Fuck karma

Do you believe in karma? I don’t think I do, but sometimes things... happen, and there seems to be too much design behind them for them to be accidental, or random. Anyway, let me tell you about yesterday, which was really a very, very bad day...

It started in a less than positive vein, when my bank confirmed that not a single client had settled the invoices I sent out in April. Now, April was the first month that I billed anyone, and my terms are thirty days... basically, then, it’s June and I’ve had no income this year. Great!

Next, my laptop picked up a Trojan Horse that took me about three hours to clear. It was a bad one, too... had to scan about three times, once in safe mode, and clean the hard drive using three different applications. And then edit the registry. And then scan again (getting the picture?). Yes, a productive use of my time, for sure.

But, I have to say, the piece de resistance came later in the day, and for this one I have to backtrack a little. To Sunday night, in fact, when Dina and I decided that we needed to get together to explore what had happened to us when we first met. And explore we did, not in a sexual sense (other than within the confines of our imaginations, anyway) but enough to know that this was something… real. In fact, we both left each other on Sunday night thinking that – if indeed we had been searching for something – then that search was over.

Yesterday afternoon, then, she sent me an email, an email that gave me a little more information about her. Information of a very personal nature. And the consequence of her sharing that with me is that I can never see her again, even though I know she was a woman who I would have loved. Life sucks sometimes, doesn’t it?

As an aside…

I thought I had problems with Audioblog yesterday, hence the (initial) use of Castpost. But it seems that it’s actually Blogger, in that it won’t let me edit any posts that contain a music file – I can only see them in “preview” mode. Is it just me?

But problems aside, yesterday’s Musical Monday was wonderful, and thanks to CeeCi and Mez I’ve got some new music on the way from Amazon that I know I’m going to love. Oh, and I also bought this and this. Sometimes, I just thank god for music.

Musical Monday

These days, I seem to be starting each Musical Monday post with phrases like "that was a bit of a weekend...". Well, I have to say that on this occasion it was. I have a feeling things are polarising slightly now, which is no bad thing. And I suspect I'll post more on the ridiculous life of mine tomorrow. Or maybe it's not so ridiculous after all... it just seems to be pulling my every which way at the moment.

I have a feeling it's time to slow things down a bit, and to assist in achieving that objective I thought I'd post something rather beautiful today. This is from a man who I only discovered about a year ago, and who died far, far too young. A talented songwriter and musician, he's remembered in the main for the majesty of his voice, such that one critic was moved to proclaim that it was "the voice of an angel". His one completed studio album is quite breathtaking, and I've chosen this particular track for two reasons, even though it happens to be a cover. Firstly, because it's an excuse to pay homage to the great Leonard Cohen; and secondly because the vocals are nothing short of exquisite.

So, here it is then... Jeff Buckley, and Hallelujah.



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I think I need a drink

I took my car in to the garage yesterday to have someone check out the brakes, which had been making some grinding noises lately and were beginning to worry me a bit. A few hours later, my bank account was lighter to the tune of £1000, courtesy of four new tyres and a complete set of discs and pads... not the way I wanted to finish the week, but I have to tell you that it’s been the strangest of weeks anyway. Sit down and make yourself comfortable...

In this life of mine, fate has a funny way of slapping me round the face and saying “Pay attention, damn it”... and it reminds me to be aware of just what it is that I may be thinking, or feeling, because usually it proves to be wise not to ignore these things. So in a way I wasn’t surprised when I received an email from Red completely unexpectedly. She always said that we should remain friends (in fact, she’s the only woman I've been out with during the course of my newishly acquired singledom who’s met my children - but then we did go out for about 9 months). Apparently, she’s just - finally - filed her divorce petition after god knows how many years, and the thought of crying on my shoulder is something of a temptation for her. I’ll have to make sure that I don’t wear one of my new t-shirts, but I’ve agreed to have a drink and a bite next week. I’m not saying I’m thinking anything untoward, but her comment along the lines of “If we don’t kiss I think we’ll be okay” made me smile.

More serious - at least according to the speed and strength of my beating heart - is the fact that someone entered my life unexpectedly last week and seems to have made much more of an impact than I could possibly have anticipated. I’ll call her Dina for reasons that I won’t go into, and I can only say to you that my knees go weak when I think of her. I didn’t plan it, I should add, and in many ways didn’t want it to happen, but happen it did. And now, rightly, it’s got me thinking, although at this stage I'm not sure whether I'll have cause to write about her again. I will say that she's tiny, and dark, and incredibly beautiful. I just thought that I'd share that with you, because it's just possible that Dina could be... well, let's just not get ahead of ourselves here. Hmmmm.

I’ve always said that PTFE was never going to be more than “Miss Right Now” but it seems to me that the problem (if there is one) realtes to an imbalance in terms of how we feel about each other. It worries me, as I’ve said more than once in the course of writing these posts, and for that reason I’m going to take a few days to process what’s going on in my life at the moment. And I’m going to do one of two things... I’m either going to push everything else to one side, and forget about it. Focus on PTFE, fully, and give things as much of a chance as I can give them. Or I’m going to have to accept that my heart isn’t in it, and bring things to an end before she becomes too entangled emotionally. I’m certainly not going to be unfaithful to her, but I also think that I’m entitled - no, I have a responsibility - to do what’s right for me.

I guess the next few days will tell. And whilst I have no idea what the immediate future will bring I do know that potentially important things are happening around me, and I’m not going to ignore that. And in the meantime, I’m going to try to enjoy the weekend. I hope you do too. And, right now, I'm off to cook some pancakes for the real loves of my life!

HNT 33 - shopping at Fat Face

I must admit, I enjoy shopping... for clothes, stuff for the house, even for food. I think it has something to do with being in touch with my feminine side (which I'm proud to say that I am), or maybe I just have to accept that I'm a consumer.

Either way, anyone reading my blog this week will know that I went on a bit of a spree at Fat Face, and I had been asked a couple of times what I bought. To be honest, I'm embarrassed to say how many t-shirts (and the odd beaded necklace, which I seem to be addicted to) I ended up carrying off in my bag(s) but suffice it to say that i didn't have much change from... ahem... well, I didn't have much change. So here's a few of my purchases, which all in all should see me through the summer. Well, you have to bear in mind that I'm talking about a British summer...

Happy HNT x

A day off

Thank you for your appreciation of Musical Monday, “the craze that isn’t quite sweeping the blogosphere”. And a particular thank you to anyone who played along themselves... I really do enjoy listening to the music you choose, especially when its music that I didn’t know. And I would have responded to all of the comments individually, if I hadn’t been working the entire fucking Bank Holiday, to achieve my project deadline... in fact, my babies had to come to a meeting with me yesterday, which luckily enough was in a work associate’s house. We got there at 10 and left at gone 6 in the evening, but they were absolute angels all day and I was incredibly proud of them. I love them so much...

Anyway, today I’m taking a well-earned day off and going shopping at Fat Face to buy some new t-shirts for this joke of a summer. Oh, and some beady things, no doubt. Have a look at the site, they have some lovely stuff. I’ve just had to stock up on some new jeans too (Levi’s, of course... 507’s, actually) as all my jeans end up going on the knees eventually. I can’t think why...

Tonight it’s a few drinks and some dinner with PTFE. She’s worrying me a little... lots of sighing and meaningful looks, but I guess I’m just going to take things as they come. Anyway, I think the “L” she’s in might be a four letter word, but it ends in a consonant. Easily confused all too often, but I’ve been around the block too many times. Orgasms can cloud one’s judgement.

