Friday, October 07, 2005

What women want?

I thought I'd start by revealing something about myself that not many people know (and I guess still won't). Something personal and, maybe, just the hint of a window into my soul. I don't necessarily think this is a good idea, but I like to live on the edge. I need the rush.

Okay... I cry when I watch "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition". There you have it. Every time I sit down to watch, I say to myself "Don’t be a fool; it's just television; act like a man, you big wuss." And every time I cry. This isn't the only thing that leads me to believe that I'm something of a sentimentalist, but it's the only thing I'm sharing with you today. And, of course, I'd like to think that this kind of honesty will in some way make me a better person.

Well, as I was thinking about this (and I was actually prompted further by one of the articles I was considering writing for Baggage Reclaim) my mind started to wander, and I found myself dwelling on the perceived wisdom that "nice guys always come last". Do they? And what is a "nice guy" anyway? Do women always gravitate towards the Alpha male, or is he outdated? A Neanderthal in today's gender-blurred, egalitarian society?

Now I have no absolute understanding of how other people see me either as a person or as a man, because I really don't go around asking them that kind of question (tempting though it might be, I'm sure I wouldn't like the answers). But when I look at myself, I think (I hope?) that I see someone who's emotionally available, communicative, able to express both thoughts and feelings, and able to understand – and empathise with – the female perspective. But at the same time, believe me when I say that there's nothing blurred about my gender. I'm no pushover, either. I have a steely resolve, and am only ever crossed once. A lot of people find me both intense and, at the same time, a little scary.

So where am I going with this? Well, I suppose I'm saying that if a guy is all the things women say that they want, but without the mistaken assumption that it has to go hand on hand with some kind of emasculation – in other words, while still behaving like a man – I reckon he's half way to cracking it. To surviving in the noughties, and not necessarily doing so in splendid isolation.

Oh, and it also helps if he's a good f*ck.

28 comments:

j said...

i blubber like a big baby at EM:HE. everytime i do i think what the heck is wrong with me' it's just a silly show. then i think, oh i guess i do have a heart.

guys that can have a cry once and a while not a bad thing at all. just not every day, day in day out.

if you can take it as well as you give it that's always a nice balance. i hate the overbearing, bossy, my way or the highway types unless they can take it when i give it right back. i can hold my own if need be.

you are definitely well written. you do a good job of getting your thoughs on 'paper' but whether or not that translates into the spoken? obviously i don't know :)

it's the women who can see beyond the supposed intense and scary that will get your heart i'm thinking.

and.....i'm done!

k o w said...

I teared up during Finding Nemo. Good flick.

WDKY said...

Thanks, J, for what was a considered response. Yes, balance - like most things in life, it's about balance. I noticed as small typo in your response, and wasn't sure if you meant !thoughts" or "thighs" but I got your drift :-)

KOW, Nemo was a test, for sure.

j said...

ergh, spelling mistakes!

as i was considering this here the 'paper' thighs works due to your today (still Thursday here) post ;)

Sky said...

Never watched EM:HE but I imagine if others are crying from it, I will too. If a friend is upset about something and they cry, I will tear up. Now don't get me wrong I am not crying 24/7 but other's heartaches just affect me.

wdky, I think you gave me something to write about today :). Thanks.

kimmyk said...

i can't watch it - cause i cry.

and if i see Ty cry? pfft....stick a fork in me i'm done.

NewYorkMoments said...

I am attracted to masculine manly men. I hate when men have even the smallest trace of effeminate qualities. Yuck.

But, manly men can also be sensitive. And I don't think that men need to cry in order to be sensitive. They just have to be kind, and honest, and sensitive to my feelings. Because, yes...It's all about me.

... jacek ... said...

hehe... I get teary eyed when watching that awful movie "youve got mail", it's a point of embarrasment for me, but i think its got more to do with books then meg and tom.

Anyways wdky, your post was well written, and there are numerous sunjects there that on any givend day you could endlessly discuss. If you dont mind, i will consolidate all this into something that i abide by, especialyl since I used to think on similar lines, and acted out many a scenario. I was the nice guy, the asshole, the badboy, etc... etc... now I just dont care.

I dont think about any of this 'what makes me, me' and to put it bluntly, just do what i need to do, work, school, moving up in the world, and should I eventually find some woman that I connect with, it'll be great. I also wholeheartedly believe that being yourself whilst reserving your thoughts about others, and disregarding what they think of you. This confidence in ones self (not ego mind you) is as attractive to women if not moreso then anything, well that and a sense of humor and a good fuck.

