What I want

Chemistry. It might be hard to describe just what it is that we mean, but we sure as hell know it when we feel it. But let’s not kid ourselves that it’s some spiritual Nirvana that we want, because it’s about something much more tangible than that. It’s about something physical. And before anyone say’s “Hang on a minute, WDKY…” think about it for a while. If we meet someone platonically, and we really get on, we say afterwards that we… what? We really got on? It’s only if there’s some expectation or hope of sexual potential that we talk, or think, in terms of chemistry. When we get home from a date and say to the first person that will listen, “God, you should have felt the chemistry”, we’re talking about sexual attraction.

So it stands to reason that sexual compatibility is a pretty vital component of this elusive chemistry. And that kind of compatibility requires understanding, and empathy, and a desire to get inside the head of the person you’re with so that you can really – really – get on their wavelength. So that you can know what it is that they want, and give it to them. I had an email yesterday about this whole issue, and it was written in a way that I'm beginning to regard as normal for this particular person now… beautiful prose and profound meaning. And what it said really made sense.

“…Sometimes I think it’s because sex comes from different places for some people. For some it's simply an act of pleasure, one body trying to please the other. But for others it's about pleasure of the heart, the soul, a whole different kind of desire…”

That resonates with me. It isn’t about being in love, or about “making love”, but it is about something that’s more than a fuck. Yes, at times all we want to do when we see our partner is rip the clothes from our bodies and have each other where we stand, with no thought other than to quench that burning, immediate desire. But at other times, we - okay, I - need, or want to transcend that. I want it to be more than a fuck. That’s when it can be something memorable (and something much more than just physical)… when every cell of two people’s beings are merged, when every breath is a breath for both of you. That, for me, is sex.

I said I was going to write a post about kissing, because I love to kiss and it’s become something of an issue. And with kissing, sometimes it can just be about that immediate desire I mentioned, but for the most part I like it to be slow, and sensual. Soft lips, tongues gently exploring, whilst the whole time the passion is building, the kiss is becoming more eager, until it reaches a crescendo… it can be such an intimate experience. I was going to write about the fact that the only kisses I get are hard, and aggressive, and without any real feel for the sensuality of the act itself. Without any feel for the moment. But actually, it’s about more than kissing. It’s about chemistry. That’s what I want, and I’m coming to the conclusion that it just isn’t what I have at the moment.

A quick edit: This post is just me thinking aloud, which as you might have noticed is what I enjoy doing on here. Whatever GG and I have between us, sex has been slightly problematic - from my perspective at least - from day one. It may seem like I think a lot (especially for a bloke) but actually I believe in thinking, and in actions I'm pretty decisive. (Some have said ruthless, but I beg to differ!!) When I'm clear about what I want to do, I will do it.