Wish me luck with my shopping, because I have a feeling it’ll play a part come Thursday. Oh, and I added a Flickr link to my sidebar for anyone who wants some easily-accessible reminders of what an incredible thing Os has achieved. The more I think about it, the more awe-inspiring it becomes.

Musical Monday

I guess that was the weekend, then. God, they go quickly... although I managed to get through it without any kind of Talk becoming an issue. Actually, that's not strictly true... after watching The DaVinci Code at the cinema on Saturday night we spent the next few hours doing what PTFE does best. Then a few hours sleep before waking up on Sunday morning and resuming where we left off. At some point, I ran for a few miles and then came back, showered and - you've guessed it - went back to bed. After which, finally exhausted, I lay back on the pillow and tried to summon up enough energy to breathe.

PTFE - "Have you got something to say to me?"

Me - "I don't know,. Have I?"

PTFE - "Yes, I think you have."

Me - "Well... I'm not sure that I should"

PTFE - "Don't be silly. Say what you want to say."

Me - "(Sighing...) Okay. I'll have a strong coffee and two slices of jam toast. Thanks darling."

To be honest, I had no idea what she was going on about, or if I did I'd rather not even acknowledge that the thought process took place. All I know is that she sent me a text this afternoon saying "Thank you. All fifteen times." I'll admit that it made me smile, but then it would. Wouldn't it?

Musical Monday

Another band from the south west of England, faithless are incredibly hard to pin down, with a wide range of musical styles but falling, perhaps, within the trip-hop genre like their friends and neighbours Massive Attack and Portishead. Their “open door” policy has encouraged many to contribute to their recording success, but the band has only three core members, each interesting in their own right.

Maxi Jazz – the live frontman, a rapping Buddhist with an astonishingly eloquent, poetic style all his own. His deeply held philosophical convictions lend Faithless an intellectual profundity rarely found in the dance arena.
Sister Bliss – the band’s musical engine, a classically trained pianist also renowned as the world’s leading female DJ.
Rollo Armstrong – the band’s instigator and producer, and the co-producer for his younger sister Dido as well mixing tracks for such stellar artists as U2 and Bjork. Head of the Cheeky record label, he can neither play nor dance and so chooses not to join the band when they play live.

I could have chosen any number of track and styles for today’s MM post, but this one, the title track from the album Reverence, is a favourite. Hopefully you’ll like it too.



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Late nights and porn star sex

Well, it’s not long after 7am here at Chez WDKY, and all is quiet as I sip a strong, hot coffee and smoke my first cigarette of the day. I’ve just thrown the office window wide upon and the air that’s coming in is cold and damp... you’d think it was February, or maybe early March. Certainly not the end of May, and the early throes of summer. There are a lot of good things about this country, but trust me... the weather isn’t one of them.

I’m taking advantage of this early lull before the storm (in more ways than one) to post and visit my Blogroll because no doubt all will be very different soon. O had a friend sleep over last night, and although I let them all stay up nice and late in order to ensure just a little solitude this morning I’m expecting to hear the sounds of young hungry children pretty soon. And they know that it’s hot pancakes with chocolate and maple syrup for breakfast, so I doubt that they’ll opt for much of a lie-in.

I seem to have worked myself to exhaustion this week, with Monday’s deadline on my largest project fast approaching and the usual inconsistency from everyone I’m relying on for data holding me up until the last moment. But I’ve enjoyed the buzz, and now – with my best month behind me and a little work already booked for June – I need to start bringing some work in for July and onwards. This life of the self-employed takes some getting used to... thinking about where the income is going to come from months down the line is unremitting, and it’s clearly the key to surviving or not. And I still have a long way to go before I know that my first year so been a success, the first casualty being our usual summer holiday with our friends in Tenerife.

Despite my aching mind and body, PTFE will be here tonight, full of energy and a stubborn belief that porn-star sex is the cure for... well, everything. As we were talking on the phone last night, and I was attempting to tell her what a week of 18 hour days can do to the soul, she was insistent on telling me what her unmatched oral technique was going to do for my spirit – and, of course, my cock. And (I have to be honest with you) despite my weariness I almost think she might be right. There are certainly worse things than having her soft, hot lips wrapped around you, that’s for sure. I wonder what she intends leaving here this time, though... and whether I can get through the weekend without having any kind of Talk. We shall see.

And, of course, you’ll find out soon enough. In the meantime, enjoy what over here at least is a long weekend. Not for me, of course – guess what I’m doing on Bank Holiday Monday? Yes, I’m working! But I really shouldn’t complain... and thinking about tonight seems to have... perked me up a bit. In fact, I’m suddenly completely perked, if you know what I mean!

HNT 32 - and 40,000 hits!

Thursday again... crikey. So, that means HNT then. And in celebration of 40,000 hits on this blog (god knows why, but thanks!) I give you... me. In bed, which is the best place for me, apparently ;-)

Come on... climb in. I have something for you.


And yes, my hair's actually greyer than it looks here, and in one or two other HNT photos. It's certainly grey above my ears and a bit at the front, but more "speckled" at the back. And no, Kimmy, I haven't coloured it... cheeky girl! Oh, and I have a few grey pubes too. Couldn't post for HNT without mentioning pubes as they seem to be a constant theme on here these days...

Happy HNT x

Premature articulation

Thanks for the comments on my MM post, as always – well, they were more related to the masturbating candle wax, in truth. I must say, though, that on closer inspection it looks like a woman sitting on the face of a man with no legs. And holding him by the, errmm...

Anyway, regardless of erotic candle wax musings, I’ve decided that my life is kind of manic. In fact, it’s probably too manic just at the moment, and I need to start a bit of life spring-cleaning in time for the summer. Because in the summer everything needs to slow down for me, so that I can lay resplendent in the garden and soak up some rays (yes, NML, in the buff if I feel like it). And the thing is, I regard the leaving of PTFE’s make-up bag in my bathroom as a sign that it’s not going to be entirely straightforward. In fact, I telephoned her early this morning as I was on my way to a meeting, and the time of the call was apparently a sign of our growing commitment to each other (which was something of a surprise to me, as I thought it was just indicative of the fact that I was about to be tied up in a meeting for endless hours).

All of this confirms my view that men and women handle emotional commitment in the early stages of a relationship in a completely different way. Women want to articulate it, to savour every syllable and roll it around their tongues before swallowing... and this articulation of feelings can be a bit unnerving if it comes too early. I’m not saying that such communication is unnecessary – I’m just saying that it can be premature. (I was proposed to last year after I’d been seeing the woman in question for two weeks. How premature was that? Needless to say, I ran for my life.)

So, with all of this in mind, I’m off this evening for dinner with the lady in question... a Thai meal in the wilds of Essex. Wish me luck, and if I’m not back for HNT alert the media.

Update: Fear not... I'm back, but I have interesting things to report. And KOW - my man, you were hit #40,000. I shall be thinking of how I can mark the occasion but that's another pint I owe you. At least!

Musical Monday

Well... it's Sunday night/Monday morning, and PTFE has been and gone. Not without consequences, mind you... she seems to have left a make-up bag and some other "essentials" in my bathroom, and I must confess it's causing me some concern. But make-up aside, we had a bit of a night on Saturday (sticking pretty much to the agenda although the movie seemed to fall by the wayside), and as if in testament to the sexual heroics that were taking place something rather strange, and a little bit spooky, happened. As PTFE was articulating her pleasure in the accepted way, she suddenly burst out laughing and said "My god. I don't believe it!"

