So... five years today. I can hardly believe it as I write those words but there it is.
I just read our mails again, and the letter you hastily wrote by hand as the parcel guys waited impatiently for you to finish (and yes, Ganesh still sits on my shelf, keeping an eye on the path ahead). And I must be honest - yet again, I shed some tears for you. Well, in a way they were for me because I know that wherever you are you'll be filling all around you with joy.
Just like you filled me with joy, Anu, for which I thank you.
Edit: It occurred to me after I posted this that all those wonderful comments that were left after Anu's passing have gone forever. Luckily, they were included in the letter that I subsequently posted to her parents, and I've reproduced them as comments to/on this post as I believe them to be a more fitting memorial than my words alone:
5 comments:
well said T. anu you will be greatly missed.you are so inspiring,loving,compassionate and have amazing strength. i will always feel your presence.you touched me in such a beautiful way.good night beautiful anu i ll see you in the morning sunlight.
J 21.01.07 - 9:03 am
I've read Anu's blogs and studied her photo. I also remember her thoughtful comments on your posts. What a beautiful, talented, brave, inspiring individual. I wish I'd known her. I'm sorry you, and all the many people Anu must have been special to, have lost her.
Lelly 13.01.07 - 2:30 pm
I am so sad today to have learned of Anu's passing. Her blog inspired me, her optimism moved me. I was able to have two messenger conversations with her and they were truly special.
I was glad to have run into you, Anu.
openeyes 05.01.07 - 12:44 am
Im so sorry to hear about Anu. One of my friends knew her. She sounds like a great and loving soul.
RIP Anu! Im sorry I never got to talk to u before u left. I hope ro meet u some day...till then fly with the angels and keep smiling!
Keshi 04.01.07 - 5:31 am
i'm sorry,..
i can't...
there are no words that fit this...
no matter how many times it happens..
we take comfort in the lessons left behind,..
the biggest one being that it is our lessons we leave behind.
blessed to have been touched indeed....
heather 27.12.06 - 7:06 pm
I was hoping, praying even (and I'm not a praying man) that what I'd been reading about our friend was just a nasty little rumor. I'm shaken and deeply saddened at losing our beloved Anu, even though we never met outside of the internet. Please convey to her parents what a wonderful person she was, and how deeply she touched so many people with her writing and with her presence.
from my post on Tengu House:
See, Anu had been dealt a difficult hand. She suffered from accute kidney failure, and underwent constant dialysis. But kidney failure and her resulting frailty didn't stop Anu. She took classes in aikido - she'd just tested for her 5th kyu - and she worked very hard at her job, posting snippets of uplifting poetry and other bits as she went along. She had an amazing gift for compassion, and often posted about the beauty she'd found in the face of a homeless street child, or the smile of some fellow bed-ridden hospital patient.
Although we never met other than in the blogosphere, and we were in fact on other sides of the world, I've considered Anu a friend since the first time I read her blog entries. The last time we spoke was 18 November.
Word is going round now that Little Miss Anu was killed in a car accident in Mumbai on either 10 or 12 December.
Listen.
Be mindful of your friends, and thankful for every moment. Do what you can to live happily, and to bring that happiness to others. And when your time with them is over, live with a sense of remembrance for who they were. I'm deeply honored to have been one of Anu's friends for that brief time.
scruff (Jerry) 26.12.06 - 6:26 pm
I'll miss her humor. I'll miss picking virtual flowers with her. She was devoted to you T. Very much so and you were both very lucky to have found one another in this cyberworld.
This came as quite a shock as I was taking Josh home from the hospital from his motorcycle accident on the very day that Anu had her accident.
I'm so sorry T, I know this must be tearing you up inside. She will be missed terribly.
Much love to her family, I hope they will see how many people she touched and how very loved she was by people all over the world.
~T
Tricia 25.12.06 - 11:02 pm
I had the privilege of reading Anu's blog for some time since I saw her sweet words in your comment box.
She appeared to be a wonderful, caring, genuinely sweet woman who made the world a better place just by being in it.
My thoughts and love go out to her family, friends and to all those who knew and loved her - in whatever way that was.
May she rest in peace and know happiness in heaven.
xox
Saffyre 24.12.06 - 11:22 pm
My husband and I had the privilege of knowing Anu thru her blog, and I have also posted a memorial to her on my own journal. I find myself filled with incredible and unfathomable sadness at the news of her passing.
In some small way tho, I am comforted that there is someone, you, who will be able to convey to Anu's parents the thoughts, feelings and prayers of all those from this virtual world who were touched by their daughter's spirit. I'm sure they have no idea just how many of us loved her and who will truly mourn her loss.
I'd like to extend my personal thanks to you for taking on that difficult role, and I also extend to you my most heartfelt sympathy. It's abundantly clear to me and others just how much you cared for her.
With love and blessings,
nina aoki-berard
jeff berard
Boston, Massachusetts
nina 23.12.06 - 7:11 am
OH my heart weeps with my soul for you Anu...
Many times I'd read your words and feel the emotions from you...always poignant...always more than just a facade..
To say you're missed is a strong understatement of the emptiness.
To your parents...
The soul she shared with us was something reflective of her upbringing... While bearing this pain, feel pride in your hands having helped shaped this beautiful person we've all come to love.
