Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Change.

Well, yesterday was certainly a funny old day. Not one that went precisely how I would have predicted but evidence, for sure, that just when you think you’ve got everything sussed you realise that you haven't. And you never will.

I had to get up at sparrow fart for a meeting just outside Ealing, and I was shattered as I hadn't slept particularly well. And for those of you who know London in anything like an intimate way, you won't be surprised that the North Circular Road first thing in the morning was a car park. I allowed myself two hours for a journey that would take 30 minutes had I been able to start off outside of the rush hour, and I just got there in time.

That aside, the meeting went really well, and I left in an excellent mood. I was half way home when I got a call on my mobile, although it was one that I'd been waiting for. You may remember that I had to deliver a presentation while suffering from a serious bout of man-flu the other day (as it happens, I think it really was flu, as I ended up in bed for 2 days). Well, the call was to confirm that we'd got through to the final stage of the tender process – 62 companies had been whittled down to 5, and we were one of them. Now, this is a big job… the contract value is around £500 million! So it's fair to say I was pleased.

The rest of the afternoon I was taking calls from colleagues and I admit I was feeling pretty good about life in general. Then, earlier this evening, I had another call, but this time it was one that I wasn't expecting. And I found out that the process that I initiated – to agree a voluntary redundancy package so that I can escape what's fast becoming the living hell of my present job – is going to go ahead, and it's going to be soon. It looks like I have about 3 weeks left as a salaried employee. After that, it'll be down to me to bring in my own work, and income, as a self-employed consultant again, but this time without a partner, and without any financial backing. The upside? I can live my life how I want to, put everything into my work because it's about me and what I believe, and who knows - I might even end up with a quality of life that's not going to happen any other way.

I've been thinking about this all evening. I hate what I've been doing, and I'm not prepared to compromise my principles every day I go to work any longer. I just can't. But at the same time – and this is something I don’t really like to admit – I'm a little scared. Not just for me, but for the children as well, because they rely on me. But I'm going to give this a f*cking good go, because it feels like a second chance and I think I can make it work. No - I will make it work.

I'll just keep repeating that last sentence to myself...

26 comments:

NewYorkMoments said...

Hey--Congratulations! All of this sh*t happens for a reason! Everything is going to turn out wonderfully. I know it.

kimmyk said...

Yeah for independence!!
Yeah for doing things your way!!!
Yeah for answering to no one but you!!!
Yeah for living your life as you choose!!!

Exciting! I wish I did that...

WDKY said...

Hey, thanks you two!

... jacek ... said...

ok... so this is utterly unrelated to your blog entry, and mostly has to do with the game tomorrow (or today in the UK) oct 12th that is, and in all reality it isnt that important since we both got into the WC06 already, but good luck and all that, 'cause yer gonna need it, group 6 will be ours, muahahahahahahaha...hehe...heheheahaha....eeehhh aaah, he,... he... ahhhh... hi... eh.

Blueprincesa said...

You can do it! Love the new look btw.

Parveneh said...

That's so funny. I was just discussing cutting the corporate ties that's killing me with my boyfriend and starting my own business.

I know I am more than confident to strike out on my own...but I have this fear of FAILURE!

Best of luck to ya. I'll live vicariously through your freedom....until I'm brave enough to bite the bullet.

Rick said...

Channeling Master Yoda:

Do; Do not. There is no try. ;-)

WDKY said...

EJ, thanks for that, seriously. I love a good laugh when I get up in the morning ;-)

Thanks, Blue. Actually, I need to post s techie problem about it (the blog, not the job) which I'll do later today.

Parv, the funny thing is, I don't mind consulting to the corporate world as long as I can go and wash it off my skin afterwards. I'll provide regular reports and badger you to do it too!

And thanks, Doc. The force is strong in this one.

it's all about me said...

Exciting stuff wdky.
And hey, console yourself that if it all goes wrong then I can always get you a job in the club. Now there's something to look forward to...

Bjornar Kjensli said...

congratulations! And good luck. I've heard that the chinese use the same word for crisis and opportunity. It's one and the same.

WDKY said...

You know, IAAM, I think I really might look forward to that ;-)

Bjorna, thanks! But those Chinese... so inscrutible. What's a Scandinavian doing in Oz, incidentally?

check said...

hey wdky! im sure ur gonna do well....been reading ur blog since a while..and i get the feeling that ur the kinda guy who'll get anything done if u put ur head to it...(lol..the other one!) am i right?..well best of luck! and..i love reading ur blog its a must read..

WDKY said...

Thanks Check - that was a morale-booster, and yes, you could well be right!! If I could just work out which head to lead with, though, a lot of my problems would probably disappear overnight.

Networkchic said...

You are going to make it work. I'll keep repeating it for you too...just to get some good vibes your way. I think believing you can make it happen, is half the battle.

TJ said...

Yeah, change can be difficult, but I think the key line in your post was the one where you wrote that with this change, you can live your life how you want to and can put everything into your work because now it will be about you and what you believe. In a way, you're fortunate, because a lot of people never get that chance.

WDKY said...

NWC, I knew I could rely on you. I think I felt a vibe just then...

TJ, I guess it is lucky, but I'll be in a better position to confirm that in about 12 moths!

Caterpillar said...

Hey WDKY!

This is such an exciting opportunity, and you know you can do it - you have so much experience, you've had your own consulting business before, you're so smart, and perceptive, and obviously people really like you!!!

(I sound like Al Franken's character from SNL, but I'm serious!)

k said...

I'm with NYM... all this sh*t happens for a reason... I'm sure you'll do fabulous & things will turn out far better than you ever anticipated!

WDKY said...

Blimey. I'm very grateful.

sirreene said...

EXCELLENT!!!!

Claire said...

Hey, good luck!! And congrats on getting whittled down to the top 5! If you are still interested in that proposition you put to me the other week then just say the word!

WDKY said...

Ssshhhh! (No, I'll talk to you about it.)

NML said...

Congratulations and I'm sure that you will be successful. This is what you really want and you will make it work. I hope to give myself independence and will have those same worries one day!

WDKY said...

Thanks, NML. And you can call me when it happens for you - we'll exchange worries while eveyone else is sound asleep in the early hours.

kt said...

I arrived at a crossroads three years ago, hated what I was doing, hated the thought that I'd still be doing it in ten years time, and decided that I was ready for change. Ended up selling our flat and travelling around the world for 8 months (my daughter was 4 months old at the time). It was tough sometimes but worth it in terms of giving myself the space to figure things out. Then I had another baby, revamped my career, started writing, and now I've been offered what sounds like an excellent job on the strength of recent freelance projects - starting in 2 weeks time. So I suppose what I'm trying to say that taking the leap is frightening, but there's nothing worse than staying put when your heart and soul isn't into it.

WDKY said...

That was brave, and I'm glad it all worked out for you. And good luck with your new venture!