I followed her gaze, which was directed towards the remnants of a couple of my candles which had pretty much melted away and had formed little rivulets of warm wax on the slate hearth of the fireplace. Strangely, one of the candles had evolved into something that seemed anything but random, and in fact seemed entirely fitting of the occasion. Look at the photo, and make up your own mind - random chance, or an acknowledgement from a higher power that the show was being appreciated (think guy with very full scrotum holding dick)?

Musical Monday this week features my favourite track from one of the great bands of the 70's and 80's - Roxy Music. Bryan Ferry may well have had outlandish dress sense and a slightly foppish hair style (think a kind of new romantic Hugh Grant) but he had a wonderful voice, and produced some amazing songs with RM. Remember Love is The Drug? Anyway, this track is from one of RM's lesser-acclaimed albums, "Manifesto". In fact, it's the title track and it's fucking brilliant. Play it loud!

Four times just isn't enough

Well, it isn't... four posts a week, I mean. So now it's Saturday morning, somehow, and the furore of the weekend has begun. And, like with most things, there's some good, and there's some bad...

The bad relates in the main to my sister. When we were young, we had an incredible closeness, but I think I may have mentioned previously that I had a period of major drama with my family that centred around the mafia, a substantial amount of money (mine, or at least it was until it happened) and the consequences of people ending up way, way out of their depth. The fall-out from all of this lasted many years, but over the last few months my sister and I have patched things up, slowly but surely, to the point where that closeness that we once shared was beginning to form again.

Now, for reasons that I can't really go into on here, she's gone. A long way away, and for a very long time. I'm really upset, and Mum is completely devestated. And the stupid thing is, she's gone because yet again she seems incapable of making life choices that aren't absolutely fucking ridiculous. In fact, of the three siblings in my family, only one of us appears to have achieved any kind of maturity whatsoever. Sometimes I wonder how a family can be so dysfunctional that I of all people seem like the most "normal" one. It does make you think...

Anyway, back to the weekend, and the good... I have a day with the children (they generally go off at about 5pm on a Saturday, and come back the same time on Sunday. Well, that's aside from football complications) and then PTFE is coming round for dinner. Well, apparently the agenda goes something like this:

1. Sex
2. Dinner
3. Sex
4. Movie
5. Sex
6. Sleep
7. Sex

Sounds okay, doesn't it? Especially as PTFE has an amazing ability in some areas that makes it feel like I'm going out with a porn star. Mmmmm.... or fucking a porn star, to be more precise.

Oh, and just a quickie about my HNT picture from this week. One of the commenters suggested that amidst all the melting chest hair (there's not really that much, honestly) there lurked a rather unhappy face. I checked, and you know what? She was right. See for yourself.

HNT 31 - Anniversary time

Well, it's HNT's 1st Anniversary today, and Os asked that we repost our original nekkidness and then post something symbolic of the occasion. I have to say my own first attempt was quite a brave one, and set the tone for my pube fixation in later weeks and months. For those who may have missed it, here's a recap of what I looked like in those halceon days...



As for now, well... slightly more prone to playing on Photoshop, but in essence I seem to have retained whatever physical attributes I had back then. In fact, I function physically rather well for someone fast approaching what other's might call middle age. I call it my sexual peak.

Anyone want to put me to the test?


Some explanatory notes following early comments (!)

1. I sunbathe in my garden, which is quite secluded. I may wear skimpies, or I may wear... nothing. When out and about or round the pool, I would like to point out that I wear shorts!!!
2. The effect I used in photoshop for the second photo is slightly weird, but I'm actually not that hairy. Just a slight furriness, really - please refer to first photo for hair-check ;-)
   

A belated word about...

Well, first of all I should say thank you for the Musical Monday comments. To be honest, whilst I read (and appreciated) all of them I just haven’t had time to respond. Work is manic, with the most ridiculous deadlines being imposed on me, and I’ve actually been going out too so I haven’t had much blog-time available this week. In fact, I’m off out for dinner with PTFE in an hour or so, and will visit everyone when I get back and before I go to bed.

Speaking of PTFE, I suppose I should revisit the weekend and the “OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD.” reference on my last post. It’s funny actually, because I’ve revealed enough of my relatively active sex life in the past to indicate that I’m not one who’s easily surprised. Be that as it may, I can honestly say that I’ve never met anyone quite like PTFE before (in a sexual sense, I mean). The sheer joy she seems to feel, her responsiveness, her desire for more, and more, and more... well, as I said, I went to sleep at around 4am on Sunday morning, and I was still smiling when I went to bed the following night. I think she was probably smiling too, because I gave her one or two surprises of my own. And she certainly seemed very appreciative at the time!

The strange thing is, despite this amazing sexual chemistry, and despite the fact that we really do get on well in other respects, I know that PTFE is Miss Right Now, as opposed to Miss Right. I don’t know that it matters, but I can’t help but wonder whether I’m ever destined to stumble across someone in whom I see a long-term, sustainable future. I miss being in love so much sometimes...

Well, that’s the way it is. And for now, instead of dwelling on that particular issue I’m just going to say that I have an idea for Anniversary HNT that meet’s Os’s requirements, so the camera will be out again tomorrow. And I’ll be commenting on all my favourite blogs later... promise. In the meantime, I hope you’ve all had, or are all having, a wonderful Tuesday.

Musical Monday

Sometimes, I get to the end of the weekend and think about what I want to post to my blog, and I’m almost sorry that it’s Monday. Because those are the times that I feel I really want to... share. Saturday night – or to be more precise, Saturday night and Sunday morning – was one of those times, but for now I’m going to just say this.

OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD.

So here I am, still up having slept for no more than two or three hours last night, but feeling pretty good. Feeling vibrant, in fact, as if my body's been pumped full of high-octane fuel. I've been like this all day, and what am I going to do with this energy? I’m going to tell you about...

Dead Can Dance. Unlike any other band I’ve ever heard, and featuring a woman with one of the greatest voices on earth, Lisa Gerrard. And in case you don’t believe me, here’s what some other people have said...

“This is power. This is delicacy. This is the awesome majesty of an erupting volcano delivered with the subtlety and fragility of a snowflake. We are burned to the bone in that frozen moment of time, the one which passes by so quickly, yet remains framed in an exotic yet undefinable memory.”

“Lisa Gerrard's voice amazes me. It is as if she could vocalize, and master, the intangible. One can see through her voice, beyond word and meaning. Pablo Neruda says, in one of my favorite poems: 'words give glass quality to glass, blood to blood, and life to life itself'. She does it singing.”

“What I have to say is probably not original, but it is heartfelt. To me, Dead Can Dance makes music that goes to the essence of why we are alive, of why God put us on this Earth. Whether they make orchestral music, such as on Aion or Spleen and Ideal, or very basic, primitive music, such as is on Spiritchaser or Into the Labyrinth, each in its own way praises God. It is not music as entertainment-it is music as sustenance.”

What do I say? I say listen to Yulunga and Cantara, from the album Toward The Within, and make up your own mind. And I think I'm going to have to revert to daily posting again.

Read all about it

Well, I have to tell you that the second half of the week has been rather good. Not that the first half wasn’t good either, but it was good in a kind of unnoticed way. Zooz emailed me yesterday with a mild admonishment that she’d been reading my blog and still didn’t have a clue what I’d been up to so here it is, then...

