Tuesday, October 18, 2005

GG and me.

After the furore that poor GG seems to have stirred up (unwittingly, of course) I think it's time that I at least attempted to address some of the issues that have been raised. Part of the problem is that I've allowed sex (I'm completely hacked off with those bloody asterisks so you're getting the uncensored version in future) to dominate the posts I've written. I could have tried to avoid that happening, but I allowed it to for good reason. So now I'm going to try to shed a little more light on this rather unusual dynamic that is "GG and me".

It's been suggested that our relationship is lacking in intimacy. Strangely, I'd say that the opposite is true, in that it's one of the more intimate relationships I've been in for a long time. When we're together, it's incredibly comfortable, and whilst we talk a lot there are also a lot of silences that simply don't need filling. With anything. We seem to understand each other perfectly, and think and feel the same way about pretty much everything of any importance. And no, come Sunday afternoon I don't feel like I want to have my space to myself, and I don't feel like I want to shepherd her towards the door as soon as possible. She feels "right" when she's in my space.

Conversely (and this is really fascinating me at the moment) I don't feel that same intimacy when we have sex. Yes, it's very uninhibited (I could give you details but I really think that some things are best left to the imagination) and sometimes completely... I don't know... abandoned. But whilst there seem to be very few things that are off the agenda, there just seems to be something dispassionate about it. And you know what? If I put this to GG, she'd be horrified. And I think it's because this is the only sex she knows. It's as if sex is just a mechanical process for her to achieve as many orgasms as she can in a given time frame. The more I think about this, the more I think that sex is the focus for a whole load of issues - maybe from when she was younger, maybe just the consequence of her relationship history. I don't have the answers at the moment.

But so far as GG's obsession with all things physical is concerned, I'm going to be completely honest. The truth is, I want more from the time I spend with her than a constant erection. I don't want to feel like I'm some kind of human dildo, and the initial joyful surprise at the prospect of spending every second we're together fucking like rabbits is beginning to change. It's starting to lose its novelty. Now, there's a problem here, because I know myself very well... too well, I sometimes think. And if I get it in my head that there's something about this relationship that isn't "working", the likelihood is that at some stage I'm just going to walk away from it. There are lots of reasons for me responding like this, but central to it is the strangely calm and balanced place I've managed to find for myself at this stage of my life. Mentally, I mean, or maybe spiritually (or both). And I don't want this put at risk.

What does all this mean? I'm fucked if I know at the moment. I said a long time ago that it might be something that turns out to be really important, but it might not. I guess that still applies, but I think that something's going to have to change soon if we're going to achieve anything really meaningful. In the meantime, all I can do is leave you with a comment that GG made as we lay, exhausted, on the rug in the early hours of Sunday morning.

"You know, I really don't think this could get any better. Even with Viagra."

You've got to laugh...

25 comments:

ladylongfellow said...

D
E
N
I
A
L

*wink*

My advice: stop trying to define it...don't over think it...and just enjoy it. When you can't do those 3 things...then it's time to move on.

WDKY said...

LL, seetheart, I strenuously deny that I'm in denial. But you can wink at me any time you like.

Diabolical Intellectual said...

Damn dude you are just about the coolest 40 year old that I ever met. Besides when I visited my friend's college and smoked with a bunch of alumni from days past. All I have to say is rock on. And it is obvious that GG likes/loves you man. Good Job don't fuck up.

TJ said...

I was away from my computer this weekend, but I've enjoyed catching up on your posts.

I was in a very similar situation a few years ago, with a woman named Heather in probably the most intimate relationship that I'd ever experienced. Our sex life was intense, uninhibited, adventurous, and often went on for hours into the night with a complete loss of any sense of time. Looking back, we were also intimate in the quieter moments as well.

I've just decided to write about this as a separate post on my own blog, but let's say that I let some irrelevant factors take on more weight than they deserved, and I convinced myself that things weren't going to work out in the long run. With hindsight, it has been one of the more spectaculary short-sighted decisions of my life up to that point. We had a few attempts at getting back together, but two years ago Heather moved to the other side of the country for a job opportunity, and now we stay in touch sporadically over the phone.

I guess the moral of the story is to enjoy the experience fully while you're involved in it, and make sure that you've looked at things from every side before you make any permanent decisions.

Until then, like the previous poster so eloquently put it: 'rock on, dude'

... jacek ... said...

1. Dont think about it, thinking in relationships is an evil evil thing (from where I've come from at least)

2. try some inhibited sex, i.e. try making love (egad i cant believe i said that, but its true), sex, not always is intimate, sometimes if sex, mechanical, sometimes its just fucking, and othertimes its the ML thing. If the ML thing isn't happeneing for you, go onto 3

3. and if all this does bug you to the extent that you absolutely cannot stop thinking about it, play your hand on the table man, and see what comes off it. If she flips out, isn't receptive, or any of a plethora of other things, - it wasnt meant to be, move on.