Blondie 23.12.06 - 6:51 am
Anu, your soul is filled with love... I shall miss you so. Much love, Yemanja
Yemanja 22.12.06 - 9:16 pm
My heart goes out to Anu's family and her friends. I can only begin to imagine the terrible loss they must be feeling. I hope they find peace and comfort.
I didn't know Anu, and only today I have read her blog for the first time. Her words are so very beautiful. I will visit again.
Cosima 22.12.06 - 2:09 pm
That's really awful and I'm sorry for your loss. Take care and I will say a prayer for her x
NML 22.12.06 - 10:34 am
Tony sweetheart,
I went to a Hindu temple last night and today....I said a prayer for Anu at both places.
This I have done for you, and for her, because I know you loved her so.
Take care my sweet friend.
Susie 22.12.06 - 7:01 am
I read Anu's poetry and a few of her posts today for the first time.
Her writing is amazing, open and honest. I feel honored to read her words.
I wish her family and friends peace and comfort.
M 22.12.06 - 1:39 am
how did you get to know that she is no more with us ?? What had happened ?? Do you have photograph of her which you could share with me ? I was the anon in her last post who said, take my kidney whenever you need it.
arjun 22.12.06 - 1:25 am
I only knew Anu through your blog, T, and I know she was very special to you. I am so so sorry.
Rest dear Anu
Peace, my brother.
Susie 21.12.06 - 10:51 am
I have no words for this. I'm sorry
Jay 20.12.06 - 9:42 pm
I am truly sorry for the loss of your dear friend.
~xo
Lee Ann 20.12.06 - 8:38 pm
I just found Anu's blog today courtesy of Os but I wanted to leave a few words as well. Just from what I've read of her today, she seemed like a One-of-a-kind person.... It's hard to find people anymore who can love what life gives them regardless of everything else. That's a gift that she was very lucky to possess.... There’s no doubt in my mind that this world will miss out greatly without her. I'm sorry for your grief T, you're a good friend.
Robyn 20.12.06 - 1:44 pm
I wish I had something substantial to say - but I didn't know her at all except for her posts here. She always seemed extremely caring, affectionate and sweet though. This is a real tragedy.
mez 20.12.06 - 9:51 am
I had seen Anu's name many, many times on my travels, yet had never visited her site. Having been there now, as I know many more have since hearing this terrible news, what strikes me the most is how very full her life was. How she lived for, and appreciated, every single second. How she saw love and beauty in everything around her. How she touched so many people with her wisdom and her words. How she knew in her own heart that she was a very special part of this universe. And that is what she will always continue to be. Her memory will live on in all who know her, and she will continue to touch so many more people, even in her passing, through the wonderful things she has said and shared. Just as the wind sweeps through the world, Anu's voice will continue to sweep through THIS world. She was, and will continue to be, a lesson to us all. x
Hugs to you T. x
miss understood 20.12.06 - 6:07 am
And to you T.
binsk 20.12.06 - 3:42 am
I am so sorry. I have been reading her blog since I heard of her on Osbasso's blog today. She is truly inspiring. I will continue to read it.
My thoughts and prayers go out to her family.
binsk 20.12.06 - 3:41 am
I found out from Os and checked out her blog. Dang! That's all I can say. You were lucky to have crossed her path, I am lucky to have done so through these unfortunate circumstances. These special souls remind us (and we do need to be reminded) that this is a gift we have... this thing called life. Appreciating and loving it is her legacy.
lecram 20.12.06 - 2:50 am
A comment from Anu was like receiving a splendid gift. Her soft and gentle kindness shone through in her words and the thoughts she shared. Her search for health, centre and happiness touched so many people. Her optimism and steadfast beliefs that love and inner peace will carry us all forward brings me comfort now as I've learned of her death.
Thank you, Dos, for allowing us this space and for your promise to let her family know just how admired, respected, treasured and appreciated their beautiful daughter was by so many of us. Anu's passing will leave a void as her gentle voice will no longer be here fill our hearts with her special and unique wisdom.
Good-bye Anu.
CeeCi 20.12.06 - 2:02 am
her comments on this blog were always touched with humanity -
zooz 19.12.06 - 10:37 pm
oh babe i'm so sorry.
i didn't know anu except through what i saw here in your comments. but each one of those was thoughtful, inspiring and touching.
she always seemed to really feel you and care deeply about your life. always positive and spiritual.
she was an amazing and beautiful woman.
what terrible sad news.
take care honey. and big hugs to you through the ether.
keda 19.12.06 - 8:27 pm
To my dear Anu, my angel in the sky.
You touched me in so many ways it is beyond description. I cannot tell you enough that never before have I felt so much love for someone whom I have never even met.
You touched me in so many ways. In your writing, in your IM's to me, in your spiritual happiness.
When I was feeling so, so down one Sunday morning, and we were IM'ing, you knew I was in pain. So you took the initiative to find my cell number and call me.
You were amazing.
Such a clever woman, to spread sunshine to me all the way from India.
To hear an angel speak to me all the way from India and speak in the most wonderful voice.
It was one of the most precious moments of my life.
You are one of my most amazing people I know.
I will see you again.I promise you.
e.e. 19.12.06 - 6:26 pm
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