I’d had a busy day, finishing off a piece of work that was already slightly late, getting some washing done for Sunday and touching up some of the paintwork in the hall. When the phone rang at about 8 o’clock I nearly let it go to answerphone, but I saw that it was PTFE and decided that I wanted to speak to her. So I took the call.
She was fine... we’ve been in sporadic contact since we split up anyway, and I knew she’d been busy working but was generally okay. Then she told me that she was seeing someone, that it was quite serious, and that he knew me. I could feel my stomach churn slightly as I asked who it was, and it turned out to be the guy that had tried to repair my laptop a while back when I had some problems that were the consequence of downloading a dodgy Windows Update. The funny thing is, he charged me £40 and couldn’t trace the problem – I ended up fixing it myself!PTFE asked if he could pick up her make-up bag (remember the make-up bag?) and he duly arrived about an hour later. We chatted for a few minutes and then off he went, with his tight black t-shirt, new haircut and a twinkle in his eye. And you know what? I felt sick. I was no better hours later when I went to bed, and slept eventually having poured myself a large Scotch and popped a Melatonin or two.
So... what was that all about? I was adamant that I wanted to finish with her when she pleaded with me not to, and the only thing I can say in my own defence is that it wasn’t because I didn’t have feelings for her... they were just not quite as intense as the feelings she had for me. Yet now... well, I know what I’d say if it were someone else having this conversation with me. And although I might couch my advice in diplomatic terms, the message would be “live with it”.
Emotions – feelings – can be unpredictable sometimes, can’t they? But then I'm sure that a little pain is good for the soul... that’s what I’m telling myself, anyway.
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