Crap.... I just got up to talk to my boss and forgot where I was going with this.... if I remember I'll be back

- el

ps - as an afterhtought, Id say out society is hardly egalitatian, we are still quite the primitive species if you ask me. Cheers.

WDKY said...

Thanks for those comments, guys. I find this subject fascinating from some kind of anthropological perspective - like you, EJ, I'm not too concerned about how people look at me. I am who I am. And NYM, I think you condensed a lot of what I was saying into a couple of sentences. I knew you were a top bird ;-)

As for whether we're an egalitarian society or not, that's a point for some heated discussion, isn't it?

NML said...

I've cried over that programme! I thought it was just me.
Don't start me on the nice guy thing. They shouldn't but they do often finish last. Highly unfair! Women love 'danger' 'drama' and 'doggy dogg'!

TJ said...

I've never seen Extreme Makeove Home Edition, but I used to bawl like a baby after every episode of Home Improvement (that Tim Allen has quite a range...). So I'd probably be a puddle after watching that other show.

Seriously though, it was bold of you to open up and reveal a very personal thing, and sometimes taking a deep look and standing behind your feelings can be a form of strength.

There are extremes on both sides--some "nice guys" have such low self-esteem that they'll idealize a woman, any woman, and set aside all of their own needs just to be in a relationship. And some "neanderthals" might walk around like they're swinging the biggest dick in the room, but usually that's just an act to make up for their own insecurity.

As with most things in life, balance is the key. Own up to being a man, but don't pretend to shut down all of your feelings. I'll bet even Clint Eastwood cries at the end of "Field of Dreams"...

WDKY said...

NML, even the guys that do the work on the show end up crying! And I know women like a bit of "doggy dogg"... it's one of my favourites too ;-)

WDKY said...

Sensible words, TJ. Looks like we have a kind of concensus here...

Blueprincesa said...

it's okay to cry sometimes wdky... men who can't cry are what I like to call "emotionally retarded." And I dunno about the whole "bad boy mystique..." I've always liked the kind of guy who supposedly finishes last. I'm sure you'll do fine. It sounds like you do. You have good taste in music too. That always counts for something (PJ Harvey rocks my world!)

WDKY said...

Thanks blue! To tell you the truth, I'm completely secure in my sexuality/masculinity... I don't give it much thought, to be honest. I think muswiing aqbout these things can be interesting, though. And you wwere bold enough to give a slightly different perspective, which I think is cool.

PJ's a goddess, isn't she?

WDKY said...

Ooops. That's what happens when you don't concentrate and don't check what you've typed!

Networkchic said...

Although I'll admit to spending quite of bit of wasted effort on those 'bad boy' types, I now know that a man that can show he's sensitive yet still rock my world in bed...is the man I want. I think it's cool that you've been able to capture the whole package. Let's just hope some lucky woman actually decides to unwrap it and cherish what's inside.

Oh, and I love a man that cries as long as it's not after sex.

WDKY said...

I think I love you. Or is it your breasts I love?

k said...

I agree with the majority of the gals here... crying for a guy isn't necessarily a bad thing. There's a difference between being a "weeper" and a "cryer" though. Cryers - they're the ones that turn on the tears as revenge, manipulation and control... Cryers are NEVER good. Weepers though, I can handle weepers, those are the ones that cry at sad movies and actually have human emotions and show them occasionally. It's not a bad thing.

And, you got the last part right - it does help if he's a good f*ck.

ladylongfellow said...

I know what you mean. I think there is happy medium we all strive to keep with the people we are attracted to? I want someone who can be both -just like myself.

sirreene said...

I think it's sweet *sigh*

WDKY said...

I think I'd better stick to sex and aimless rambling in future :-)

it's all about me said...

Good post. Fascinating subject.

Being a good lay is ESSENTIAL! but it's important to remember that one woman's dream shag is another's nightmare. It's just like ice-cream - we all have a preferred flavour. However, a mixture of enthusiasm and sensuality is usually a good please-all.

And the main problem with nice guys? They give in too easily.

WDKY said...

I thinki I prefer to be called "dangerous", but that's just me!!

Glad to see you're getting the site sorted again, by the way. Stay off the vodka.

it's all about me said...

Dangerous, hey? Hmm. That's much more interesting than nice. :-)

... jacek ... said...

there's also a problem with the dangerous, I have a good flare for not giving a fuck, and apparently that makes me a bad boy (but i just dont give a fuck), but then theres axl rose insane dangerous that apparently scares a lot of women off. Lets just face it, people are insane.

Christine said...

The entire gender thing is very confusing for men and women. Women want strength yet sensitivity. Men want a feminine women without her being too dependent.
I am surprised anyone ever gets together and makes it!

WDKY said...

Me too!!