Wednesday - The first day of sunbathing – just an hour in the garden, but the feeling of warmth on bare skin was fantastic. And in the evening, I met Keda for a drink and some dinner in Soho. Now, Keda really is lovely - beautiful in the most natural way, with long soft curls falling over her shoulders and a smile to make you go weak at the knees - but she also smells absolutely gorgeous (patchouli and something or other) and I went to bed that night with her scent still wafting over me. Although it was all in the mind, I should add, because Keda was no doubt safely tucked up in her hotel. The only downer of the evening was that we got to my favourite restaurant to find it had closed down... I was gutted! (NML, it’s the one we went to – the Vietnamese.)

Thursday - Not too much happened, other than a good day’s work, some more sunbathing, and a drink in the evening with a woman who had rather splendid breasts. They were very pert, not huge but not tiny either, and at one point (I’m not sure how, actually) they seemed to be right under my nose. They didn’t smell of patchouli either, but that’s fine because even if they did they wouldn’t have been Keda’s! Anyway, I suppose it was a kind of date, but I decided afterwards that I wasn’t going to get involved in any complications. See, and old dog can learn new tricks. Even this one.

Friday was notable for two reasons. The first was still more sunbathing in the garden – the joys of working from home know no bounds, it seems, and the ability to turn the phone off and do fuck all for an hour or two is definitely one of them. I also finished a particular piece of work in time for a meeting on Monday, and was pretty pleased with the result. It’s a large project, and this was just the first part of it, but I decided to celebrate with a white chocolate Magnum before going off to see S play football late in the afternoon and then just vegging out in front of the TV in the evening.

So there you have it – lovely, wasn’t it? And tonight I think I’m going to have the pleasure of PTFE, who seems to have invited herself to stay over (not sure how that happened!) although we’re going into the West End for some dinner prior to any carnal gymnastics. Not a bad week, all in all, and aside from having to do some work on Sunday the weekend should be a good one too. Maybe next week there’ll be some angst and drama to report, but for now I can only apologise. Have a great weekend, all of you, and if you can get up to any mischief make sure you don’t let the opportunity escape you.

HNT 30

248... 249... 250... okay, I was exaggerating slightly - you can knock a couple of hundred off that number and you're closer to the truth. But now I'm older than I was eight days ago, it's important to keep in shape.

So - every morning - I work out for a while, and then run a few miles, hoping to keep the ravages of time at bay just a little while longer. I have no idea whatsoever if it's working or not, but at least I don't have to feel too guilty when I raid the children's chocolate stash.

Anyway, if you don't mind I'm going to get back to it but, as always, Happy HNT x

Okay. 251... 252... 253...

Armageddon

I’ve suddenly realised that I measure the passage of my weeks by Musical Mondays and HNTs. Now I’m sure this isn’t healthy, and I’ll admit to being slightly perturbed at the realisation. I think I need to get out more.

Actually, my little world is spinning quite crazily at the moment. I’m slightly too busy work-wise to cope with it all, and if my latest proposal comes off I’m going to have to outsource it as I won’t have the time to do it myself. Mind you, if the timing works out it might just start after I’ve finished the projects I’m working on at the moment, which would be rather lovely. And I have lots to do in the evenings between now and the weekend, which means not enough sleep and a face that’ll end up looking like that of a beagle’s. It won’t be pretty.

All in all, I’ll be lucky to get back to my computer (other than at an all-day meeting tomorrow) before a similar time tomorrow night, so you’re going to have to cope without me. And forgive me for not popping over to comment as regularly as I’d like to, but life seems to be getting in the way at the moment. So – and before I give you my usual pound of flesh on Thursday – here’s something to bring a bit of a smile to your face.

“Armageddon”

Musical Monday

When Zooz came round for our pre-Birthday dinner, the last thing that I expected was that I would discover some new music that would take my breath away. But discover it I did, and today's Musical Monday is therefore in honour of Zooz and her very fine birthday presents. And I suspect that this won't be the last time a track from one of the CD's she bought me features here, but this one is particuarly lovely.

Okay...I don't know if you've heard of J. Swinscoe's Cinematic Orchestra, because I certainly hadn't, but they were formed in 1999 and are rather excellent proponents of the fusion between jazz and dance that's so popular at the moment. TCO are, it seems, old hands at this game, and my choice for this week is from their second album, Every Day.

The album kicks off with the single "All that you Give", which features a deeply soulful vocal from Fontella Bass (of "Rescue Me" and Art Ensemble of Chicago fame). I think it's rather beautiful, and a little haunting, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I am.



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Age is just a number

So... another birthday’s been and gone. I looked in the mirror just now, and I don’t seem to appear any older. I don’t feel older, either... just a little world-weary, but to coin a phrase... “If you’d only seen what I’ve seen...” Don’t worry, though, I’ve come out the other end and I’m still smiling. Well, grinning, slightly inanely.

Anyway, Zooz came round on the evening before my birthday, as I mentioned she was going to in an earlier post (she say’s hi, incidentally). My sister was going to come too, but she phoned me in the afternoon and said that collagen, botox and a smear test had simply been too much in one day, and she was going to bed. And no, I kid you not... anyway, Zooz came as planned, armed with presents. Not one, not two, not even three... but four CD’s which are going to make my forthcoming Musical Mondays something of a treat for a few weeks. We had some dinner, got stoned, listened to music, and talked – all in all, a very nice pre-birthday indeed. And, I should add, I got one or two lovely surprises from rather special blog-friends. You know who you are, and thank you.

And then, of course, there was The Date. Now, I’m sure you want detail, but I don’t know that I’m going to give you too much. You know what my present was, of course, although I got a bottle of champagne and some hand-made truffles too. And I think it’s fair to say that I rose to the occasion... a number of times, in fact, but then I do function rather well in that department, fortunately. And now, it’s the weekend, which is going to be a quiet one as The Ex is in New York which means that I have the kids until Tuesday. We’re out for dinner tonight with some friends, and it’s the friends who were somewhat involved when I spent the evening putting fake tattoos on the bottom of a VERY famous pop stars mother using a wet tea towel. I think that’s a story for another time, though.

Thank you for the lovely comments on my Birthday HNT, and have a great weekend. I’ll be stopping by over the course of the day to see if you’ve been behaving yourselves.

HNT 29

They're funny things, Birthdays. When you're young, you want them every day. But as you get older, twelve months seems to be plenty soon enough, doesn't it? Well, this is mine... number 46, if anyone but me is counting. I still seem to be in pretty decent nick, and I'm more than happy with what I've managed to develop between the... ears.

That was ears - pay attention. Anyway, I've just bought myself a present... not one, but two new pairs of jeans - 507's, naturally - and I'm due another present later this evening. So think of me then. ROFL.

And Happy (Birthday) HNT x

The date

Hehehe... made you wait, didn’t I?

So... the date. Well, it was relatively straightforward when I think about some past dates of recent times, but we started off with a drink in a rather strange pub in Essex (trust me, you have to understand the significance of “Essex”) and then we went on for a Chinese meal somewhere nearby. It was a nice meal, and we had quite a laugh, talking pretty much non-stop.

After dinner, we went for a bit of a walk, and then sat in the car, talking some more. Oh, and kissing. And then the conversation took an unexpected turn... it went something like this:

“I want to give you a blow job.” (That was her, by the way.)

