Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Simplicity my arse

I’ve never really been a fatalist, if I’m honest. As a romantic (or, maybe, a Romantic) I’d almost like to think it was possible, that my life could actually be influenced by events that are somehow predetermined, and inevitable. But I think that fatalists run the risk of absolving themselves of responsibility for their own actions, so I have something of a dichotomy going on here at the moment. Maybe I should backtrack a day or two…

My thoughts about PTFE, which I’ve made so clear on here, lead me inexorably to telling her that I couldn’t see her again. When these things happen, I feel an almost tangible pain, for some reason… I know people who can just walk away without a second thought, but I’ll never be one of those people. And I don’t want to be, either – I’d rather feel the consequences of what I do, because without that feeling everything would become too easy. A life without conscience, and that must surely be a dangerous thing.

So, I explained exactly how I felt, and what I was thinking, and why we had to stop seeing each other. PTFE wants to talk more about it, but I'm not sure that it would be productive to do that... maybe it's a man/woman thing? Anyway, I did what I feel I needed to do, and life goes on. And now, a couple of days later, I receive a long, and touching, letter from Dina. And she’s really got me thinking.

Simplicity? Yeah right... I really should have known better, shouldn’t I?

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