Decisions, decisions...

Before I start a bit of a story today, I just want to mention a couple of blog-related things before I forget. Firstly, thanks to LNIDOE for two things… linking me to her blog (very nice) and – more importantly, some might say – helping to spread the word about Half Nekkid Thursday to the UK. She’s promised a bit of flesh herself next week, so I’m returning the favour by mentioning her blog here. Secondly, and on the subject of linking, am I right in saying that Technorati only shows links to blogs that are also registered (with Technorati)? That’s a bit naughty, and a bit irritating. If anyone has linked me and I haven’t returned the favour, drop me an email and I’ll sort it out pronto. I’m good like that.

Okay, on to the story. About three months ago, I got an email from “C”, who I’d noticed had a rather cute profile online but whom I hadn’t attempted to contact. We exchanged a few emails and then spoke on the phone, and we got on so well that we decided it would be madness not to meet up for a drink. So, to cut a long story short it was agreed that I’d pick her up one evening and we’d go out. It was a Sunday evening, quite early, and she was at her nieces birthday party, so she asked if I’d mind stopping by over there first. (Yes, I know, that's what I told her too… but when people get to know me it’s pretty apparent that I’m not a psycho, and I seem to engender trust quite easily for some reason. And I knew I was safe!)

When I arrived, it was hysterical. The door was opened by C’s sister, who looks just like her. But she looked slightly different to C herself (remember, I’d only seen a couple of photos at this stage) and as I stood there I had no idea whether I was looking at my date or not. We just stared at each other for about ten seconds, and then I looked into the hall and saw C grinning mischievously from the stairs. She was obviously having a bit of a laugh about it all, but I didn’t mind because she was absolutely gorgeous. Long curly brown hair, the most beautiful face and smile, and a body to die for. (I found out later that she was very well known on the European body-building circuit and had come second a few years earlier in some major championships.)

I hung around for a while, thinking that these people were lovely, all of them. Feeling really comfortable, for some reason. And then we went out, and had the best night… first of all to see some contemporary ballet she was writing about (I’m serious – it was cool), and then something to eat on Upper Street, lots of wine, and good, easy, flowing conversation. Around 11.30 I said to her “Look, this has been really, really nice. But I’m thinking I’d better get you home to Whitechapel. It’s getting late, and I have to get back afterwards too.” She looked at me for a moment.

“I don’t want to go home”, she said. And just kept looking at me. I asked her if she wanted to come back with me, and she said yes. Before long we were walking back to my car, and the kiss en route was exquisite. I don’t know how else to describe it. When we got home, I ran her a bath (she asked me to) and we had a night of s*x (and I mean a night) that was just about as perfect as it gets. I can’t really explain, but it felt like we’d been together for ever and yet we’d just met. It was the strangest thing.

We stayed in touch after that, but C is hard to pin down and I certainly wasn't going to push it. So lots of emails and texts, daily, but I just had the impression that she wanted to keep some distance. I respected that, and responded as I thought she wanted me to. Then she went to Spain to write an article about Flamenco, and she asked if I could pick her up from the airport when she got back and bring her back to mine so we could carry on where we left off. I was delighted to agree, and was really looking forward to seeing her. But this is where we went a bit off track. I met someone while she was away and decided I would probably want to see her again. And I didn’t get the impression that C wanted to be anything more than casual, so I felt no real obligation in any way, other than to be straight with her. So I called her and told her I didn’t think I should see her when she got back, at least not for the night we’d planned in any event.

Her response completely astonished me. She had to ask to call me back (which she did about ten minutes later) and it transpired that she’d been physically sick when I told her. She was genuinely beside herself. But she’d given me no signals whatsoever that she felt that way. If she had, I wouldn’t even have thought about seeing anyone else.

So… to cut what’s already turning into a mega-post a bit shorter, C said that she couldn’t face staying in touch as friends because of the way that she already felt. And I was also more upset than I'm comfortable admitting, but just lately we’ve been communicating again. The odd text, and the odd email. And – despite having met GG – there’s something about C that I still find rather... hmmm, I don't know. I'll just say "lovely". I can’t explain what it is… I just like her so much. And now, I’ve woken up to a text that say’s she’s going to ring later today. I’m not sure what she’s going to say to me, but I know I want to speak to her. And another thing I know is that I won’t play any games, which seems to mean I could have some tough decisions to make soon. And, this time, I don't want to make a mistake. I'm going to think very carefully and then go with my intuition.

I think I need another coffee. Oh, and since writing the above - and thanks to the generosity of another blogger - I now have Gmail. Who cares if Google's taking over the world - how cool is that?