and head back to Istanbul on business. The truth is that I just haven’t had time to think musically this week. What I would like to do, though, is to thank everyone for some very thoughtful and considered comments on the subject of teenage and parental angst. It looks like something of an ongoing project to me. Hmmmmm.

I have a suspicion that this year – in fact, the next few months – are potentially going to be life-changing, and my head is so full of questions that I’m finding it difficult to sleep. I’m tense, and I don’t like it. Firstly, I’ve been handed a proposition with regard to work that was completely unexpected and that will need me to make some big decisions soon. Essentially, someone I know well has been handed a vast sum of money (I mean vast) to start up a new venture, and he wants to bring me in as a partner. It would mean saying goodbye to the company I’ve built as it would be surplus to requirements, but with a clear exit strategy after 5-7 years it might just be the best opportunity I’ve ever had. I need to think carefully, but I’m beginning to warm to the idea. In fact, it’s getting hot in here…

I’m also doing a load of work on the house, because I’d like to move in the summer and I’m a big House Doctor fan. It needs totally brightening up and there’s so little storage space that I’m having some fitted cupboards built in the bedrooms (in a dark walnut, with light walls - mmmmm!). If the house does go on the market it will be in absolutely perfect condition for selling, and if it doesn’t… well, we’ll be much happier here. Oh, and I’ve bought this gorgeous leather bed to frolick in.

Bea starts a new job (same hotel, different department) today, so it’s goodbye to late shifts and hello to a sex life again. I’ll keep you advised of developments… oh, and I’ll visit soon. I promise. No, really.