“Eh?”

“I want to give you a blow job.” (At this point she started wrestling with my belt buckle.)

“Well, you can’t. It’s our first date.”

“I give amazing blow jobs – you must be mad. Anyway, you’re getting one on your Birthday.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Then a bit more kissing took place. Followed by me dropping her off and then getting completely lost on the way home (I’ve hinted about my embarrassing sense of direction before). I asked no less than three cab drivers where the fuck I should be going, and ended up getting home at gone 3am. And, needless to say, she (who I shall now call PTFE, which stands for personal trainer from Essex) is coming round for a "bite" on my Birthday.

Speaking of which, and mainly because I have Zooz and my sister coming round for a pre-Birthday dinner tomorrow, I’ve just taken my Birthday HNT photo. And I’ve managed to get my pubes in there again! Or my lack of pubes, to be more accurate. I’d hate to disappoint NML, after all.

Musical Monday

Well, it’s a grey, wet Bank Holiday Monday here in London. Just for a few days, I thought spring had finally sprung, but I guess I should have known better. But – weather-related depression aside – I actually could write about all sorts of things today… “The Date”, “My Pubes”, “Spurs’ Push For The Champions League”… I suspect that you can tell that the world of WDKY is an interesting one. But no… today is Monday, and that can only mean one thing!

My music collection is bigger than some, not as big as others (I said my music collection) – I think at the last count I had about 240 CD’s. A large proportion of it is female vocal of one type or another, but of all the women I listen to, one stands out like a Goddess amongst mortals. She’s a genius in her own right, as well as having had the honour of duetting with the likes of Tricky and Nick Cave, amongst others. I’m talking about the one… the only… P J Harvey.

Raised on a sheep farm in Yeovil, she was something of a child prodigy, and very quickly established herself as one of the most individual and influential songwriters of the '90s, exploring themes of sex, love, and religion with unnerving honesty, dark humor, and a twisted theatricality. And whilst her early albums received critical acclaim, her 1995 masterpiece “To Bring You My Love” became her mainstream critical breakthrough, confirming her status as one of the cornerstone figures of '90s alternative rock. It’s probably my favourite, although it really is a hard choice. And whilst today’s track, Send His Love To Me, is a brilliant example of her vocal power and songwriting skill, there are so many I could have chosen that I’m sure she’ll feature once or twice again.

Anyway, if you don’t know her, turn up the volume and enjoy. And if you do… turn up the volume and enjoy. Simple, really.



Okay, I couldn't help myself... wanna hear my baby really sing? Have some Long Snake Moan, and play it LOUD!



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Lets talk about me

Well, I’m very grateful, firstly, for the multitude of responses to my HNT post this week. It’s strange, isn’t it, how other people regard you as opposed to how you regard yourself? But one thing I’ve always liked about HNT is the wonderfully supportive and complimentary nature of the comments, so for a while I’ll just allow myself the luxury of feeling like a completely desirable luurrve machine. Thanks again.

I was asked a couple of times about the tattoo, so a few words of explanation. The Japanese character in the middle means “friend” and interestingly is the same in both Japanese and Chinese. Originally that’s all there was, but when I got used to seeing it on my arm I also realised that the guy who put it there for me had placed it too far to one side. The more I thought about it the more it bothered me, until in the end I had to go back for some remedial works. The outer image was one I designed myself. My intention was to make it tangibly Eastern in appearance, but I also wanted it in some way to resemble a question mark. Not an easy task, but at least I know it’s unique. As it happens, I think it might have been better to have left off the loopy bit at the bottom. I’m not sure... what do you reckon?

Whilst on the subject of moi, I thought I’d share some more pubic (yes, pubic) information with you. It seemed clear from the comments on my last pube-related HNT that trimmed is the preferred option, and I must confess that I’ve gone a bit mad. Most of it has gone (no, not all... just most) and I’m acutely aware that at some time soon it might get to see the light of day in its new look. I’m interested to see what reaction ensues, and you can be sure that I’ll keep you fully updated. I like to share these things, as you know.

Okay, I should start to get my day properly underway. I have my date tonight, and I’m quite excited. Zooz has given her complete approval, I might add, and she’s been somewhat less than sure of these things in the past (thanks Zooz). I’m off for a quick run now, but I’ll be visiting my Blogroll through the day, as and when I get a chance. It’s a long weekend again here in the UK – the last one until August, I think – and I hope everyone has a good one. Oh, and it’s my Birthday soon – very soon. In fact, next week it’ll be a Birthday HNT, and that’s going to take some thought!

PS - I'm a quick thinker. I know just what I'm going to do!

HNT 28: Look - no hands

I was looking out the window yesterday, and couldn't help but notice the posse of rather gorgeous Mums (that's mums as in "mothers", not flowers as a couple of people have asked - but note I didn't say "MILF's": Ed) that had for some reason formed a bit of a cluster at the end of my front garden. (Is "a cluster of Mums" right, do you think?) Now, I've always been a fairly altruistic kind of guy, and I decided that I had a fundamental obligation to brighten their day a little. And - being conscious of the fact that Thursday was fast approaching - I decided to kill two birds with one stone.

By the way, there's really no need to worry - I hung my jacket from the vital place so as not to give them too much of a shock. And then I yelled "Happy HNT" at the top of my voice. I'm waiting for the white van now...

More ramblings of a lunatic

As I sit and start to type this post, it’s 4.12 in the morning and, although I can see quite some distance in either direction from the office window, there are no other signs of life. It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? I should be in bed, asleep, but for some reason I’m restless (and, anyway, I’ve been dreaming a little too vividly during what sleep I did manage tonight).

Late night/early morning is a strange time for me, and one that I’m all too familiar with. I keep fairly nocturnal hours, especially these days when the necessity to be up at sparrow fart to attend a meeting about a meeting that somebody else has seen fit to enter into my electronic diary is no longer an issue. But the ability to determine one’s own destiny comes at a cost, and just at this moment that cost is peace of mind. So many things to think about, but no doubt all of them will take the same course whether I worry about them or not. I guess there’s no point worrying, then...

Yesterday evening I did something that’s very rare for me, and actually met another blogger who has been intriguing me with her writing for quite a while now. Holly proved herself to be exceptionally beautiful, and gifted with an intelligence that goes way beyond anything achievable through text books and academic study. We met in the rather funky Electric Brasserie in Notting Hill, and I think I’ll just say thank you for what turned out to be a really lovely time – good food, great conversation and fantastic company. Although the journey home, thanks to a sense of direction that can only be described as embarrassing - well, pathetic would also do nicely - was successfully completed more through luck than any kind of judgement on my part. I really have to invest in a decent Sat Nav system, because one day I’ll simply disappear from sight, destined to drive the streets of London on some never-ending quest to find home.

Anyway, it got me thinking (not unusually, I know) about life, love and everything. Not just because Holly is so gorgeous (okay, I’ll stop now) but also because I’m thinking a lot about being single at the moment, and what the alternatives to that state might actually be. I really have come to realise that it would be difficult for me to describe just what a relationship would look like any more, and it’s slightly disconcerting to arrive at that conclusion. And whilst I know just what advice I’d give someone else if we were having this conversation, somehow it doesn’t always seem particularly easy to follow that advice myself.

