Sunday, January 15, 2006

Thinking aloud

Last night I made no plans whatsoever. This is relatively rare on a Saturday night, but as I’m completely uninvolved romantically at the moment, and the children were with their mother, I decided to take a bit of a break from the world at large and just lose myself in the oasis that I call home.

Over the last few days, I’ve found myself going through one of my introspective phases, and by early evening, as dusk settled and thoughts turned to cooking, I was pleased to be alone. I checked what movies were playing on Sky and was absolutely delighted to see that Roman Polanski’s “The Tenant” was due to start at ten o’clock. Now, The Tenant is definitely a flawed work, with scenes held slightly too long, a plot that sometimes seems too predictable, and acting that – even with co-stars like Shelley Winters, Isabelle Adjani and Melvyn Douglas – leaves something to be desired.

But I love the kind of moody, slightly threatening atmosphere the movie creates, and Polanski’s playing of the lead role, a timid Polish immigrant trying to start a new life in Paris, is fascinating. For some reason, the film reminds me of one of my favourite novels, The Insult (written by Rupert Thomson). It could almost be a parallel universe, set anywhere, at any time. It doesn’t seem to matter.

Anyway, the reason for this rambling critique is that everything was, in a sense, perfect last night and I ended up in that place, mentally, that enables a kind of “absolute” clarity of thought. I don’t really know a better way to phrase it, but it was one of those times when there was a certain transparency to my life. The good and the bad, the positive and the negative. Yin and yang.

I’m sure that the key to being happy is acceptance. Acceptance of the past, and acceptance that we can’t manipulate the future. I suppose it sounds like I’m stating the obvious, but sometimes its nice just to think aloud.

34 comments:

anu said...

Sometimes the obvious is not so visible wdky. I felt so calm and relaxed reading your post. Children are like that...they dont need anyone / anything to be happy, they are naturally in a state of bliss..and i felt you reached out to your child yesterday. The little kid cooked, saw a nice movie..inspiring..thanks

Caterpillar said...

I agree completely with Anu. I feel very calm right now. And the acceptance thing - I don't think it's so obvious at all, so you've pointed out something really important. And I actually wrote what you said down on my list of favorite quotes - you might be famous on my wall soon!

el Jacek said...

ok, im actually going to disagree with you here. By saying that you cannot manilpulate the future, you are inherently removing any self control over life and allowing outside forces to pull and tug on you any way they wish, think of a piece of driftwood in the middle of the ocean being carried by one current or another. I however wholeheartedly disagree with this perception, and believe that one has the unconditional ability to fashion his or her own life in any way he or she choses. Given the pulling forces are still there and oftenplace influence our decisions, but it it undoubtedly we who make them.

On the other hand I agree with you on your assessment of Polanski's work. :)

wdky said...

Anu, maybe not, and thank you. I like the child analogy very much.

Cat - I feel privileged! Which wall is it?

EJ - maybe I should clarify what I meant. We are, indeed, entirely responsible for our own actions and behaviours. And what we do has an impact on what goes on around us. That said, we're surrounded by things which we can't influence in any way, and a future that's largely indeterminable. How many times have you thought you had a long term plan, only to find that reality takes a different path? Anyway, it was just a thought...

anu said...

I like what you said about acceptane wdky.

Sometimes to change the future, we have to accept the present...as it is..stand where we are and start from there..once again...with what we have.

I believe wdky
there is no future to control,
we actually live only
in one moment in time
at any time in our life
and that is the present :>)
which you so beautifully accepted yesterday.

K.D. Morgan said...

Sometimes when we just are is when we find ourselves the happiest.

wdky said...

Anu - yes, I like that. I'm a firm believer in the present.

KD, I'm not even sure that I was talking about happiness. More about being at peace.

NML said...

Chilling on your own can feel so good. I have had a lot of clarity recently and it's good because that yin yang gives you the opportunity to look at things objectively.

Sher said...

I definitely need to be in your realm.
I am no where near that space yet.

wdky said...