... jacek ... said...

crap, it's 1:13 Ive had a long day and i cant write, sorry.

WDKY said...

Hello, DI. That was nice... thanks very much! I'll try not to.

TJ, thanks also. I always think advice arising out of personal experience is useful!

EJ, the subject's actually been broached in a subtle way, but may have to be again. We'll see. (You did well for 1.13, so chill.)

KT said...

You can either just enjoy it for what it is right now and go with it, and run the risk that at some point you will hit a wall and walk away (and I totally understand this because that is always my inclination too), or you can try to address the issue, risk upsetting GG - in the hope that she will take what you say on board and you'll achieve more of a balance.

The fact that you can be together in comfortable silence is really special.

Sounds to me that you do want a relationship, even if you don't want to admit it right now. :-)

Good luck!

WDKY said...

Hmmmm... maybe I do. Then again...

Thanks, KT.

NewYorkMoments said...

Oh Christ...Did El Jacek actually say "make love?" Blech. I just puked up my coffee...

What are you guys? Men or little bitches? Jesus.

WDKY said...

ROFLMAO!! Get yourself over here and I'll show you.

NewYorkMoments said...

It's going to take some convincing now...

WDKY said...

Yeah, right.

NML said...

There is a temptation to define things, explain what things are, and I'm starting to think that we've fallen into a nasty habit of thinking and explaining too much. I didn't know men thought with anything other than their willies ;-)

WDKY said...

Well, I'd never be so cliched as to say I'm not like other men...

unforgiving b*tch said...

I shouldn't have read the comments...because when I saw "make love" I wanted to puke...oh dear, oh dear.

Networkchic said...

I'm confused. In one breath you say you want your space, and in the next you state your find her in your space feels comfortable. I think you should just ask her what she wants from the 'relationship' if anything. I think women tend to make things about sex because they think if they can keep a man 'hard' he's stick around. It's just something we've learned. So if a man comes along that actually wants more than an erection, we're baffled. Be honest with her before you walk away from it.

check said...

hey..u guys are good together..enjoy each others company..have loads of fun together..so dont over analyse it..and if the sex thing is beginning to bother you, just bring it up..a little subtlety required though..maybe she wont react badly..talking abt it is the only way you'll know..and hey ur not freud, dont have to have all the answers..

Sher said...

"Oh can we Maaake Loove" (hearts floating above your head)...I'm romantic but even that phrase is just so gay.

GG... not for you...I feel it. Keep this post and refer back to it when you have moved on. I think the girl you're meant to be with is named Eugenie or something like that.

And I think you need a shirt that says "HD" (human Dildo).

emma said...

What a wonderful display of man emotion you have, see boys, this is a guy who's allowed to be in control, confused, yearning, intrigued and distant all in the same breathe. Someone said you're the coolest 40 year old around, well, I bet in your heart you could look at my 24 year old toned ass and feel 24 again... so anyway, let yourself be used, because if it moves somewhere on more common emotional ground it will without you needing to do anything. Oh yeah, and get this, woman can be sexual predators too so y'all get out of your pseudo catholic dogma an find the clitoris. Yep, I'm a bitch in real life too. hahahah

WDKY said...

UB, I'm not fooled by you and NYM puking. I know what you really think. (That said, I don't tend to use the term "make love" myself - I'm more of a "fuck" man.)

NWC, please don't be confused... all I mean is that I need to keep some time and space for myself. At the same time, I'd like to do sometning more, now and again, than just fuck. I don't think there's anything contradictory there, I'm just a little more than a penis. That's all.

Check, that's good advice. You should start your owb blog, really. I'd read it.

Sher... interesting. Very interesting. And I like the t-shirt idea... it would be very good PR!

And Emma - if I could only look at your ass, just once... well, maybe twice... As for my age, I seem to have reached a peak sexually that I only dreamt about when I was younger. I like it.

emma said...

See what happens when I work one day a week now? Jeez, I'm getting old.. ok, here's one question for ya, do you look into her eyes when you cum? I find that watching his pupils dilate makes me go over the top that instant.

WDKY said...

I always want eye contact then, Emma... sometimes I actually demand it. But I like that added intensity during sex generally, not just at that moment

unforgiving b*tch said...

You know what I really think?? Hmm....I'm interested in what you think it is.

WDKY said...

Good, I like to arouse some interest. I love your personality, UB, but I'd like to see some of its other facets.