And then there’s Thursday-which-has-been-moved-to-Saturday, and a date with someone who really does seem rather nice. We talk every day on the telephone, and I think we’re both feeling that we just want the weekend to arrive as quickly as possible. And, whilst I seem unable to speak to her without an immediate physiological response that can only spell trouble, I do have a degree of optimism for some reason. We seem to be on the same wavelength, and hey – she’s a personal trainer. She can lick me into shape if anyone can, of that I have no doubt (ahem).

Right – it’s now some 30 minutes later than it was when I started this nonsense, so I’m going to post this and quickly surf the net for a photo of the Electric. Then it’s back to bed, because I suddenly feel like a couple of hours more sleep is beckoning. And that’s not something to turn your nose up at. Not at this time in the morning, even if the birds have just started their dawn chorus. Night night.

Musical Monday

When I was young - a teenager, I mean - there was only one band about whom opinion was completely united. I was lucky enough to see them play no less than three times when they were at their peak, and if you were to ask me if there is one band that I would simply say was the greatest ever, they would be it. I'm talking about Pink Floyd. The Floyd.

Following the release of the groundbreaking concept album Dark Side of The Moon in 1973, they achieved worlwide recognition, even managing 724 weeks in the top 200 in the US. But although it's a pretty tough call, I think their best album of all was Wish You were Here, with it's haunting tribute to founder-member Syd Barratt in Shine On You Crazy Diamond. The title track is possibly my favourite, but it's not an easy decision - I think that Shine On Pt 2 is just indescribable. So you've got them both for Musical Monday today. Take your pick, or - if you have quarter of an hour to spare - play them both, one after the other. You'll thank me if you do.

(Oh, and for those who don't know the album, the first of my tracks starts off a bit "tinny". Don't worry, it's meant to. And PLEASE try to listen to both... it's worth it!)




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How did that happen?

My God - it's Sunday? SUNDAY?! I'm bloody sure last time I looked it was Thursday. Well, anyway...

I've been busy. Yes, working - paid work, which means I have some income! After three months watching my bank balance dwindling to almost nothing, I'm actually working on two projects now. In fact, I was working most of the day yesterday, and will be working this afternoon and this evening too. This month and next month, in fact, will hit my targeted earnings, and if I hadn't been such a prat when I put my cash-flow forecast together (I actually believed I'd be up and running from day one) I'd actually be just about on track. Still, I guess I shouldn't complain...

The house is now back to normal, and I've been enjoying some quiet time whilst S and O are with their Mum. I hadn't realised how much I needed it, to be honest, and I'd almost forgotten how comfortable I am being on my own. No complications, and no-one to answer to. And it looks like a nice quiet week, although I should probably say that I do have plans for Tuesday, when I'll be meeting a fellow blogger for a drink and a bite to eat, somewhere in or around Notting Hill. (Oh yes, and I have a potential date on Thursday - she seems bloody lovely so the likelihood of me saying no is almost non-existant).

My almost unmanageable blogroll is winking at me, so through the day/evening I'll have a look and see what everyone's been up to. And if you have a minute have a read of extra*time - her blog is all gleaming and new, and I have to say that it's got off to a rather good start. Go on, leave her a comment...

Right. Better get going again... it's Musical Monday tomorrow, of course, and I've already drafted my post. This week it's something particularly significant to me, and takes me back about 25 years to my innocent youth. Those were the days - I'm a lot of things now, but innocent definitely isn't one of them!

Update:

I nicked this from somewhere else. It's a fine example of British humour, and probably illustrates why everyone else thinks we're mad.

Not-quite-HNT 27

No, there's no "normal" HNT this week. Or rather, there's no HNT of me. Actually, I was looking over the mobile (translation: cell) phone that I lent to E last night, and I thought I'd post some of the (strange/lovely) images I found on there before deleting them. Oh, and I've also been deleting about 40 text messages from GG that I accidentally left on the phone too, from a long time ago. Remember this, by any chance? The messages certainly gave the girls a laugh, even if I did shudder to myself once or twice at the memory!

Anyway, without further ado, I give you... (ahem) My Sproglets!

E - making a silly face, with Guiness, in Ye Olde Fighting Cocks



E - making an even sillier face, with same Guiness and in same pub



E - being whipped (yes, whipped) on the backside in my home office



E and O - two beautiful girls, together on the sofa






There you go, then... my gorgeous girls. And I guess that is HNT after all, isn't it? In which case, it just remains for me to wish you all a happy one in the normal fashion! Oh yes, and E got on the plane. SHE GOT ON THE PLANE!!!

I need a miracle

Well, what a mad, mad few days. My stress levels, unusually for me, have been right up there, and I’ve decided that I need a long weekend, somewhere hot, and I need it NOW!

So... E and her friend were supposed to have left on Monday morning... in fact, we all got up at 4am and I left them at the airport precisely as planned. Two hours later, as I was getting down to some emailing and generally planning a complete clean-up of what looked like hurricane wreckage, I heard the front door open and my daughter’s dulcet tones... “Dad... we’re home!”

She'd been turned away on the basis that the photocopy of her permanent residency card was insufficient, and the last 48 hours have been spent trying to organise getting her home. Her friend was packed off last night, and as I type this post E will be sitting in the reception of the US Embassy in London, hoping that they issue her with a transportation letter to enable her to get her (rescheduled) flight this evening. Aside from the fact that I’ve had her here for a couple more days - which has been great - the whole episode has cost me about £1200 in spending money, fees for rescheduled flights and the transportation letter, and lost work while I’ve run around London trying to look after them and get things organised. On top of that, I have major IT problems that are making any work I manage to do a complete pain in the arse.

Oh well... E should be back home just after lunch, fit to fly and ready to hop in a cab at 3.30 this afternoon. She’s now missing school, and whilst she’s coped reasonably well with all the stress I have a suspicion that the shit will hit the fan if things don’t go well this morning. And I’m going to try to get my laptop sorted out in the meantime. Somehow, I think I need a miracle, and miracles are in scarce supply in my experience!

Not a good week, then, although thankfully last weekend was different. I spent Saturday night with the “friend” I mentioned a while back, and managed to let off some CFG-induced steam with a rather fantastic night of carnal acrobatics. (I did warn Emerald Eyes that my problems on the romantic front were unlikely to keep me out of mischief, and as always I was as good as my word!)

Oh, and thanks, incidentally, for all the comments on my Musical Monday post and to anyone who joined the fun on their own blogs. I was just a bit too sidetracked to respond to the comments, but they were much appreciated. I already have next week's selection organised... a little more mainstream, perhaps, but phenomenal nonetheless. I can't wait!

Musical Monday

Well, I hope everyone has had a lovely, chocolatey Easter. It's not the best day for me today, because by the time most people are having breakfast over here my daughter will be over the Atlantic, and on her way back to Long Island... but what a beautiful girl. And how amazing that our relationship has turned out as it has - spending time with her was really too good to be true, and she's already planning her next trip over.

I may write something tomorrow on the subject, but right now I'm going to introduce the latest in the craze that's sweeping all before it in the Blogosphere. Yes, it's time for another musical extravaganza.

And, to suit my mood, I'm going back to Bristol this week, and to the pioneers of the trip-hop movement. Portishead were the most unconventional "band" of the 90s - a shyness of gigs, long distance recording techniques and intense emotion all played a part in creating some of the most beautiful and ethereal music of that time. Their first album was called Dummy, and for a while not long ago I was playing the video to a track called Glory Box here on my blog. I would have chosen that one for today, but to avoid repeating myself I've gone instead for the rather beautiful Roads. I hope you like it.



