Well, yesterday was certainly a funny old day. Not one that went precisely how I would have predicted but evidence, for sure, that just when you think you’ve got everything sussed you realise that you haven't. And you never will.
I had to get up at sparrow fart for a meeting just outside Ealing, and I was shattered as I hadn't slept particularly well. And for those of you who know London in anything like an intimate way, you won't be surprised that the North Circular Road first thing in the morning was a car park. I allowed myself two hours for a journey that would take 30 minutes had I been able to start off outside of the rush hour, and I just got there in time.
That aside, the meeting went really well, and I left in an excellent mood. I was half way home when I got a call on my mobile, although it was one that I'd been waiting for. You may remember that I had to deliver a presentation while suffering from a serious bout of man-flu the other day (as it happens, I think it really was flu, as I ended up in bed for 2 days). Well, the call was to confirm that we'd got through to the final stage of the tender process – 62 companies had been whittled down to 5, and we were one of them. Now, this is a big job… the contract value is around £500 million! So it's fair to say I was pleased.
The rest of the afternoon I was taking calls from colleagues and I admit I was feeling pretty good about life in general. Then, earlier this evening, I had another call, but this time it was one that I wasn't expecting. And I found out that the process that I initiated – to agree a voluntary redundancy package so that I can escape what's fast becoming the living hell of my present job – is going to go ahead, and it's going to be soon. It looks like I have about 3 weeks left as a salaried employee. After that, it'll be down to me to bring in my own work, and income, as a self-employed consultant again, but this time without a partner, and without any financial backing. The upside? I can live my life how I want to, put everything into my work because it's about me and what I believe, and who knows - I might even end up with a quality of life that's not going to happen any other way.
I've been thinking about this all evening. I hate what I've been doing, and I'm not prepared to compromise my principles every day I go to work any longer. I just can't. But at the same time – and this is something I don’t really like to admit – I'm a little scared. Not just for me, but for the children as well, because they rely on me. But I'm going to give this a f*cking good go, because it feels like a second chance and I think I can make it work. No - I will make it work.
I'll just keep repeating that last sentence to myself...