Tuesday, January 10, 2006

No going back

It always seems to be the way… that, for some unknown reason, a set of circumstances will transpire to occur together, or a number of unrelated events will suddenly all fall into place and get you thinking that there is such a thing as divine intervention after all. Coincidence, or fate?

Well, to a lesser extent, I was only recently reading another lovely post from KD about what (for me, at least) is an almost constant conflict between heart and head, between instinct and reason. My life has certainly been interesting, but whether anyone would – with the benefit of hindsight – say that I’ve always acted rationally is another matter. But I’ll always be a person who responds to feelings… it’s the way I want to be, and I’m quite prepared to suffer whatever consequences come my way. It’s important to be true to yourself.

So, an email from C arrived early this morning, in response to mine sent just before I went to bed last night. I wasn’t pushy, and I didn’t ask anything particularly profound. I just wanted to know where we stood, and whether there was any kind of parity between what we were feeling for, or about, each other. Well, it seems that I should have paid more heed to what I knew all along, if I’m honest… try as you might, you can’t go back. There was a moment, all those months ago, when something special happened. But through accident or design it was only a moment. A snapshot in time, since which so much has happened and so much has changed. And what she wants to do now is to apply reason to something that I want to be instinctive. To be careful, to be measured… to follow her head. What I wanted was to follow my heart.

I’ll let her know how I feel later this evening, and then retreat to momentarily lick my wounds. There are some good things to come out of today, though… the Boss suit looked wicked, and my new keyboard got fitted to my laptop. Oh, and I think I’m in with a shout for the project I’m after. All in all, then, not such a bad day. And hey, if relationships were easy there’d be fuck all to blog about.


el Jacek said...

There would always be politics WDKY. But who cares about that right? Dont stres, dont fret, if we were meant to be rational beings we wouldnt do all the stupid crap we do on a daily basis, as for the realtionship. Looks to me like things are rolling along in the right direction life wise for you, and as these things tend to go, they tend to go clumped together. I'm sure everything will work out for the best. And like some guy once said in 1989 Don't worry, be happy :)_

trouble said...

yes, I am a tard. See above. Pay no heed to anything I say.

wdky said...

EJ - you're okay. Thanks.

Trouble, you always talk sense. I thought that was from you, despite the "codified" ID ;-)

Blondie said...


But you did give it a chance...that is really what matters. I agree about blogging & relationships...lol I'd have NOTHING to blog about if I lived the story book life. ;)
I'm glad the meeting went great and hey, let me be the judge of your looking hot in your suit... Just email them. I might do the whole quid pro quo thing. *wicked smile*

K.D. Morgan said...

There's got to be a compromise between the heart and head - the trick is finding (and then understanding) it.

unforgiving bitch said...

You're right, if relationships were easy, there'd be absolutely nothing to blog about. In fact, I bet my life would be rather dull. It's the ups and downs of relationships that keep us challenged and God knows I love a good challenge sometimes. It seems like you're all ready for yours that lie ahead.

Nancy said...

I always consider things a learning experience. Sometimes I impress myself, other times I realize there are just some things I need to improve on.
When you look back on those "snapshot" moments... remember what it was about them you enjoyed, or chose to remember... then figure out what it is you want to learn from them. If relationships were all butterflies and rainbows... like everyone has said... it just wouldn't make sense! Good luck suga!
The future looks bright for you!

zoozan said...

onwards and upwards :-)

New York Moments said...

I'm glad the meeting went well. Hey--let's face it...you're getting your company off the ground. The last thing you need is to be tangled in something difficult. And if there's anything that I've learned, if you're not on the right track, fate will intervene to put you right again (whether you know it or not).

Lee Ann said...

I live by emotions too. I can't help it, it is just the way it is.
It is not always a bad thing, it can be wonderful.
You sound like a wonderful person.

trouble said...

by the way, WDKY,

on the subject of serendipity, that is precisely how I have felt since the separation started...that everything I needed was there before me, or came into my life right when I needed it, or was already inside me.

So, yeah...I know exactly what you are talking about. It seems random but it's not, or it seems not-random but is. I don't know which, I just know I've had what I needed all along the path.

hamrose said...

Relationships. Yeah, you could blog until the end of time about that stuff - don't I know it.....well, glad you looked natty...and glad ya didn't stone yerself silly on the pain killers! LOL

Professor Fate said...

Hey, babe
You took a walk on the wild side.
[And the coloured girls went

Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo]

And you asked a question to which you didn't know the answer

And you knew what you wanted
[You can't always get what you want]
Maybe you'll get what you need.
Maybe the new gig is what you need.

Caterpillar said...

Good post, darling. Serendipity - I believe in it completely. And I know we have to have a balance between following our head and heart, but I'm like you and the feelings tend to rule. Which I actually think is a good thing.

NML said...

The conflict of heart and head is never easy particularly when the conflict is with two people as opposed to your own head and heart being in conflict. It's sods law that she wants to be measured whilst you want to throw caution to the wind. Fortunately you've lots of great things going on in your life to focus on. Onwards and upwards as Zooz said x

wdky said...

Guys, thank you all for the above comments, which are - as always - appreciated. Prof, I'm particularly honoured that you rewrote the song on my behalf. I like it!

networkchic said...

You are very correct, you can't go back. We try so often to recapture something, some piece or fragment of time that made us feel something special but we rarely achieve to capture it again. Life plays little tricks with our head like this...but I have to believe it all happens for a reason. :-)