But this is no ordinary Musical Monday, because this week I've had a special request from Fame, my friend who today will be undergoing some surgery and all being well will be recovering at home by this evening. Anyway, Fame asked me if I could post her all-time favourite track for her today, and under the circumstances it really is a pleasure. So on her behalf here's The Moody Blues and Knights in White Satin... get well soon, darling x

It's gonna be a...

Good Friday. Don’t you think?

Well, lots of stuff to get through, and I’ll start with my pubes. Trimming, it seems, is the runaway winner in the Reader’s Choice Pube Poll. (And no, I’m not ginger – it was the lighting!) So, my weekly grooming routine will now include a snip or two down south, even though I had the snip down south a long, long time ago. Thanks very much if you participated in the fun :-)

I’m very surprised that no-one commented on the fact that that we’ve been redecorating in here. Surely you’ve noticed the rather gorgeous greeny-blue background with carefully colour-coordinated links and other accessories? I like it, and it’s going to stay this way for some time. God, I remember the days when I used to change my template once a week... the sign of a restless spirit? Hmmm.

The girls (E and her friend) will be leaving very, very early on Monday morning. It’s been like a breathe of fresh air having them here, and I’ve loved every single second. I’m going to miss them terribly, even though they’re camped out in my bedroom, I can’t get near the shower, they’ve eaten me out of house and home and they keep some very strange hours. I’m already feeling sick thinking about them going, actually. Oh well...

I suppose that just leaves my very special Easter greeting to everyone, even though I’m starting off the holiday by working today!!! Still, I get paid by the day so I shouldn’t really complain. And it’s taken three months to start any paid work whatsoever, and I was really beginning to get a little nervous! Anyway, I’ll take a tour of my Blogroll when I get back, and in the meantime I’d like to wish you all a fantastic, happy, healthy and (if possible) sex-filled Easter. NML, the pubes are in the post.

HNT 26 - Reader's Choice

Well, following last week's rather brave - or do I mean stupid - decision to show my boat race, I've decided that for this week's offering I'm going back down south. Now, I would like to point out that there's absolutely nothing gratuitous about this - in fact it's more a case of being responsive to my readers' veiws. Because I couldn't help but notice that the phrase "pubic jungle" appeared more than once in the comments to my Jeans Series of Very Artistic Soft Porn Photos. (Yes, I'm talking about you, NYM, NML, Sirreene... I hope you're all ashamed of yourselves.)

So, I set to work with my Depilady... errrr, I mean my Remington professional hair trimming kit, and the rather tasty result appears below. So... you tell me. Trimmed, or au natural? It's a kind of Reader's Choice.

Oh, and Happy HNT!

Girl stuff

Well, the girls are well and truly here. It’s really turning out to be quite an experience, and one that I’m really enjoying... they’re just typical NY teenagers, and it’s as if the house has been completely taken over. I went to have a shower a while ago, and I could barely open the cubicle door for all the shampoos, conditioners, body creams, moisturisers and other girly things that are nicely lined up all around the edge of the tray. All I hear throughout the day is singing and laughing, and we all seem to be getting on so well that it feels like I’ve got friends staying over.

And E is absolutely gorgeous. In fact, there’s no strangeness at all, and it’s as if we hadn’t been separated by over 3,000 miles for all these years. It’s much, much better than I could ever have hoped, and the only damper has been the fact that she didn’t listen to me when the two of them went out last night. I distinctly remember saying “Now E, watch your bag and don’t carry too much cash with you...” but of course she wasn’t really listening. Anyway, they went into central London and somewhere/sometime she had her purse lifted from her bag, and ALL her money – about £500 – went with it. And all her ID and other stuff that she needs as soon as she gets back, including her permanent residency papers. Oh well, girls will be girls...

The situation with CFG is finally resolved. She didn’t quite seem to understand that I was just not happy with what happened, and eventually I wrote her an email. I won’t print it all, but the important bit was this...

...This email could be a very long one, and it would explain a lot of things... how I feel about you, what I thought about the other weekend, etc etc. But, in reality, I'm not sure that it's a particularly good idea for me to do that. There's a phrase in England that we use sometimes - we say "red flags", and I guess red flags are just... well, warning signs. The easiest way for me to put this is that I just see too many red flags. I've had, in some ways, a difficult couple of years, and my life now is centered around simplicity and clarity. Particularly now, when there are things that I really need to focus on, it's important to me that I don't lose sight of that, and I'm therefore going to say to you (very reluctantly) that we shouldn't see each other again...

Well, she called a few times, and was insisting that we get together to talk things through. Then, just as I was beginning to soften, I received a text… not a very long one, but long enough to get her point across.

Your English red flags are bullshit. I’ve changed my mind.

Thereby ends yet another dating story. I’m sure, though, that there’ll be more to follow, so stay tuned.

Update: The girls have just demanded dinner. They got up at 4pm and this will be the third time they've eaten... it's now 7.52pm!!! This can't be normal, can it?

Musical Monday

Well, my daughter E (as opposed to O, who’s also my daughter, hence the confusion in my last post!) has arrived, armed with her friend, and a rather large amount of luggage including one case full of shoes! She hurled herself into my arms at the airport, and I have to say that it’s just lovely to have her here. Whether I’m still saying that after 10 days remains to be seen, mind you, as there’s going to be an unusually large amount of oestrogen at Chez WDKY and it’ll no doubt be a test of fortitude for me and S. I think we’ll make it, though.

More on that later, and also a bit of an update on CFG to follow… for now, though, it’s Monday, and in these here parts that can only mean one thing.


My MM choice this week is from the other side of the water, and someone who I first heard by accident when I wandered into a record store about 20 years ago. I stood, transfixed, as I listened to a voice that sent shivers up my spine, and waited patiently until the album had finished so I could buy it – the only copy they had in stock at the time. It was Tom Waits, and I quote…

Lyrically, Waits' songs are known for atmospheric portrayals of bizarre, seedy characters and places, although he has also shown a penchant for more conventional and touching ballads. He has a cult following and has influenced subsequent songwriters, despite having little radio or music video support. His songs are best known to the general public in the form of cover versions by more visible artists, such as Eagles, The Ramones, Bruce Springsteen, and Rod Stewart. Although Waits' albums have met with mixed commercial success in his native United States, they have occasionally achieved gold album sales status in other countries.

So… if you haven’t heard “Blue Valentines” before, I suggest that you pour yourself a drink, make yourself comfortable, and then just close your eyes and listen. It really is a beautiful song, from a beautiful album.

Children, children everywhere

Well, A went back the the States yesterday. I dropped him off at the airport and we hugged as we said our goodbyes. And the funny thing is, whilst both of us had had just a little bit of apprehension regarding how we'd get on after not seeing each other for quite a while, we had a really good time. And although he's a typical adolescent in some ways, he's also quiet, considerate and thoughtful.

We hung out together sometimes, but he also did his own thing, going off into Soho, Covent Garden, Camden Town and various other places a little less off the tourist path but more indicative of the real London. He hooked up with a variety of girls over here, but really it was the one girl, his girl in New York, who was on his mind. She had no idea he was going back to her, and I imagine they had something of a reunion last night. In fact, as I write this post, they're probably still reunioning!!

I was sitting down last night, half watching the TV and thinking that the house was rather quiet, when the phone rang. It was E (yes, I did originally put "O" - I got confused, okay??), my daughter in NYC, and she had some news for me. Nothing particularly important - just the fact that she'll be arriving at Heathrow, with a friend, at 9.30 this morning! She's coming over for a holiday, and they'll both be staying with me for ten days. Can you believe that?