NML - true indeed. Glad you've hit the spot too x

Sher, if I could have you in my realm I'd be a hppy man indeed ;-)

wdky said...

Errr, that was "happy". Not hippy, or hoppy for that matter..

Scarlet Pussy said...

I need to have me one of those nights. It's been way to long.

blueprincesa said...

I agree wholeheartedly with everything you just wrote, except about the movie, because I haven't seen it. But it sounds interesting. Time alone is good.

el Jacek said...

like when I thought I was going to go get my MBA in California and now I'm (hopefully) setting sail for Barcelona to be with a girl I've probably been destoned to wind up with, who wants to be with me, but being that visa regualations are still in place she cant. Is that what you mean ;)

... thanks for the clarification, I agree with you completely, about Polanski and that other thing :)

wdky said...

Hey Scarlet... you're welcome to come share one with me. Any time.

Blue, if you get a chance, see the movie. The acting's awful, though.

EJ - buena suerte en Barcelona!!!

Scarlet Pussy said...

Thank you "again"

lee ann said...

Sometimes it is just what one needs, time alone. It is great when all things balance out.

Blondie said...

Finding that solitary peace is something I crave. I know what you mean. In fact, tis why my sproglet is with his grandmother for a few days. I have to find the me that I hide from. Thank you babe for such a nice post. I am like Blue...Never saw the movie, can't agree. I hope that calm and acceptance is a good omen for the weeks to come T.

xx

kimberly said...

you've created a beautiful tranquility with this post, your conclusion sounds like the essence of zen. i love moments like this.
also, coming to your blog---the way it is designed with the photo and peaceful black & gray---i feel like i'm walking into a really cool bar and having a glass of wine. i even know someone here---hi anu!

wdky said...

Scarlet - :-)

Lee Ann, I agre. It was just what I needed at the time, too.

Rutie... I klnow you have a lot going on. Maybe you can just let it all go on around, as opposed to within, you now and again...

Kim - that is just what I wanted my blog to feel like. Now, what'll you have?

SL said...

Acceptance. Ain't that the truth. Simple word, God-awfully-fucking-difficult to achieve.

J's Gf said...

Maybe you're a Buddhist at heart!

k o w said...

You just can't beat an evening like that sometimes.

sky said...

It was the same type of evenings I have had lately and I have been surprisingly content with it. Sometimes it is good to be alone.

wdky said...

SL, if you tell yourself it is, then it will be. I know, I've been there.

J'sG - as it happens, it's something I'm very interested in. If you're statement were true I'd be delighted.

KOW - true enough.

Skyu, does having Lola with me count as being alone? She's been quite clingy lately.

Lil Bit said...

Winter is the time for moody introspection.
Wait. Is it winter there, too? LOL! ;)

MG said...

This "thinking aloud" post was good for me.... having trouble with the whole "What is happiness?" issue today, so good timing you might say. I tend to be too introspective too often... sometimes it's just nice to know someone else understands how it is, but then again, that's part of the whole blogworld appeal to me... so thanks for typing your thoughts

kimmyk said...

i think life is about simplicity.
take away all the extra fussy shit-and it's all good.
sometimes you just need peace and quiet to figure that out.....

wdky said...

Lil Bit, it's winter here too :-)

MG - thanks for reading them.

Kimmy...simplicity is key for me these days too.

networkchic said...

I find the hardest things in life are the things we fight against accepting. Sometimes giving in doesn't mean giving up. Sounds like you had a great night.

Amanda B. said...

I see Jeff Buckley in your sidebar, so I automatically lurve you.

wdky said...

Hi NWC... no, it doesn't. Then again, accepting doesn't mean either.

Amanda, thanks for stopping to commen, and that's absolutely excellent :-) And you have an amazing blog, which I lurve reading.

anu said...

Hi Kim :), i am so glad to see you here. I love this blog too, it is so real and cute. I especially love the emoticons on the chatterbox. I think they are fun.

Thanks wdky, i am glad we found you.

wdky said...

So am I.