So today I'm going to be a bit tied up, although I will get around my blogroll later this evening, I promise. Actually, I'm still getting over the shock of posting my face for HNT - thanks for all the nice comments, but I just can't quite get used to the fact that I did it. I must be completely mad, mustn't I?

HNT 25

Things have bee slightly manic at Chez WDKY this week, and I really haven't had time to get the camera out for this week's fun. But I did find a rather cool site, and I have a feeling that it's going to receive some hits soon ;-)

Anyway, as something altogether different from the Jeans Series, I give you... "Pieces of Me" (and no, I had no idea whatsoever that you could move the pieces around, so there goes what was left of my anonymity! Duh...)


Happy HNT

That night

Well, I guess I’ve been putting this off for a while, but I did say that I’d offer some kind of clarification of my earlier comments about CFG and I’m nothing if not a man who keeps my word. So, embarrassing though it all is, let’s take a step back in time...

To Saturday night, in fact. CFG had gone to a work party (she’s a teacher in a French School in London) and she texted me at around 9 o’clock to say she was in a pub around the corner from me, having a drink with a friend. We’d kind of arranged that she was going to come over to me later in the evening, so she suggested that I join them for a drink. The pub was a pretty grotty one, but her friend was nice (another French woman) and they were showing Barcelona v Real Madrid on the big screen!! CFG was quiet, but then she’s always quiet, so that didn’t ring any alarm bells. She and I stayed for a while after her friend left, and then we headed back to my house.

She was clearly unhappy about something, but I should say that communication between us is sometimes a little strange, although not strained. Her English isn’t actually that wonderful, and coupled with that she seems to like to send thought messages through intense looks and long stares. There were more stares than normal, though, and it was beginning to make me feel very slightly edgy. Regardless of that, at some point we ended up going to bed, after which began a long and rather amusing process whereby CFG removed one article of clothing at a time before hurling it across the room, almost in disgust, and then waiting a while to determine the next item that was going to receive similar treatment. I must admit, I was beginning to think I was in some kind of surrealist movie.

I won’t talk about the sex itself, save to say that she was clearly not comfortable. I was aware of it, and trying to do whatever I could to make it "easier" whilst also thinking that we were going to have to stop and just take a step back...but I was still completely unprepared for what was almost like an attack of Teretts - she would suddenly but repeatedly start to shake involuntarily, and very quickly I realised something was actually quite wrong. I know shaking with passion when I see it, and trust me when I say that this wasn’t it. Of course, whatever else was going on at the time stopped and I tried my best to just comfort her in some way, and before long we both drifted off to sleep.

I was vaguely aware that, throughout the night, she was in and out of bed, up and down the stairs... in fact, I found out in the morning that she spent pretty much the entire night sitting on the sofa downstairs, staring into space. And this was how I found her when I got up in the morning, and how she remained for the best part of two hours until I took her back to her friends house. When I tried to talk to her she just looked at me and responded by saying “I can’t... I’m closed” which I have to admit was kind of unhelpful. And she got out the car saying “see you soon... maybe?”

Since then, I’ve received a fairly meaningless text and an email, to which I haven’t yet replied...

Hmmmm... For me, it's like being pulled in one way and after another... my balloon is in a storm! Same thing with the decision I need to make... I decide for one... change my mind and go on the completely other direction....both seems right... HELP! I will be working very late also... We have a French inspector at school... and I'm late with my work... after, I need to try to make my "future" clearer... I will try meditation, but I'm not sure about it. LOL. Anyway... have a safe trip tomorrow...talk to you soon...??????

Aside from asking myself why every woman I get involved with writes their emails this way (what happened to sentences?) I’m also asking myself if I want to get into a situation which I just know is going to be emotionally draining, only to find that it has a finite life (of not very long) anyway, and that after all the angst that will inevitably come my way she’s going to just take herself off to France. I’d have to be mad, wouldn’t I? And that’s where we are now… I’m just thinking about how I respond, and wishing that none of this had ever started.

There… now you know! And I must admit, I'm thinking that there must be something about me that continuously attracts unstable women. God, for some normality in my life!

Musical Monday

Wasn't there a film where somebody said "I have so much to tell you..."?

Well, I do, actually, although there's another film quote that might be more appropriate... I think it was "Just when you though it was safe to get back in the water"! Because this weekend I learnt that I am, without doubt, a Psycho Magnet. And I have a suspicion that this time it's going to be one of the few occasions where I actually look out for myself and just walk away. I'll endeavour to explain what I mean in my next post, but suffice it to say that my last words to CFG on Sunday morning were these:

Sometimes, long, meaningful looks just aren't enough. You actually have to communicate without assuming I'm telepathic.

Anyway, enough of that for now, because you know what day it is.


I'm continuing my Bristol theme today, with a classic track from Massive Attack - Teardrop. I'm not sure how big they are in the States, but if you can catch a listen, I'd do so. For now, enjoy this one... oh, and you can do me a big favour if you like, and put the MM button in your sidebar - just click on the image and it'll take you to the original post where you'll find the HTML script.

You've got to love them

The holidays are slightly different over here in the UK, but my kid's school broke up for Easter yesterday, and they're now off until 19th April (I think!). O had been away all week on an annual trip to an adventure park in Norfolk for the Year 6's, but S had some excitement of a different kind... the school play. This year, it was David and Goliath, and S was playing in Israelite soldier, resplendant in armour, sword and fake beard. He couldn't take his eyes from the camera, but I can confirm that he gets his cheeky grin from his father. (You'd never guess from the colour of him that my ex is half-Pakistani, would you? Ed)

(This is an improvement on previous years, when - mid-play - he'd walk to the front of the stage and blow me a kiss, much to my embarressment and everyone else's amusement. Although I loved it really!)



It's been a strange week, but this evening all three children will be causing their chaos elsewhere, O and S with their Mum and A with the 21 year-old daughter of a friend, who he seems to have taken a shine to. And guess who's coming round to play with me?

I saw CFG on Thursday night, and things just seem to be getting better. Although I did find out about the whole France issue, which has come about because her teaching contract un the UK comes to an end in September. It seems she has three options:

1. Go back to France where she's been offered an incredible job helping to start up a new language school.
2. Go to Singapore for an equally incredible job, where she'll be close to her son's father. Although this would purely be for her son, not for her.
   
3. Stay in the UK, where... what? She and I have been together for a couple of weeks, so however we may feel it would be madness to base a decision on... us. She'd also have to find work, which in her field isn't particularly easy.

So, perfect though it seems at the moment, it can only be the calm before the storm. If I had any sense, I'd just accept the inevitable and stop things between us now, but I'm not entirely sure if I can.

Which seems to be the story of my life.

HNT 24 - 3rd of 3

"No. 3 in a series of 3 - Jeans"

I must admit, I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do for the end of the jeans series. I knew I wasn't going to give anyone a "cock shot", of course (come on, did you really expect me to?). So, I had a think, and first of all, came up with this.


Well, it's okay... but I can't say I was particularly happy with it. And then I thought "What about a 2 for the price of one"? So, off came the Levis, and out came the camera. Again.

Thanks, everyone, for stickling with it, and I hope this finale hasn't been too much of a disappopintment. I must admit, it's been fun for me!

Happy HNT